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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Destination Wedding and no plus one- AIBU

147 replies

VIX1307 · 03/11/2016 12:48

One of my good friends has invited me to her wedding next July, it is a destination wedding in Italy.
AIBU to be upset that she has not given me a plus one? I can understand more for a wedding based near home going alone, but I just feel a bit put out that I'm willing to spend hundreds of pounds to travel across countries to attend her wedding but she won't allow a plus one. This is likely to be my summer holiday too.
I am the only single person going (everyone else has been given a plus one as they have a SO) and therefore paying for a room on my own, where everyone else can obviously split the cost. I will have to travel alone and stay in a b&b.
I know two other people attending (one who will be on bridesmaid duty all day, plus her other half)
I brought it up with her and mentioned that it would actually be cheaper for me to pay myself for the extra head and then split the cost of a room with a friend or my sister. She said "except we don't want a randomer at our wedding".
What do you think?

OP posts:

Hastalapasta · 03/11/2016 12:49

Her wedding so up to her, tbh I would find a SO pronto!

baconandeggies · 03/11/2016 12:51

YABU - she can invite who she likes. You could also invite someone to travel out there and share a holiday with (if that's what you prefer), but obvs they wouldn't attend the wedding stuff.

GinIsIn · 03/11/2016 12:53

A plus one isn't a default - it's for a significant other so unfortunately YABU.

MsVestibule · 03/11/2016 12:53

What is the minimum time you can realistically go for?

And as for a 'randomer', that's ridiculous. Is having somebody she doesn't know there really going to spoil her big day? I'd be inclined to not go, but know that might be difficult.

IScreamYouScream · 03/11/2016 12:55

I think I would politely decline.

EweAreHere · 03/11/2016 12:55

Decline.

Yes, she can invite who she wants and you don't have a SO to invite anyway. But I can see why this would rather suck for your.

Decline. Use your holiday time and hard earned money to have a holiday with a friend or friends.

deepdarkwood · 03/11/2016 12:55

I'd ask someone else to come along if it's going to be your main holiday, but they just have a day on their own whilst you're at the wedding. Assuming that the wedding isn't going to stretch into a pre-wedding meal; pre-pre-wedding breakfast; post wedding lunch; post wedding trip to xx...

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2016 12:55

I'm not sure of the issue here. You don't have a partner so natural of her not to invite one. And no you cant bring a random person she doesn't know nor wish to attend to her wedding,

Bring a mate on holiday by all means, just attend the wedding on your own, I'm sure uour friend or sister can occupy themselves for a day.

So yes, you're being unreasonable.

leopardchanges · 03/11/2016 12:56

On the "randomer" front, is it a big wedding? Someone they don't know attending a wedding of 20 friends and family is very different than if it's 200 people. But not a nice phrase.

SpotTheDuck · 03/11/2016 12:59

Well you could take a friend to enjoy Italy, but obv they can't come to anything wedding related.

I'm afraid I've never heard of somebody single being given a "plus one" to a wedding. The "plus one" is so you can bring your partner (and it's usually only for serious partners who have been around long-term).

Your friend hasn't done anything wrong, or even unusual, here. Up to you whether or not to go of course - if you can't afford it then just politely decline.

Original poster

VIX1307 · 03/11/2016 13:03

Thanks all. I think I just feel slightly pressurized to go whether I can afford it or not! The room is nearly £100 a night so for 5 nights plus flights and extra spending money this is going to end up being close to a grand! Halfing the room costs would have helped! I may just politely decline then...

OP posts:

RandomMess · 03/11/2016 13:06

TBH I would decline, it's a huge amount of money and I wouldn't want to go without it being a holiday with a good friend/SO but then you have the complication of that friend having to entertain themselves for the day...

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/11/2016 13:08

I'm not sure of the issue here. You don't have a partner so natural of her not to invite one. And no you cant bring a random person she doesn't know nor wish to attend to her wedding

I agree.

OobryJoobry · 03/11/2016 13:12

I know the standard response - it's an invitation not a summons etc - but on my wedding day I wanted the people there to enjoy themselves too. We had a small wedding (45 people) and had one friend who didn't know anyone else so she brought her new boyfriend. I'd never met him, but it meant friend was happy and comfortable too. And especially as you've offered to cover extra costs, I think YANBU.

Scribblegirl · 03/11/2016 13:13

I'd bring your sister, make a week of it but your sister can find something to do on the day of the wedding. Then it feels like a proper holiday with a wedding thrown in.

I'm sorry but YABU to ask for a plus one.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/11/2016 13:14

"The room is nearly £100 a night so for 5 nights ... "
Is the wedding one day, or are there 'event' spread over that length of time?

Scribblegirl · 03/11/2016 13:14

Random, I'd be delighted to have to find myself something to do in Italy for a day (rather than attend the wedding of someone I don't know, anyway!)

Pallisers · 03/11/2016 13:15

I can understand why she doesn't want a stranger at her wedding. But surely if you have a destination wedding you expect some people - even people close to you - to refuse the invitation.

I wouldn't use up my summer holiday to go to a wedding on my own. I'd politely refuse.

Scribblegirl · 03/11/2016 13:15

Oobry, I'm having to trim people from my wedding list because I don't have room for everyone I love. I'd be a bit put out at having to accommodate someone I didn't love - even if they were being paid for!

Hippee · 03/11/2016 13:17

Everyone will say "their wedding, their choice" but I think it's a shame. Two of my friends asked if they could bring a plus one - one because she was single and one because her SO couldn't come. It didn't spoil our wedding at all. And other guests brought their granddaughter (they came from overseas and were making a holiday of the visit). When we went to an Italian wedding, the wedding couple told us that it was traditional for them to pay for guests' accommodation - perhaps you could ask your wedding couple whether they could follow the Italian tradition .

5moreminutes · 03/11/2016 13:18

Don't go. How rude - "we don't want a randomer at our wedding" Maybe you don't want to spend your summer holiday budget and annual leave to be a gooseberry in a sea of couples!

Squiff85 · 03/11/2016 13:21

People will say YABU but I agree with you. Unfortunately some people dont have the same morals or principles as others. Good luck!

Flamingflume · 03/11/2016 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Manumission · 03/11/2016 13:24

"except we don't want a randomer at our wedding".

She sounds erm.. nice? Classy?

Does she actually speak like that?

Original poster

VIX1307 · 03/11/2016 13:25

Yes I wouldn't even mind sharing with someone else. I messaged her asking if there was anyone else going alone and she said no. There was one girl but she's now got a new boyfriend so I think she's bringing him now...
Would now involve me staying at a completely different b&b to be anywhere near affordable, getting ready alone, travelling there and back alone each night. It's an 'event' based over 3 days and then a day either side to relax.

OP posts:

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