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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No children at destination wedding

540 replies

RubyRed6878 · 07/11/2016 08:55

Apologies if this should be moved to Wedding thread but think it's more suited to AIBU...

Wedding is being planned in Mexico, about 100 guests will receive invites. Before people jump on and say we're being selfish, in invites are exactly that, invites not expectations at all. We'll also be having a UK celebration so will emphasise that it would be amazing for as many friends and family to be there as possible but we totally understand if people can't / don't want to make it.

The issue: DP and I are 100% sure we do not want children at the ceremony. We've been to too many weddings / events where screaming/chattering babies / toddlers have disrupted and we are too scared to take the risk for our own day. Children are more than welcome at the reception.
The issue is DPs brother, we are 99% sure they'll come to Mexico (invites not sent yet) but I'm very nervous about saying "no children at the ceremony" considering they'll have travelled all that way. DP is determined to stay firm and insist on no kids.
WWYD? Is it totally U to ask them to put their child in the kids club for an hour or so during the ceremony? I'm nervous of backing down and then having a 2 year old screaming over our vows and wishing we'd stuck to our guns, but equally am aware of what a big ask it is to leave a young child in a hotel kids club

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/11/2016 12:26

fgb No need for that at all.

PurpleDaisies · 09/11/2016 12:30

fgb many many people on here aren't mums. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. It's a bit pathetic that you have to resort to name calling instead of proper thought out argument. Biscuit

Mittensonastring · 09/11/2016 12:34

Adsa, the local petrol station and Weatherspoons are also destinations as well. What a load of pretentious Horseshit.

whyistherumgone · 09/11/2016 14:29

Wow this escalated quickly.
Fair enough if you don't agree with the OP but is there really any need for such nastiness?!

TaterTots · 09/11/2016 15:23

OP, you say both sets of parents are in favour of a 'destination wedding'. I wonder would that be the same if the in-laws knew their grandson wasn't invited?

I completely get why you might be nervous at having him there if he is often noisy (and his parents are blasé about it). But be prepared for 'persuasion' from your in-laws, to the point of emotional blackmail - especially if your fiancé's brother decides not to go because of this.

bunnyfuller · 09/11/2016 15:24

Wait till you're the parents and you get one of these invites. Weddings are enough of a to-do and expense for the not so well off, without the requirement to find childcare on a Saturday for however long. And you've added Mexico to it! Kids at weddings makes it a more friendly occasion and the vows take about 2 mins. Shame.

BirdInTheRoom · 09/11/2016 15:35

When are you planning on getting married op? Chances are, said child will have grown up a bit by then and won't be disruptive anyway?

LunaLoveg00d · 09/11/2016 15:45

My problem with "destination" weddings isn't a financial one. It's the fact that in order to attend a wedding in a far flung destination like the Caribbean or Mexico we'd need a week off work - at least - and we'd have to spend that week in a hotel which wasn't of our choosing with people we may not get along with.

For many people holiday times are precious. People often are very restricted in when they can take holiday, and attending a long haul wedding may mean they can only take days here and there for the rest of the year. A long haul wedding is completely different from a wedding in Europe where with the budget airlines you can go for a couple of nights and have one day off work, if that.

It's just very selfish of the bride and groom, even if they give it all the passive aggressive "come if you want to" stuff.

I love Mexico, have been a couple of times, and have witnessed weddings. Staff do their very best to make it special for the couple but there are ordinary holidaymakers trooping through reception in their swimmies as the bridal party is gathering, games going on in the pool and just general people milling around and gawping. Not an experience I would want at all.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/11/2016 15:50

OP you are famous! Article in Mail Online about this thread....

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/11/2016 15:53

Article (well it's a cut and paste job really) here

nooka · 09/11/2016 15:57

I'd have thought the other issue was the very long flight. Two family members with small children likely to scream down a ceremony seem to me to be likely to be problematic for long haul flights too. It could be a 10 hour flight which sounds like a bit of a nightmare with toddlers especially out of control ones.

A family willing to do this probably really really want to be there, and it will be despite Mexico not because of it. It does make me slightly wonder if her DF doesn't like his siblings very much. I'd certainly interpret it that way if one of my siblings made similar arrangements.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/11/2016 15:59

You're in the daily mail...

Angelasw · 09/11/2016 16:28

It's your wedding, your way. No one is 'entitled' to be there. If they can't make it, that's how it is. It's your Wedding! I guess you have already considered that many can't go and have your second do at home later.

I don't understand why so many think you are not considerate. They are guests, not a legal requirement. It's a big day in your life. Go for it.

Inertia · 09/11/2016 16:35

Bloody hell Daily Heil- today of all days, is there not enough actual news?

Rolopolo83 · 09/11/2016 16:39

bunnyfuller what has how OP might feel in the future if she becomes a parent got to do with anything? Child free weddings may be inconvenient to parents looking for Saturday childcare. So entitled to think the child free should have to plan their events around the convenience of those blessed with children. A nephew at a destination wedding I think should be invited, but your comment about child free wedding generally is ridiculous.

Original poster
RubyRed6878 · 09/11/2016 17:10

What a great thing to be famous for Blush awkward.
Thanks everyone again for your input. Really grateful to those who have given constructive responses, it's really given us a lot to think about.

OP posts:
Florathefern · 09/11/2016 17:38

OP I hope your destination isn't actually Mexico, your DP has more than one sibling and there are more kids involved than you stated. Your post is quite identifying otherwise and I'd ask for it to be pulled if there is any point doing so at this stage.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/11/2016 17:41

The Fail article was posted about 2.30 so it's probably a little late Sad

rollonthesummer · 09/11/2016 18:01

Does Harvey Day of the Mailonline really get paid actual money for just cutting and pasting this thread????

carefreeeee · 09/11/2016 18:07

carefree you didn't have to go did you? I don't understand this whole need for people to attend....

No I didn't have to go at all. But I wouldn't have liked to be the only one from the family not going especially when there were 70 other guests in attendance.

That's why I suggested check with your close family first. If they feel that they'd like to be there to support you, it would be considerate not to make it really difficult. If they are happy to go to Mexico and put their child into a kidsclub then there's no problem. But the fact you are posting on here suggests they might mind! Ask them! If it's a problem, compromise to accommodate them.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/11/2016 18:08

Someone certainly does. Best to abide by the adage 'if you don't want to all over the Fail, don't post it'. It's a public website, it does MNHQ a favour by increasing traffic.

I don't agree with it but that's just how it is

Whatsername17 · 09/11/2016 18:17

I'd be upset at my kids not being invited to an immediate family members wedding. Id respect your view, but I wouldn't spend all of that money going to a destination wedding without my kids. Id politely decline, but it would hurt. The child you refer to is your neice/nephew and you not wanting them at your wedding is likely to upset their parents.

Strongmummy · 09/11/2016 19:15

I just can't believe the casual racism in some of the responses you've had and reprinted in the Daily Hate "weird, foreign country" and "mosquito ridden country". Confused

TaterTots · 09/11/2016 19:35

Well OP, the Mail readers all seem to be on your side - make of that what you will...

SirChenjin · 09/11/2016 20:23

I can't say I'm surprised by the DM comments.