... to let all you chancers know that there's no MN Secret Santa this year

[BIWI]

Mumsnet is a very different place now, compared to a few years ago, when the lovely Soapy set up the first secret Santa.

It's become a much bigger site, which obviously benefits MNHQ, but it's made a secret Santa untenable.

There have been a lot of rumblings over the last few years from people about whether we want it or not. But ultimately it's become just too big and unmanageable a job for anyone to handle.

So all you chancers who wait until this time each year to post your sob stories no longer need to bother.

I've been on-and-off this site since 2006 (diff names) and had somehow completely missed the SS tradition. I recently read a thread from a poster saying she had absolutely no money even for charity gifts. It seemed odd when it ended along the lines of "what would you ladies suggest?". People wrote very sincere replies, e.g. make gifts and enjoy the day, but to me she had a tone of wanting a benefactor to step forward.

I now read this in a new light so thanks for explaining how the SS situation worked / didn't work.

I liked the SS and I liked that you could be on the bare bones of your arse and openly ask and get advice. It was decent advice and support too, not "magical MN 29 meals out of a small chicken" advice. I'm sad that we get picked on for this sort of thing because there are genuinely vulnerable people who are missing out due to all the cynics. I agree that the scammers are a minority but they ruin it for a majority.

NavyandWhite I agree with you im maybe an old cynic with no heartstrings to tug but kind people being taken in with stories upset me more than any sobstory.

it wasn't necessarily about the needy - people nominated someone to receive a gift and people also registered to say they would send a gift and MN would match up (before that it was a very brave poster who had to practically climb a mountain to get phone signal) it wasn't about Ginslinger saying that she wanted to give BIWI a gift

Thanks for the reply, Sparkling. I'm more confused now though because HOW does nominating a poster who gives good advice/makes you laugh, etc. translate to sending stuff for the children?

I'm SURE that SandyMumsnet used to post something in chat or site stuff that was about more donators being needed. That's a bit of a far cry from sending stuff to a poster because they've been nominated. I thought that posters needing something wrote to MNHQ themselves and a list was made. I'm obviously completely wrong.

What I'm saying is that I really thought it was about people going through tough times, whatever they were, and sending them something nice at Christmas - and their children.

It's not about knowing their financial status, that's nobody's business but I wouldn't necessarily prioritise sending POSTER B something for her family because POSTER A had nominated them for making them laugh. If you see what I mean? POSTER B might be posting on AIBU about too many presents for the kids at Christmas and how to pare them down, but has been nominated by POSTER A for giving good advice/a laugh.

I'd rather give to charity, I think - and women's hostels. I do have disposable income, I'm lucky, but if I buy something or give something, I'd like to think that it was wanted/needed.

People that post that they are skint, but obviously still have either a smartphone or laptop and internet access, react very badly when told to go to cash converters with their devices.

If I was so broke that my children were hungry and cold, and I had no-one to borrow off, no friends, no family, no neighbours, no-one at work, no ability to get a payday loan, I would sacrifice my phone in a heartbeat.

I find it hard to believe there are people around with absolutely no-one in their lives to borrow a small amount of money off. Even the schoolgate mums (who are a terrifying breed) would stump up a tenner, I'm pretty sure, if the person asking was genuinely struggling.

I was nominated for SS once, after a spectacular horrible year, and it raised my spirits. I also offered to donate as well.

I was matched with myself, which made me feel a bit meg, then I was given someone to send my SS gift to, but never received anything so emailed MNHQ and the next day a £10 Amazon gift card from MNHQ landed on my doormat. Sort of ended a spectacular shitty year TBH.

It didn't stop me donating though, and up until last year, donated every year, always vouchers. Never once did I get a thank you post, but that's ok as whoever received it may have been in the same place I was those years ago.

It's a shame the decision to not do it has been made, as I've seen loads of very greatful posters with some heartbreaking stories.

DoloresVanCartier WAVES!!! , thank you so much and I will always be very appreciative of the kindness shown to me!

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Unfortunately things have gone from bad to worse to intolerable, I just don't post about it anymore due to ex-h and OW identifying me. However, life goes on and we're all fine! I can cope a lot better with it now

Also, FWIW, I do think it's a shame, there are a few very much deserving posters I would love to nominate...but understand that it's quite possibly an out of control situation now.

I've also noticed the increase in I've-got-no-money threads with a begging undertone this last week or so.

I have sent SS presents for the last couple of years & do find it sad that something that started as a way of treating people who'd had a genuinely tough year to something nice has been abused.

From previous SS threads, I think that some MNers were incredibly generous in their gifts. I can see why it would be worth someone making up a story to get nominated!

I also sent a Janet & Roy a couple of years ago. Lots of fun 😀,

poster Emmageddon
I can understand why they'd react badly though.
When on my arse my phone was worth precisely £2 to cash generator, yes, £2.
The bus to get there (too far to walk) cost over £3, and I needed my phone to liase with support services.
Granted my phone didn't have internet access, but if you're going to get less than a tenner for your phone and will have to pay out and get there and back, and you need it to look for jobs or liase with support services It'd be bloody stupid to get rid of it.

It is just different now the site is huge isn't it. Not necessarily worse,there is still a huge amount of support to be had here but different. Way back when you could mention a poster and everyone knew the back story simply because the site was slower moving so everyone saw the same threads. We knew who was related to who when sisters posted. It was different. A bunch of people went round to help one poster sort her house out when she had had a really, spectacularly shit time and it was accepted as a great thing. Now people would be a lot more wary and rightly so.

Pockets of support happen and I think some will organise their own ways of helping each other out, it is just that the speed the site moves at now makes it very difficult to catch who is in need of help and who isn't on a site wide basis. HQ have hinted that they have something else up their sleeves and I do hope that there is a Christmas charitable cause from HQ. In the meantime, look to fb and local organisations,there will be plenty of people in need locally you can enjoy picking a gift for.

As a site there is still a great legacy of generosity of spirit and kindness,just look at woolly hugs!

MNHQ have promoted the JL women's refuge gift list, and crisis at Christmas too, both of which are very good causes for anyone wanting to help others at this time of year.

Damn! I was relying on it this year for Christmas dinner, presents, clothes, booze and of course extra grass for the goat!

It's a shame, but yes, I've been here a good few years and don't even click on those threads anymore.

I never knew people did this (totally naïve emoticon). I knew people did it generally, hoping for money or help from posters but not specifically for secret Santa nominations. It's a shame because it was such a lovely idea. I was nominated a couple of years ago and I kept the labels from the parcels to remind myself of the kindness of random strangers.

Awwwww Dawn, hun, PM memyour bank details, ill send my child benefit money and my kids will just have boiled eggs and toast for Christmas instead because #charity #raisinghumblechildren

AlemonyPea

some of us have no gin to sling. how about that -

I think the sob story's are sad I have seen but I don't know if they true. So then the people who really need a help don't get. I don't think people should post their situation in order to get something. Sit back if you get nominated cool if not that's life.

Arf - I think that's a great idea - perhaps you should start one - a lot of these things get put in chat and there are brill ideas but they aren't there to last.

Lying - the original SS didn't always involve sending gifts for the children. After all, not everyone even has children on here, so that's not a "set in stone" thing.

So yes - you could nominate someone who you thought had given brilliant advice, or who had been a great support to you, or who had had a pretty bad year, or someone who you just thought could do with a boost - and MNHQ would contact them and they would send back details of their children if they wanted to (not everyone who has children wants to send details anyway) and THEN the matched donor would decide what to buy for them. Didn't have to be for the DC - but sometimes, people prefer to receive "charity" for others rather than themselves, so it was a nice way to still get the boost, and allow people to accept it who otherwise would feel very uncomfortable.

How about a step by step, idiots guide to selling on eBay?

Posters always suggest selling as a good way to raise extra cash but I certainly wouldn't know where to start and I'm sure (I hope) that I'm not alone!