Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my SIL to keep her ds at table while my dd is still eating ?

146 replies

PoppyPie · 11/02/2007 21:38

Otherwise she naturally wants to get down too and she hasn't eaten anything.My SIL just didn't bother while her DS of 4 went off with DD's games and it messed up the entire dinner.

OP posts:
moondog · 11/02/2007 21:40

Yes

northerner · 11/02/2007 21:40

Unreasonable I think.

My ds is 4, he leaves the table when he has finished. Could not expect him to stay seated till others had finised.

Sorry but that's just me!

pooka · 11/02/2007 21:41

Hmmm. I don't think I'd expect anyone else to keep their child at the table if they were happy that they had finished.
So if my children were still eating and my SIL was to let her children get down because they'd finished I wouldn't think badly of her - I'd just concentrate on what my children were doing.
Tough one though.

hana · 11/02/2007 21:41

yes
you need to relax rules a bit when there are others for meals

Hillary · 11/02/2007 21:41

I dont think thats being unreasonable at all, as soon as one person gets down all the other children want to follow.

I'm very strict on table manners.

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 11/02/2007 21:42

Unless it was an unusually formal dinner I wouldn't expect a child to sit at the table until everyone else had finished. In fact even at a fairly formal dinner as long as they asked politely I wouldn't make them stay at the table. If your dd won't stay at the table unless other children do - when they have finished eating and she hasn't - I would say that was your problem, not your SIL's or her ds's.

edam · 11/02/2007 21:42

I always ask, if we are eating in someone else's house, whether it's OK for ds to get down. Or make him ask (he's 3.5 so younger than her ds). But some people aren't as bothered about 'please may I get down from the table' these days.

Sobernow · 11/02/2007 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 11/02/2007 21:43

Bit harsh, Greensleeves, think it's entirely normal for one child who sees another going off to play to want to follow!

2shoescoveredinhearts · 11/02/2007 21:43

i always thought it was good manners to stay at the table till everyone was finished. so would find it rather rude

bran · 11/02/2007 21:44

Yes, unreasonable I think. If your dd hadn't eaten anything at all in the time that he was sitting at the table then she probably wouldn't have eaten very much in the extra 10-15 mins if you SIL had kept him at the table anyway.

We try to encourage ds 2.8 yrs to stay at the table until we've finished (not terribly successfully), but tbh I wouldn't keep him just because one of the other children at the table was a slow eater.

fireflyfairy2 · 11/02/2007 21:46

What did you expect the boy to do if he had ate everything that he was going to eat? I wouldn't expect all of them to sit there whilst waiting for everyone to finish. I just teach my child that they have to sit at the table until they have finished [or ate all they want] regardless of what other people are doing

SUrely the boy would have been bored stiff sitting there waiting for someone else to finish. Especially if they are like my 6yr old niece..she eats at a snails pace. It would simply be totally unfair to expect her brothers to wait for her to finish dinner.... they'd grow roots

Original poster
PoppyPie · 11/02/2007 21:46

i didn't expect SIl's dd to stay at table until we had all finished, just my dd who is 2. I thought maybe SIL could have entertained hima table with books or something until she saw my dd was finished.

OP posts:
MrsGordonRamsay · 11/02/2007 21:46

Unreasonable'ish.

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 11/02/2007 21:47

Ah, now you see reading at the dinner table really is bad form

You are getting your knickers in a twist about nothing. Forget it

Skribble · 11/02/2007 21:47

I expect a child of four to eat their dinner then go and play while adults finish eating.

I don't like to let them up and down while eating or inbetween nibbles, but if they get down once they are finished (don't have to clear plate everythime but a good effort at least), then they are finished, we sit for ages chatting so wouldn't expect them to sit all that time.

They could get down once finished main course then return for desert if we were taking ages, now they are older they wait at the table until we are all finished main course or go and dish up desert for us all.

bandstand · 11/02/2007 21:47

no, they should try and stay at the table

Skribble · 11/02/2007 21:50

Mind you if more than one kid I would try to get them to wait until other child finished, to give them half a chance of eating something..

.. but if they had eaten all their food and the other child hadn't touched anything then that might seem a bit unreasonable, so perhaps the fact the child had't even started eating had already messed things up.

MrsGordonRamsay · 11/02/2007 21:51

Is your child a slow eater ?????

DS will happily wait for a child who is not far behind.

He is 5 and quite grown up, I would not expect him to sit for tooooooooooooooo long.

And to be quite honest, I want him to sit to the table, exhibit some manners, then be a child. Then I want to exhale as he gets down from the table.

Why would you expect another adult to prolong their agony for you ??

I said ish, but actually on reflection you are being unreasonable.

shimmy21 · 11/02/2007 21:51

Unreasonable. He's 4 for goodness sake. At that age you are doing well if they are using a knife and fork in the right hands and eating with their mouths closed. 4 year olds aren't famous for their attention span and expecting a child to stay sitting watching someone else eat at that age seems bizarre to me. But I would expect a child to ask 'please may I get down?' (and I would always say yes if they'd finished.)

Monkeytrousers · 11/02/2007 21:52

yes. sorry

Original poster
PoppyPie · 11/02/2007 21:54

Ok, so i should chill out more.
Next question, is it normal for same nephew to take all dd's toys out but not involved her in any games, not even chatting to her ?

OP posts:
smoggie · 11/02/2007 21:54

I'm afraid I think yes, it is a bit unreasonable. Your message could well have been from my sis, as I allow ds1 (3.10) to leave the table once he is finished. Sometimes if I think her dd is nearly finished I ask him to stay until she finishes, but usually she takes so long to eat and they have much stricter mealtime rules than us that I don't see the point in confusing him by changing the rules when we are with somebody else. I don't want mealtimes to become an issue and as long as he asks, then I'm happy for him to leave the table and do something interesting rather than sitting there killing time until somebody else is forced yet another mouthful.

I have become much much more relaxed about this over the last 6 months and I now feel that as ds1 has a good appetite and diet at home, I really don't mind if he leaves the table early, even if he hasn't eaten much - for the number of times he sees his cousins, I'd rather they were playing/enjoying themselves than being forced to sit at the table.

northerner · 11/02/2007 21:55

nephew is 4 yes? Your dd is 2? That is a massive gap imo regarding playing and interaxting with each other.

Nephew probaly thinks your dd is a baby tby

Give it 10 years and he'll have arotten crush on her but then she'll want nothing to do with him

Aloha · 11/02/2007 21:56

Are you seriously asking if a child of FOUR is being unreasonable? Of course they are! They are FOUR! It's your job, if you are not happy with the interaction, to interact with them and encourage a two-way game! He may be an unfriendly little scrote, but he's only four!