Eldest DD wants to go to Oxford I fear her tribe is not there

[Pisssssedofff]

But she's determined. I want to support her I really do but I want her to meet her life long buddies at uni.

Any thoughts ?

Whatthefoxgoingon you're making out like I care if she goes to Oxford, Cambridge, Manchester met or Brighton poly I don't !
I think her grades are "fucking awesome" considering the kids only had 15 months of education in the uk.

But when the time does come, you still need to back off and realise it's not your decision, it's hers. And I think you need to un-torque yourself about this generally. It's not for you to "get right", and you've spent this thread swinging wildly between talking about getting her a tutor to get her grades up, and not wanting her to go to uni at all.

Find a way to chill on all of this.

amicissimma be nice if she made some friends too though

sarahnova69 no Sarah again I have t said I don't want her to go to uni at all at any stage. You complain about being confused and then don't read what's written. Truthfully she has to go somewhere otherwise she has to come with me and she doesn't want to so uni it is where ever that may be. B

If she has Bs she probably did not stand much chance anyway so just as well she changed her mind otherwise she would have been disappointed.

Pressure is fine with many people. Others don't like it. It just depends on the child. I am sure she will be fine.

Which country did she move from 15 months ago to come to the UK?

Has she even looked at what courses Oxford offer? Business studies isn't an option.

QueenJuggler apparently not

Those GCSE grades are low for Oxbridge. They are similar to mine and I got in, so it's not impossible, but I have the worst GCSEs by far of anyone I know who went to either university. By the time I applied I had 4 outstanding AS-levels including 3 in facilitating subjects (marks now equivalent to the very top of an A*), I knew what I wanted to study and had read and thought about it so much that by the time I got to the interview I relished the whole process.

Your DD definitely shouldn't be put off Oxbridge because of her background but she does need to be realistic about her academic goals. If she wants it, she has time to work for it. She will almost certainly find her people there.

This thread has gone a bit barmy but has given me a very very happy 10 minutes of nostalgia on an otherwise bloody miserable day. I hope that one day your DD looks back on her university life with the same joy and peace that I do.

If you're worried about poshness try King's in Cambridge or one of the newer less pretty colleges. Far more state school kids than somewhere like Trinity.

Gaaaaaaaaaah. Look, your DD is doing great. If she gets into Oxford, great. Her predicted grades are too low for Oxford even though you think they are "fucking awesome". That is all anyone is saying to you!

You are fixated on the wrong thing here. You need to concentrate on getting her a place, not whether she will fit in. No one will care she's only been in the UK for a few months. Getting A grades are a minimum requirement to have a chance. She needs to demonstrate exceptional qualities in other ways too.

This is just silly. My two oldest are Oxbridge. There is no single "tribe" at either Oxford or Cambridge. What a ridiculous idea. Let your daughter go where she wants, if she is accepted that is.

OP - I think people are getting confused because they assumed your dd is taking physics and maths A-levels, not that she has not yet even taken her GCSEs and that most of her predicted grades are A*s and As. Clearly, if she wanted, she has the ability to get the grades required at GCSE to consider Oxford as a possibility when thinking about A-level and future possible degree choices. Fwiw, an argumentative, socially awkward person who dresses like a homeless person would find a lot of kindred spirits at Oxford and would probably like the collegiate system, as it is so easy to get involved in things when every college has something going on, in addition to what goes on at a wider university level. She would need to choose her college carefully, though, as different colleges have different atmospheres and reputations. She also probably shouldn't opt for a subject like law at A-level, as I don't think it is viewed as favourably as more traditional academic subjects or economics, and is positively disliked if actually applying for a law degree. I wouldn't push her, though - it's neither the be all and end all, so not something to set your heart on, but most definitely not something to write off. I loved my time at Oxford and made lifelong friends. It was wonderful to meet so many kindred spirits there.

Ok, I'm going to bite on the off chance this is real.

Pisssssedofff Wed 09-Nov-16 11:32:46
She's at the open day today. If she wants to go she'll get in.

I'm saying this as kindly as possible, but someone who is predicted B's in Maths & Physics at GCSE is very very unlikely to be getting the grades they need (& are predicted, themselves predicated upon those GCSE results amongst other things) at - de facto much, much harder - A-level in order to even get an interview, let alone a place.

Whilst you need astoundingly good grades at GCSE and v v high predictions for A level grades, the crucial bit for admission IME is actually the interview (itself based upon the aforementioned, along with your personal statement and also reference from current school).

You then need to be v v realistic, as the truth is that getting an interview is rarer than hen's teeth.... Their criteria for granting an interview sheds new light on that phrase of 'one man's ceiling is another man's floor...'

DC2 and their peers from school who got interviews all had a slew of A GCSEs and were predicted at least 3xA at A-level. Of note though is the fact that not all who applied, including those predicted the same mega grades, even got an interview.

DC2 was predicted - and got - A in A-level Math, Further Math, Economics, & Classics. Their experience has been that everyone on their course (just graduated from Oxford in Economics and Management) had those same predictions and on back of A/A GCSE's - without which they would not have got the interview.

Once secured an interview however, game seems to change as it became clear they knew who they wanted premised upon whatever qualities it was they saw at interview (a 3 day interview btw, so not for the faint hearted) IE some of DC's friends were knocked back after interview in spite of full house of 10-11 A GCSE's + predictions of 4 As at A-level, whilst DC2 got an offer that was an incredibly 'soft' one - was 'only' 3 A grades (in fact, the offers from their 'Plan B' choices, all Russell Group, were actually higher than the Oxford offer).

I'd add/confirm stuff PP's have written of - DC & peers not allowed to work at all in term time (3 x 8 week terms of intensity that would have blown my mind); 2 of their school friends who got into different colleges to them rusticated due to the intense mental pressure that goes with the gig; those who have written that 'Oxford' does not have an open day today are correct - Oxford is made up of many colleges so it's the colleges that have open days, not the University of Oxford per se; and yes, one college (St Cross) does have an open day today.

I'd encourage your DD to look at as many Uni's as possible but I think you can rest assured that wherever she goes to Uni, she won't be surrounded by 'junkies and thieves'... I also think that you need to concede that everything from now on will be her choice, and all you can do is encourage and support her.

HTH.

--If this thread appears as deleted in TIO I will combust with rage at self for having responded!!!-

LadyStoic I'm going to through gritted teeth say thanks for the advice, on the off chance any of it is useful

Admission requirements at Oxford vary enormously by course. My DD started at Oxford a few weeks ago doing languages and was offered 3As. Other courses have much higher entrance requirements.

All courses have an entrance exam which is taken in the November before A levels and students have to pass to get an interview. 86% of language applicants get an interview and 33% get an offer. Only 25% of those applying for Economics and Management get an interview. 8% get an offer. So it is very variable.
But it does all hinge on the interview. The best way it was explained to me was that the tutors will spend a lot of time with each student over 3 or 4 years, so they are looking for people they want to work with. So you have to give good answers, but it is also about 'chemistry' with the academic team. Which you can't practice or rehearse.

My DD got in with AAA. Her friend got 4As, but did not get an offer. Which seems very odd.

Alwayschanging1. That's pretty much what the school confirmed upon arriving back this afternoon, it appears to be ever changing criteria and the postcode DD will be applying from will be to her advantage. Who knew being poor would come in handy one day, am going to get her to have a proper think/look at the weekend.

You are being daft and rather stereotypical in my view. I went to Cambridge and like oxford (where my best friend went) there are all sorts. She will find her tribe as you put it in her own time and whilst as a mother I appreciate your concern, i don't thnk your attitude about this is very useful and could be quite damaging to her if she is aware of it which I hope she is not.

The best way it was explained to me was that the tutors will spend a lot of time with each student over 3 or 4 years, so they are looking for people they want to work with. So you have to give good answers, but it is also about 'chemistry' with the academic team.

Honestly, having spent three years with them (and combed through five years of examiners' reports)... they're looking for people who don't bore them. They get bored to tears of students absorbing and regurgitating a prevailing view. They want people who can think for themselves and hold a conversation. They love it when a student can take a slightly provocative angle, as long as they can justify it when challenged. They are looking for people who engage with their subject rather than just absorbing it.

it appears to be ever changing criteria and the postcode DD will be applying from will be to her advantage.

Did you manage to get clear on what institution she was actually visiting, and what course(s) she is interested in doing?

If I understand the OP correctly, her daughter is intending to study Spanish, Chemistry and Law at A Level. I'm struggling to think of an Oxford degree course for which those subjects would fit her.
Apologies if this has already been posted, but the Russell Group's brochure 'Informed Choices' is a helpful guide to facilitating A Levels.
www.russellgroup.ac.uk/for-students/school-and-college-in-the-uk/subject-choices-at-school-and-college/

If it helps, my daughter was never keen; she moaned, complained, only went through the process on basis that she was doing us a huge favour, she did not have to accept an offer, she could leave if she was unhappy, blah blah blah...
But she has loved every single minute since she started. Never seen her so happy.

MadameMaxGoesler that's super helpful, I've sent it over to her to look at, I knew law was a waste of time it's more for her personal interest but I don't think this is the time for an extra A level just because

I didn't meet my tribe at uni. However that is because I didn't throw myself in and get involved. I stayed trying to be close to the people I grew up with when we had all changed so much it was futile. So I never made that group of friends and my life has definitely been the worse for it. I just think I am not great at making and keeping friends.

Anyhow OP my point is, if she throws herself into activities and joins in, she has every chance of finding them
At Oxford. It isn't all chinless wonder posh toffs anymore!

Build up her confidence, encourage her to try new stuff and meet new people. She will be fine wherever

Pisssssedofff Wed 09-Nov-16 15:07:22

"sarahnova69 no Sarah again I have t said I don't want her to go to uni at all at any stage. You complain about being confused and then don't read what's written. Truthfully she has to go somewhere otherwise she has to come with me and she doesn't want to so uni it is where ever that may be."

OP, you really seem to struggle with the idea that by the time she is old enough to go to university your dd will be an adult who will be in charge of her own life.

University is not a young people's boarding school where you send someone because they need looking after: it's where young adults go to study for a degree if they decide that is the appropriate path. Other options might be going straight to work (which is what my dd has done) or taking an apprenticeship. But it is not something you, as a parent, get to decide. If your dd does not, in a few years' time have the maturity to even make this decision for herself, then she won't have the maturity to cope with university studies either.

Alwayschanging1 with regards to education I can't fault her, it's her happy place so she does and always will work hard and in my experience those kids go a lot further than the bright but lazy ones in the end

corythatwas. With the greatest of respect you don't know my child or my circumstances so no those simply aren't options available to her. It's uni or something she doesn't particularly want to do