... to let all you chancers know that there's no MN Secret Santa this year

[BIWI]

Mumsnet is a very different place now, compared to a few years ago, when the lovely Soapy set up the first secret Santa.

It's become a much bigger site, which obviously benefits MNHQ, but it's made a secret Santa untenable.

There have been a lot of rumblings over the last few years from people about whether we want it or not. But ultimately it's become just too big and unmanageable a job for anyone to handle.

So all you chancers who wait until this time each year to post your sob stories no longer need to bother.

I'm just trying to get on your present list, BIWI!

Actually I posted a few weeks ago about what to do when you live in an old house and you can't keep it warm. I remembered we used to have a thread giving tips. I was swiftly pointed to classics and no one else posted.

I have just realised they must have thought I was begging!

I will also agree that it is both sad and understandable that the MN Secret Santa isn't happening this year.

I remember the lack of gratitude posts, they were a bit shocking really and definitely took some of the shine off the warm glow. :(

Yes to almost certainly lots of people nominating MrsC. SUCH a shitty time you'd had! but you came through it all so well.

The times I was nominated, I was really touched (and shocked) and tried to back out because of being in a different country and costing too much in postage - but MNHQ wouldn't have it, and my Secret Santas worked round it - I'm still eternally grateful to them for their kindness (and perspicacity!)

I really enjoyed sending gifts too (ok, vouchers) because, yes, it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling that I was somehow helping someone to have a better Christmas than they otherwise would have done. I'm sad to have lost that this year - but there are other ways I can do similar, so I'll do those instead.

Good thread to start, BIWI, although I fear it won't do much good.

If you didn't want to do secret santa, you could have just said so.

You didn't need to have a dig at all the women here who are struggling this Christmas as well.

Also remember people felt like it was a popularity contest, people well known on the site were being nominated repeatedly ad people who really needed something weren't

That is appalling snip. People should be ashamed of themselves.

Who's having a dig slender?
It's been acknowledged that lots on MN struggle, regularly, not just at Christmas.
The biggest problem is greedy chancers taking away the chances for MNers in need to have just a tiny little something nice.

Anyone who is struggling will now wonder if the OP means them, of course. Don't you see that threads like this make it impossible for those in genuine need to admit it? Being thought scrounging and ingenuine is always the fear when you're desperate.

Snip, I remember your lost purse & yes the response was bloody awful, what always amazed me was the amount given to some of the more well known posters at the time ( not just secret santa but fund raising in general) there were a few that must have had a lot from this site financially and I would say a good percentage of them were questionable

Oh.
That's a shame.
I wanted to nominate that lovely poster who did the wedding dress for a fellow mumsnetter who then later wore something else.
Ah well.

I saw one thread title earlier that immediately set my chancer alarm off - it really is that time of year.
ditto

I think I saw the same thread....

I'm actually sorry this thread was posted because I think there will be a lot of deserving past recipients who now feel that they are lumped in with 'chancers'.

I'm sure that's not how you meant it to sound BIWI, but that's my first reaction.

I think this could have been dealt with better on threads as they occurred.

MN Secret Santa always seemed to be more about the sender feeling good about themselves and their largesse.

Yup I really benefitted personally from that moment of glory when I

Traipsed round the shops to find something nice
Took said purchase home, lovingly wrapped it and included a personal note
Queued up at the Post Office for stamps
Handed over more money in postage than the gift cost, because I drew the short straw was paired up with a MNer from New Zealand. ... Etc etc.

Um I don't think the above (which I did two years running) was done to make myself feel better.

Just saying...

I rarely feel "offended" about much (skin like rhino) but I agree with you bewitched, the tone both to SS donators and many deserving people (yes, there are people behind the NNs with real lives) is pretty mean.

I don't apologise for starting this thread. Nor for my tone being exasperated, irritated, frustrated and angry.

It's because there are so many people who think they can scam genuine and deserving MNetters that this thread has been written.

You have a secret santa. (Dimley tries to remember) Im not popular am i...

I don't think BIWI has had a bad tone towards genuine recipients or donors, only to the minority who ruin it for the rest,

I don't think there's a lot of scammers, I think there's only a few to be honest. Unfortunately it's the few that ruin it for the majority.

I also think that very few scammers would have got nominations, it always seemed to me that it was posters with a long(ish) posting history. It's always seemed (to me) more that they are after cash donations than a £10 one off gift. It's always the ones that go
"Can't afford Christmas for my kids "
"Have you tried selling stuff on eBay?"
"Got nothing to sell "
"Kids don't need a lot - have a look on charity shops and pound shops."
"Can't afford it " etc, etc.

Unfortunately the two get muddled in people's heads.

I do think as well that people were a bit put off divulging their address post Jeffgate.

The site is just too big now and what with all the namechanging i can't work out who anyone is for long enough to nominate anyway.

If I was a MNHQer i wouldn't fancy the job of sorting it.

User 1477282676

I'm curious, how/why do you have a name like that when you are an old member of the site? Can you name change to one of these new fangled anonymous names?

BIWI, I think perhaps you've been a bit unfair about maquiladora's post. I read it and thought of the year, can't remember which one, but that year when the 'Thank You' thread was peppered with complaints from donators who hadn't found their 'thank you' and others who had received were listing what they had got and that seemed to cause strife too. Now that was really sour and bad form all round.

I never felt that the 'nominations' were going to people who needed them, just regulars who were popular and I don't think I was on my own in that feeling either. Of course some of the nominees were going through horrendous times and I'm not saying otherwise - but there were plenty of less frequent folk who could have perhaps done with a gift and didn't hit the radar.

I've contacted MNHQ before when I've had something that I can't use - and been given the details of somebody who could. So I sent it. No fanfare and no catchy title needed. Anybody else could do that too, I expect, perhaps they do?

Anyway, I'm not sorry that the Secret Santa has ended because it didn't really hit the spot once the scammers/chancers arrived. Posters can do it amongst themselves anyway if they want to.

Such a shame, I remember the first year and it was lovely to take part in something that helped those in genuine need.

I have to agree though, I didn't take part the last couple of years and instead donated gifts to a local women's hostel. It was great to let the kids take part helping too.

even I've noticed these chancery threads and I'm the last person to ever spot trolls - good on you BIWI

Overtiredbackagain, I think - although I might be wrong - that it wasn't for people in actual need. That was part of the issue; people who could afford to buy things for themselves were still being nominated because they were popular and received nominations. If that's the case then the system was at fault.

I'm donating to a women's hostel as well this year, it's a really good cause and I bet your kids had fun putting stuff together too.