... to let all you chancers know that there's no MN Secret Santa this year

[BIWI]

Mumsnet is a very different place now, compared to a few years ago, when the lovely Soapy set up the first secret Santa.

It's become a much bigger site, which obviously benefits MNHQ, but it's made a secret Santa untenable.

There have been a lot of rumblings over the last few years from people about whether we want it or not. But ultimately it's become just too big and unmanageable a job for anyone to handle.

So all you chancers who wait until this time each year to post your sob stories no longer need to bother.

When MN was a small, cosy site, it worked well. Mainly because the relationships between posters were personal. Now the site is far too large for people to recognise barely more than a handful of posters, plus usernames tend to be less memorable, more generic (from necessity) so the personal touches aren't there.
I agree, the behaviour of posters that expected fawning for acting as Lady Bountiful was appalling.
But BIWI was never, ever associated with that type of poster.
That's the thing with the internet- everyone is different, and relaxed inhibitions due to anonymity and the filter of a screen do not lead to better behaviour.

I'd already chosen my posters I wanted to treat .

This is very sad :( I was hoping to take part this year.

And what is stopping you from doing so, Going? Really? PM the posters, ask for their address, send the gift.

Lying They really did, and we'll definitely do that again this year.

Some donors just sent wodges of £20. Ridiculous.

I also took part in the gift swap thing for a few years... That was rife with people signing up to receive a gift without any intention of sending one. It wasn't so much that I didn't receive anything in return for the several gifts I sent (even a card would've been nice) it was that those who were supposed to send me a gift went to such lengths asking me what I liked and gushing over how excited they were about my gift who the fuck does that?

IIRC it was not intended to be solely for people 'in need'. It was also a chance to thank posters that had given good advice, been helpful or just made you laugh. Not all to do with financial status.

Oh no, just as I was penning my sob story in the hope of a Boots gift set of bath pearls and body lotion that can sit on the shelf unused!

Undersmile - what stops me from doing that (and I would dearly love to) is that it's just a bit weird.

"Hello! You have no idea who I am but I think you're ace and I want to send you a present! Please give me your address!"

Ummmmmmm.........

I am incredibly cynical about people posting hard luck stories online, I have seen too many over the years. There's always someone who only needs a tenner for the meter, but they have no friends, no family, no kind next-door neighbour, no workmate, they can borrow the money off, and the children (there are always children) are starving and cold. A payday loan is out of the question and they can't possibly ask for an advance on next month's pay.

Having said that, I wouldn't hesitate to send money to someone genuinely in need, but how can you tell the real needy from the real greedy?

Sparklingbrook. Am I getting it confused with something else then? I distinctly remember receiving details of a person, how many children and what ages they were - and having a fangled new log-in to access MN to say that I'd posted the gift.

I really thought that those were not poster's who'd made you laugh or given good advice, but posters who needed something at Christmas because they didn't have it.

I'm really confused now.

But the begging posts isn't the same as a secret santa that was a thing amongst mumsnetters. We are getting my kids wont get xmas im living in a shoebox and have 20p electric type posts. You could still run your secret santa if you wanted.

Yesitsme- If you really wanted to do that perhaps you could ask them to set up an amazon wishlist for it? then you wouldn't need the address. You'd just buy the item and amazon would ship it. You may know their city or town that way though... hmm..

I think it's sad but having sent off a lovely coat to a down on their luck MNer, and then the poster not acknowledging it, deregistering/changing their name, it's a sad reality.

No one does it for the thanks/glory. I did it because I felt compelled to help someone and thought I could trust the poster.

It's crap that people abuse that.

BIWI thank you for telling us.

Exactly hesitate it's odd behaviour, when you don't have a personal relationship with someone to want to send them something. It's more about the giver, not the recipient. It also highlights the fact that relationships carried out solely online are not as genuine as those in rl, face-to-face.
The layer of artifice is always there.

We won't have "I've been nominated for Secret Santa" threads either.

it's odd behaviour, when you don't have a personal relationship with someone to want to send them something.

Rubbish.

I'm very glad such odd behaviour exists or no one would give a dime to help starving children in famine stricken countries or refugees fleeing civil war.

hesitate was meant to say yesItsMe

My phone hates me, sob.

Cocklodger - I get your thinking but I worry about being a bit weird and stalkery... I know it sounds daft, but what that MNer did would seem to her to be a tiny little thing but it really really wasn't to me - it was huge!

You could nominate a poster for whatever reason you wanted Lying. When I received the details of who to send to I had no idea of their financial status or even why they were nominated. Just how many children they had and their ages.

Slender - in those cases, we send money, via UN disaster relief agency. We don't post out old toys to children with no food in Mali or wherever.
It's not a one-to-one relationship whereby Meg Smith of Wakefield sends food vouchers to Amna Hussain of Mosul, is it?
It's an entirely different situation.

I'll admit it sounds a bit odd.
But I really want to find a way that it doesn't impact on the ability to give to others.
Don't think there is one, sigh.

It was a nice gesture but sadly, some people take advantage of other people's good nature.

If any of you manage to set something up please PM me.