Aibu not to offer to give up my seat?

[fatandold]

On a packed commuter tube carriage, I'm sitting in the "priority seat". It only just became available when we reached a station, and I was glad of the chance to sit down and it was closest to where I was standing. Currently ill with a bug and feeling like death, not that that is hugely relevant as I'm not pregnant or disabled to qualify for special treatment. If I hadn't sat there, someone else would have and nobody else appeared to be a "qualifying person".

So, a mum and little girl get on. Train becomes less packed. Girl looks about 8 yrs old, shoe size 1-2 (I'm good with shoes), and has a scooter. My instinct was to offer the girl my seat, but I dithered and the woman next to me offers her seat to the child, and the mum declines as they are getting off the next stop.

When I was a child, my mum made us get up to offer an adult a seat, regardless of whether said adult was vulnerable or in special need. This was the social convention because in those days you deferred to the older generation. When we were babies or toddlers my mum would have been given a seat and we would be on her lap. We would rarely have been offered a seat of our own. I can't remember at what age we were made to stand but probably from about 4 or 5.

So what is the cut off age or condition now? This girl was quite capable of standing, yet possibly because I have small children, and as a society we now defer to children's wants and needs far more than when I was a child, my first instinct was to offer her my seat.

I dithered with indecision paralysis, so lost the opportunity. Then I started to wonder if I actually should have offered it or not. Over to you, wise old MN.

I give up my seat if I think someone needs it - not to anyone over 5. I do however remember the first time a mum told her son to offer me his seat. She said ''Let the nice lady sit down''. I was only about 20 and was all like ''Oh my god, I'm a /lady/.'' in my head because I'd never been called it before like that.

lightsandresistance - I see your point. But I can't help thinking that when I (politely) pointed out that the offer of the seat was for the woman,not the boy,that one of them would have put me straight as to why the boy needed the seat more! I have witnessed incidents on public transport a few times,whereby someone with a hidden disability has taken a seat,and been admonished for it. The person with the hidden disability (or someone with them) has always been quick to explain why they have taken the seat. It has happened to me a couple of times. Although I use a walking stick,sometimes 2,there have been occasions when someone has not noticed it/them and started telling me off for taking a priority seat,when someone in more need should have it. Believe me,I waste no time in telling them that I DO actually need the seat and that I am registered disabled! But as I said,I completely understand your point.

Janey50 maybe they didn't want to tell you want was wrong?
I've never asked for a seat as i just can't do it and i would not be comfortable if someone asked what was wrong with me.

I work for a public transport network in a large city.

'Priority seats' are for people with disabilities, pregnant women, elderly people and people who are carrying babies or toddlers in their arms.

They're not for able-bodied children. An eight-year-old can stand up on the train/Tube/tram just as easily as an adult can. We wouldn't expect people to give up their seats for children (unless the child has a disability or is unwell, obviously, in which case we'd hope that a passenger would give up a seat for them just as they would for a disabled or unwell adult).

(I mean, obviously it's fine for anyone of any age to sit in the 'priority seats' if nobody else needs them - I don't mean to suggest you're not supposed to sit in them at all!)