Absolutely fuming

[AldrinJustice]

Only posting on here for traffic.

Parked up in a car park and the owners of the car in question had seen me return to the car on my own with a baby on my hip so they obviously could see who was driving it. Was in the car with DD (14month old) Scraped someone's car as I was leaving the car park, owner of car was standing having a chat next to the car with his sister and bro in law. I didn't notice as I left, only noticed the whole family's reaction so I stopped not far from them and got out.

Immediately I realised what had happened and went over to the damage (had to leave DD in car seat) but - and this is what has me angry - the whole family, so that includes owner of car, his sister and her husband start yelling and shouting at me before I've even had a chance to say anything. It was a small scratch to the back bumper of his car.

I apologised yet his sister carries on her Tyrade of verbal abuse, saying horrible things like don't you use your mirrors, are you stupid, and some crap about how I drive a car worth £2k I told the owner to tell her to stop because I'm trying to talk to him and she's getting involved, and the owner says "no, I'm not saying it, you tell her" - all this is happening while my DD is in the other side of the car crying because of the shouting, they can all see her But don't stop. Owner of car wants my details but I said I'll take photos first.

Got back into the car, calmed DD down, called up dad and DH to come help, obviously am shaken at this point. Got back out to take photos but DD started crying again so I take her out on my hip while trying to take photos, family standing there just watching me, owner of car sneers at me and says "did you call the police or something" then laughs.

I finish taking my photos and sit in the drivers seat with DD on my lap and the door open, DH calls me and I answer but then spent the whole phonecall arguing with owners sister who feels like she has to start on me again shouting crap at me about my observation skills! I had to shout back at her this time to tell her to piss off as it's not her car, not her concern, I'm talking to the owner not her.

I've apologised, I stopped, I was going to give my details, I even offered to pay for the damage if they got a quote from the garage, yet again all that was happening was this arsehole of a woman can see I'm on my own with a baby but decides to make this whole ordeal harder for me. Accidents happen. Shit happens. I just do not understand it.

I'm now trying to feed DD a fruit pot as she's roaring hungry, has a dirty nappy but I couldn't change her. DH and dad arrive and DH gets out the car and asks who was shouting, at this point, sister and her husband get into their own car and drive off. Absolute cowards! Dad starts taking photos while DH starts arguing with the owner of the car about why they were all shouting at me but owner now wants to talk about the car and the damage!

Anyway we have exchanged details but is it a bit silly to report this altercation as verbal assault to the police? If I had my DH or someone else with me or at least not had DD with me then at least I wouldn't have been so shaken up but I was on my own and they were a family of 4 adults. I followed the relevant procedure for a RTA and it's not like I drove off. I just don't know what to do I'm so angry and so upset that this has happened. The damage to the cars isn't even a concern anymore like I said I would pay or go through insurance but I'm more upset about how they've gone and spoken to me about the whole thing. The car park was packed so plenty of witnesses but didn't get anyone's contact numbers for statements.

I'm sorry I don't know where I'm going with this post I'm just so upset. Now I have to find out what route's the best to take to deal with the damage but I don't even know where to start with that

[2kids2dogsnosense]

^There's no such thing as verbal assault,*

As I understand it (and i am NOT a lawyer) an assault is something that makes you feel under threat or which causes actual harm. To me, this was an assault - and a cowardly one at that. Both you and your poor baby must have been very distressed- - I would think your baby would have been very frightened.

If you were in a car park, it may be that you aren't legally responsible for any accidental damage you cause (deliberate damage is another matter) - and I don't know where I heard or read this but I'm sure someone in the know on here will be able to confirm it, or to shoot me down in flames.

How do you know tat you actually caused the damage - you said that you didn't feel any impact. It may be that you barely (and harmlessly) nudged the other car, and that scratch was there previously and they weren't even aware of it. Was there a similar scratch on your vehicle?

Hoep you are feeling a bit better now - what a nasty thing to happen.

[MrsPilkington]

Goodness. I hope you're ok. i don't think I'd have noticed such a small bump either. My youngest screams at the top of his lungs every goddamn second we're in the car and the older two argue relentlessly and scream "mum he did that" "but mum he said this first!" So I'm usually flustered, distracted and obvlivious. Man I hate driving with kids hope you're ok op

[2kids2dogsnosense]

So if you hadn't noticed their reaction you'd have driven off and left their car damaged? Might be why tempers were so flared

OP didn't realise that she had had a bump.

[Serialweightwatcher]

It was intimidating and nasty and people shouldn't be allowed to get away with this type of behaviour but all too often they do ....... sorry you've had a rotten time OP - there are a lot of shits in this world unfortunately. Those on here who have been rude to you, shouldn't be - not everyone's the same and it has obviously upset OP when she was stressed and trying to cope with the baby and that bitch at the same time - don't be awful for the sake of it

[Winemamma]

If someone scrapes/crashes into your car and then appears to drive off, I imagine most people would be fuming. But op stopped and realised something had happened and did the right thing.
There are nasty bullies of all ages op, I would let the insurance deal with it, don't bother with the police, have a glass or two of wine and put it down to (a nasty) experience but also put things into perspective, no one was hurt and not much damage done by the sounds of it.

[Leanin15yearsmaybe]

No such thing as verbal assault? There is under S4 of the public order act - threatening words and behaviour. Unfortunately it does need to be witnessed though.

Hope you are feeling less shaken now op

[Brightredpencil]

If have given them a second chance to behave then set in my car whilst calling 101. Try not to let it upset you OP. We all make mistakes they should have been a bit more understanding and less aggressive.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

I think it's very unfair the way some people are saying that the OP "could have" done this, "should have" done that - she was shocked and distressed and upset by the effect this had on her baby.. What do you think would have happened if she had tried to leave? - they wouldn't just accept her details; they went off it!

They may have kicked her car, or banged on the windscreen - why shouldn't OP get moral and physical support in the form of DF and DH?

You should not have to out up with this abuse from other drivers, OP - you did the right thing.

[Ifailed]

I think the pedants stating "There's no such thing as verbal assault" are correct, yet you can be subjected to an Assault verbally, under Common Law.

[cherish123]

Hmm. While I would not have shouted at someone who bashed my car, I can understand why they were upset. To them, it looked as though you bashed their car and had no intention of stopping. I am puzzled as to why you would need two other adults to sort out their problems. You should have just taken a few pics, exchanged details and left.

[Stegfi]

I have to say I'm pretty shocked by some of the reactions on here. As previously stated accidents happen, you made an error, but there is no excuse for bullying and this could easily have been sorted without unpleasantness.
I don't think it would be unreasonable to report the incident to the police via 101 or even better an online form including time, date, location, vehicle make, model, colour and reg and a description of those involved. It probably won't be investigated but it will be recorded and add information to their system.
With adrenaline running in these situations it's difficult to think straight. I'm sorry you had to go through this and sorry others couldn't be more supportive.

[Kika2901]

YANBU. They sound like pretty irrational people who need a little perspective! You bumped their car and offered to sort, they are being totally unreasonable responding the way they did and anyone who thinks that's normal behaviour on this thread is probably the exact same type of person who would act that way probably so not worth listening to them. Unless they threatened you, it's probably not worth going to the police as it will just drag the whole thing out, put it behind you and let the insurers deal with it.

[manicmij]

If this occurred on a supermarket car park ground, would you be held responsible for accident. May well be treated as private ground therefore not liable to usual road laws. Check it out. I have damaged a car by crawling into a parking space so slowly I didn't realise I was actually denting the door. Didn't feel or hear a thing. Only when I returned to car did I notice I had a dent and so did the other car. It was definitely me who caused it. So I can sympathise with you.No need for other folk to be shirty about the mishap though. I'd definitely check out the private land thing.

[lynzeylou]

I don't think they were right to shout at you but I can understand their anger. It can be a lot of hassle sorting out a claim, I've had one ongoing for a year over a very minor bump where the other driver admitted fault straight away. In all that time I've been paying much higher insurance and had loads of paperwork to deal with, car seats to replace, repairs etc.
It is nerve wracking when you have your first accident though, I've only had 2 that were my fault in 19 years and both involved hitting parked cars, one of which I scraped so lightly I didn't realise till DH told me. So I can fully sympathise on how that can happen. Just chalk it up to experience, you'll know better how to deal with it next time.

[Chinlo]

If I got out of my car to apologise/assess damage/swap details after scraping another car and the owner and friends/family started yelling abuse at me, I would just walk away.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

[Badbadbunny]

The way to deal with this is to just drive away and report the incident to both the police and your insurance company as soon as you can. That way you can't be done for failing to report an accident. Let the other party contact the police for your details.

In any case where tempers are rising it's better to take yourself out of the situation to avoid escalation.

[lizzieoak]

What annoys me is that I'm 99% sure this would not have happened if you'd been a man. I'm a small woman and people take liberties all the time by shouting etc.

It is upsetting, of course. I'm really envious you have not one but two men to show up & help you out. None of my male friends or relatives would piss on me if I was on fire, so silver lining there!

[HeCantBeSerious]

If this occurred on a supermarket car park ground, would you be held responsible for accident. May well be treated as private ground therefore not liable to usual road laws. Check it out. I have damaged a car by crawling into a parking space so slowly I didn't realise I was actually denting the door. Didn't feel or hear a thing. Only when I returned to car did I notice I had a dent and so did the other car. It was definitely me who caused it. So I can sympathise with you.No need for other folk to be shirty about the mishap though. I'd definitely check out the private land thing.

Of course you are, under the civil tort of negligence. You're covered by your car insurance in the car park (which is considered public land because nobody is prevented from accessing it) so you're also responsible for your actions in it!

[thenovice]

I had a similar thing happen except a man drove into the back of me and totalled the car when it was dark and I was on my own with 2 small DDs. He was shouting at me. I called the police and husband. He became much more polite when they arrived. There are just some very nasty bullies out there. Do it through your insurance. Otherwise you don't have any control over how this will turn out. Insurance company puts a distance between you and them. Avoid contact with them (if you see sh*t on the pavement, you walk around it, not over it). The insurance company can do it for you and this too will pass.

[OlennasWimple]

The baby was so distressed she sat and ate an apple pot

[PupPupBoogie]

Yabu to use disablist language. Especially in a post complaining about verbal abuse!

[IonaMumsnet]

Evening all. We've had quite a few reports about a word in the OP which we would consider to be disablist (the OP herself reported it, too, after it was pointed out to her) so we've agreed to edit the OP to remove that word. We've also withdrawn any posts where people repeated the word as it seemed a bit pointless to remove it once and not delete every instance. Sorry for messing with the thread but we thought it was for the best.

[DeleteOrDecay]

The baby was so distressed she sat and ate an apple pot

Eh? What's your point?