to expect my SIL to keep her ds at table while my dd is still eating ?

[PoppyPie]

Otherwise she naturally wants to get down too and she hasn't eaten anything.My SIL just didn't bother while her DS of 4 went off with DD's games and it messed up the entire dinner.

I think you are being unreasonable. I don't see the point in keeping small children at the table.

I too think you are being unreasonable. there are a million and one things to really get worked up about, this isn't one of them.

My 2 children are 5 and 3 and I do try and encourage them to stay at the table at least until each other has finished.
My ds who is 5 always wants to get down first and then my dd who is 3 then wants to follow and in turn does'nt finish her meal.

I think it is good manners and it's nice to sit and chat altogether at the end of the day.
DH likes to catch up with them and find out what they have been up to and all sitting at the table together is an ideal way to
do that and have their attention for a short time at least.!!!!

when i was growing up it was expected of us not to get down from the table until everyone had finished eating, unless there was someone taking forever. this did not include waiting until people had finished talking which might continue for a while after they had finished eating iyswim. the only other time we were excused before others had finished was to do work/chores.

Well, I don't think you're being unreasonable re the table thing, it would have got my back up too. Was it at your house? If so, SIL should really have asked. Has she always done this or is it a recent thing your DD eating with your nephew?

Is your SIL Italian? Many (though by no means all) do have different ideas about table manners and all that - just look at a pizzeria at 11pm, shrieking children running all over the place. I know my ss had absolutely no table manners at age 9, but then he had no rules either - had it been up to his Dad he'd have been eating crisps before dinner, watching TV until midnight or playing 18+ games on the Playstation (happily now broken). There is a theory among quite a few parents here that by teaching them manners you are suppressing their natural creativity. This theory was rife when I was a babysitter too, so it's not new. I do understand what you mean about not liking him much, a child with no boundaries does more often than not come across as thoroughly obnoxious.

Poppypie, I think you are being unreasonable on both counts.

You could be my SIL. She has 2 yr old dd and I have ds, 3.

ds is full of energy and rarely stops, only to looks at books and sleep.

We have rules and they are broken, a lot. We are trying to find what works when it comes to 'discipline'.

If I were to insist that ds stayed at the table (at a larger than normal family meal)until dn finished in would be miserable for everyone.

Instead, he gets down and plays nicely.

What would you do?, really?

I hope your dd remains to be so conciderate, truly I do. Sometimes I think it would be easier to not bother going anywhere with ds, but again, that would make everyone miserable.

If you have any tips(that you think I havent already tried), please pass them on.

My Dh gets down from the table when footys on, but DD makes him ask nicely first.

Mine can leave the table when they are finished eating. On the proviso that they thank whomever prepared the meal and ask to be excused.

This is not something I have ever really thought about, as we generally finish eating at the same time.

My eldest 4 children 8, 7, 5, 3, all have to ask if they may leave the table. They must take their empty plates to the sink bas well. However, you cannot expect guests to play by your rules .

I don't think you are being unreasonable. My children are 5 and 2 and they are not allowed to get down until everyone has finished eating. Then they ask politely and thank the cook. Although it is sometimes amusing when DS starts asking who made it so he knows who to thank. They have been expected to stay at the table since they were 12 months. Of course, if we have visitors the adults may stay at the table yakking and drinking coffee and the children can go play.

I got a bit uppity about this the other week TBH at my MILs regarding my nephew, although given that I was tired, hungover, had just been swimming to a noisy leisure pool and was coming down with a cold I very much doubt I was being reasonable... And there was more to it than just this the staying at the table thing.

My children salute the cook, go round the table clockwise shaking the hands of fellow diners then sit on the sofa quietly for 10 minutes to allow food to digest.

I'm not sure why this is a big issue. I agree that in an ideal world, children would sit neatly until everyone has finished eating, but its too much to expect of a 4 year old IMHO. I am trying to acheive this with my 6.5 year old atm and he's finding it quite difficult to sit still for ages and wait for his sister,who eats much more slowly than him.

Maybe you should just let this one go and try again in a couple of years when the lad is a bit older?

lol pointdog

Northerner, your meal times sound like ours. I try to get as much down ds (5) as possible in the 3.5 minutes he sits at the table, then he's off like a shot. Completely unteachable. DD on the other hand, who is 3, has been brought up exactly the same and can sit for ages at the table.

When ds goes to other houses for his supper, I warn the parents and then it's up to them what rules they apply and how they handle him. He seems to get invited back so either he sits at their tables (which I doubt) or they just accept him for who he is. The mohther of one of his friends actually phoned me the other day to say 'XXX actually said he was hungry and could he have his supper now!'. That's how uniterested he is in food.

Haven't read the whole of the thread. I think it depends upon where the meal takes place - if at your SIL's house where the house rules are that you don't have to stay seated at the table, I think you just have to tough it out....

If at your house where the form is that you do remain seated, I would have a quiet word with your SIL and enlist her cooperation..

Good debate! Thanks to Brangelina - you seem to know where I am coming from.SophiaAmes - mostly agree with what you said too.
FWIW relationship with SIL is fine.Neither of us comments/interfers with parenting of other even though I'm sure she finds my ways strange compared to hers and vice versa.Nephew is always welcomed and I am always friendly with him so the fact I don't find him a likeable child is not shown publicly.

He is a little boy who was prob excited by all the new toys. I don’t like either of my sils but I adore their children and I feel the way you talk about a little boy so sad

Stop resurrecting old threads. Honestly, it's so annoying.