Destination Wedding and no plus one- AIBU

[VIX1307]

One of my good friends has invited me to her wedding next July, it is a destination wedding in Italy.
AIBU to be upset that she has not given me a plus one? I can understand more for a wedding based near home going alone, but I just feel a bit put out that I'm willing to spend hundreds of pounds to travel across countries to attend her wedding but she won't allow a plus one. This is likely to be my summer holiday too.
I am the only single person going (everyone else has been given a plus one as they have a SO) and therefore paying for a room on my own, where everyone else can obviously split the cost. I will have to travel alone and stay in a b&b.
I know two other people attending (one who will be on bridesmaid duty all day, plus her other half)
I brought it up with her and mentioned that it would actually be cheaper for me to pay myself for the extra head and then split the cost of a room with a friend or my sister. She said "except we don't want a randomer at our wedding".
What do you think?

OP - you haven't said why you can't take someone along with you who then just doesn't go to the wedding?

Just make a holiday of it with your sister. It's only one day you won't be with her then

In your shoes OP, I would decline. I would never invite a single person to a wedding / party without a plus one, especially not if the wedding is overseas. A plus one isn't necessarily a partner - its whoever you want it to be! It think its very harsh to expected you to travel and stay there on your own. I wouldn't fancy it at all. Don't feel bad if you do decide to decline

Just don't go op.

I think the bride is being very uncaring towards a friend so yanbu to be slightly offended or upset. However yabu to expect or insist on bring someone she doesn't know to her wedding. I am guessing as it's a destination wedding it will be a reasonably intimate wedding party. The person would end up in the pictures (as much as you think they could just stand aside it would be awkward on the day) and just make the day a little awkward. She can't tell you who to take away with you though. If you wanted to you could bring someone and share your room with them. That isn't the bride's call but it would make it awkward again for breakfasts, meals or any other planned parts of the wedding that are expected alongside the actual ceremony.

I would probably just decline on costs and invite them round with their wedding photos for an evening when they get back. Then you can enjoy a holiday of your choice to a destination of your choice with the companion .... you guessed it ... of your choice.

She's doesn't really sound like a 'good' friend from what you've said, OP. She certainly isn't treating you like one.

I would just politely decline.

I would politely decline. An 'event' wedding lasting three days, with a day either side to relax, is a ridiculous concept anyway.

Your friend doesn't sound particularly charming, what with the randomer comment and all that.

Bride and groom want to duck off abroad to get married over 5 bloody days? Up to them of course, no issue, but they must accept that people may not be willing to use up a big chunk of their al to humour them.

Massively in two minds about this. Generally, I believe significant others should be invited but I think it's a big imposition on the couple to give everyone a plus one. I also agree with the sentiment of not wanting one of their wedding guests to be someone unknown to them.

Having said that, I think it's about different with a DW. It is such a big imposition on guests to ask them to use up a holiday on their wedding, but not allow them to bring a friend so as to make a holiday of it.

I wouldn't want someone to bring a friend I didn't know to my wedding, but then again I would never ask guests to fly to Italy for 5 days at huge cost to attend. I also get why it's awkward to take a friend for the holiday and then ditch them for the wedding stuff.

On balance, YANBU

was a while ago but I invited several old uni friends to my wedding and didn't even think not to ask them to bring a friend/ partner as they were travelling over 300 miles and staying in central London. We had a small wedding too and actually it was lovely meeting those few people for the first time, especially as I looked awesome ;-). If you have nice friends, it stands to reason that they will have nice friends too. TBH I wouldn't go and just send a nice gift instead. You will see it all on Facebook anyway, at the time and EVERY YEAR afterwards with Facebook memories ;-)

Some people just are not good hosts!

She is NBU for not wanting to pay for a stranger to be at her wedding, however YANBU for not wanting to shell out hundreds of pounds for her wedding abroad on your own. I would decline.

I think yanbu, I'd never dream of not including a plus 1 on an invite. I invite couples together, or person plus 1 to single people.
My best friend was my one and only bridesmaid when I got married last year. We knew she had a boyfriend but we'd never met her boyfriend but they were invited as a couple. They were both surprised as we'd never met him before (we live best part of 250 miles away), but we simply said you're a couple you come as a pair.

"Radomer?"
It sounds like the bride thinks the OP wants to bring along some guy she picked up at the airport lounge.

My fiancé and I are having a destination wedding in a couple of months. There are c35 people coming so it's fairly small.

All of guests have plus one invites whether they have a partner or not, because the most important thing to us (apart from the actual getting hitched bit) is that all our guests have a good time and feel comfortable, rather than our photo grouping being perfect!
This has meant that there are some people attending that neither of us have met and that's fine with us because its the right thing to do. It would be miserable to be the only single person on what is effectively a group couples holiday.

I think your "friend" is being rude and entitled and if I were you I would be declining politely.

Yanbu. Invites without a plus one are only suitable if it's local. And/or there are other guests that solo guests will know that are in the same situation, eg a group of work friends. Although personally I'd just invite all plus ones.

If three days are taken up with wedding celebrations op can't really bring a friend and just not take them to the wedding, , she might as well go on her own in the first place.

Double standards with the other guest and her new bf.

As they say here, politely decline.

The thing is, if someone wants people to travel to another country for their wedding, they should anticipate that some won't be able to make it (for whatever reason) and be kind and gracious when they say no.

Do you actually want to go to the wedding? If not, say no now - you won't be able to make it but you hope they have a wonderful time.

Don't say that it is because you haven't been given a plus one. They may know that is the reason but there isn't actually a need to give a reason for turning down a wedding invitation.

OP, I feel your dilemma, especially if its a good friend and you'd like to be there at her wedding.

I hate going alone to weddings. I love the service but the rest of it,... Meh.... Always get sat with people you barely know on the "odds & sods" table, as everyone else is in couples making a neat 8 per table .. & they think "you'll just get on with their other single friends"! Argh...!! I do try but there's always some creepy single guy...

Not that its relevant to your dilemma but I learnt to say no after the worst wedding ever...
One of my close friends was organising her wedding in Italy about 3 years ago (before term time hols fining came in). Cost was escalating as it was all in a remote castle hotel in the countryside/ hills and was for 5 nights. It was a huge hotel so plenty of room. Then just before booking she said I had no plus 1 option, none of my DC were invited although I'm a SM (& my DC, her DD , my friend & I are all really close/all well behaved and DC excited about going!) and we couldn't afford a family holiday for god knows how many years if I went to her wedding abroad.... Not even an invite for my DD whom she'd promised could be a bridesmaid. Because she 'realised' I'd be too busy to play with my kids and it 'wasn't fair on them'... (For 6 days.... Whaaaat did she have planned?!!!). That made it so much easier to see I needed to politely decline.

(She eventually changed venue to uk as too few people could afford it, & they got married in uk,... Yup was not allowed a plus one- even though i said my I'd take my sensible DD as my plus one (there were other DC going) or another girlie friend of hers who she liked too - because I didn't have a boyf and 'it was more a couples thing'- and my friend and I even offered to pay her meal etc, and ...Yeah I sucked it up, went alone... was slapped on O&S table and "volunteered" into ferrying people to from venues including lift home to 2 drunk aunties on a 20 mile round trip! All with a babysitter to get back to before 11pm ... after 10 hours away!)

I don't like going to weddings without a plus one now on my invite. I say upfront, Fab please can i take my (middle preteen...) DD as my plus one. It's miserable otherwise and Letchy Uncles steer more clear if you are with your DD and making effort to entertain & shepherd all the other kids at the wedding too.

Sorry, I went into a rant then off topic!

To recap.... Weddings ain't fun when you're on your own ... and expensive weddings abroad with no plus one option, even a mutual friend .... Strewth! It's a bigger ask than your friend realises.

YANBU. The invite should have included a plus one. The bride must obviously know that most people will be treating the wedding as a mini break, and she expects you to go on your own and pay the same as it would two people. She is being a bit precious in my opinion.

Don't go, it's a thoughtless ask from the bride and groom for you to spend that time alone. Don't go!

Having a destination wedding and not offering a plus one is fucking rude, not a hope in hell would I even consider it! Not a hope in hell would I spend money to travel abroad with someone who was invited to a wedding with no plus one to keep them company when I had to head off alone for the day and have that whole Billy no mates awkwardness when meeting other wedding guests either. Tell her do one op yanbu

I'd feel so uncomfortable at a 5 day event on my own. It sounds like you don't even know many of the other guests. Honestly, I'd politely decline.

Sounds bloody great to me - a solo holiday abroad but with lots of bonuses. No annoying partners or friends who have the potential of ruining the trip because we fall out however on the other hand a load of wedding guests I can choose to hang out with (or not) as I choose to therefore preventing potential loneliness - a win win .. manna from heaven ... but then I'm old and exhausted with teenagers and dogs and elderly parents to care for and not a holiday in sight. Can I go instead?

Decline! 5 days by yourself in another country for 1 wedding. No way. Destination wedding hell. Don't go. It will be ridiculously expensive and boring. No no no.

I wouldn't fork out all that money for this person. You won't be the only one declining

I know this is quite sad really, but a friend of mine arranged her daughter's wedding in Spain - sent out all the invitations, only to find that all the people who had said it was a lovely idea, one by one declined because it was just too expensive. She had to cancel the arrangements and reorganise locally. Fortunately for her it was well ahead of time so no money was lost.