How much would you judge this family at the playground?

[RedStripeLass]

Sunday afternoon. Family of three, Mum, Dad and daughter aged 3 arrive at a small, quiet playground. Within seconds she drops her banana and starts shouting loudly "fucks sake, fucking hell" etc .

Then she goes to get on the roundabout and a younger child about 1-2 ish tries to get on to. She screams and pushes him off saying "no babies" he starts crying and her mum apologises profusely, very embarrassed and tells her dd to apologise too.

Mum and daughter then go on to play happily in the playground whilst dad hangs back on the grass with a beer and a joint. Mum tries occasionally to get him to join in their games.

I'm ashamed to say this a snapshot of me and my family. After starting a thread elsewhere I've become increasingly worried about our family and am gearing up the courage to talk with our health visitor today but I'm very afraid that she'll escalate it.

Honest opinions please, would you judge us if you were at the playground that day?

I'm not like the mums at dds school btw. Not part of the clique. Dd has 3 good friends, 2 parents won't invite her on play dates. Ridiculous reasons and not for SN - not that this should be a reason either. Some "naice" middle class parents are the worst. The "queen bee" has said some shitty stuff to her kids about other children (mother of one of dds friends)

I'd think the mum was very courageous for acknowledging that her partner's behaviour is a problem and that this isn't what she wants for her daughter or herself.

Best of luck OP.

Aeroflotgirl

Mummy is saying what would happen at her children's school. She isn't condoning it.

I'd have asked your husband to move away (even with a cigarette to be honest). WTF was he thinking in t playground with a joint?

I don't think you had any right to tell your daughter off for swearing as she has learned it from you (as mine has from me).

I would have judged you negatively, yes. I think this is an incredibly brave thread for you to have started and wish you well on your journey to find a way out of these behaviours.

a unashamedly Jeremy Kyle situation

Whenever my home descends into chaos I just know I'm now going to look around and think, 'This is an unashamedly Jeremy Kyle situation'.

mummy that is downright nasty, and bullying. It says a lot about those mum's. If my child was friends with the child, and they liked them, they get invited.

Mummy is condoning it by using it as a threat over the OP.

'Leave him or nasty little shits will bully your DD.'

I know usual. One mum has really had a hard time from the parents. And her ds has been shouted at on numerous occasions by the parents too. He's calmed down now thank goodness as he used to hit the other children a lot, including my dd. I understood and his mum was addressing it. I once went to tell him he'd done something nice because I knew he could do with some praise from other parents. He put his fingers in his ears as he though I was telling him off. Poor kid.

Ah, OP

You know what? I judge you way less than the 'naice' MC mummy whose boy of 3/4 also shouted 'no babies' to my 1yo and pushed her.

I told him in no certain terms to stop that right now whilst MC mummy looked on gormlessly. Then made PA comments to little Sebastian about how 'perhaps he shouldn't play over there since That Woman might tell him off'.

I judged her hard. But you have the self-awareness to see the changes you want and you are not raising your DD to be a little bully.

No I'm not condoning it rainy. That is putting words in my mouth. The op needs to know how horrid adults can be.

I would have phoned the police immediately with a parent smoking a joint in the park.

I didn't realise on your other thread that he actually smoked and drank in the park!

Or as I did the other day when someone was smoking in the street on the way to school gone straight up to them and ranted and shouted about how disgusting they were for about 10 mins.

I wouldn't want my child involved with a family like that, either, tbh.

I wouldn't say awful things to my dc about a child, and I certainly wouldn't stop them playing in the yard, or condone them saying mean things to such a child.

But I wouldn't be encouraging any sort of friendship, I wouldn't have my kids in that type of house, and I wouldn't want the child at my house, because I wouldn't want to form any sort of acquaintance with the parents.

You repeated three times in your post 'is that what you want for your DD?'

You made no mention of the fact it's disgusting behaviour for them.

LTB, don't LTB but I'll tell you now - spiteful witches don't get to decide what I do in my marriage and I bet OP feels the same.

DS's best friend has a horrendous home life.

He's a lovely kid.

Banning him from my house because of his parents? No chance. A good kid is a good kid.

I think mummy wants the OP to know what the reality would be like for her child if she lived close to mummy. That's what the OP posted for - a reality check. Would you prefer that everyone was too nice to tell her that her DD would be ostracised if she lived in their area? I would have thought it was exactly the kind of information that was being sought.

I don't think decisions about a marriage should be made on the back of pathetic gossipy people to be frank.

Rainy. It was for emphasis. Thanks for calling me a spiteful witch btw. Very nice.

We all live together and he's not a threat. He's depressed and in a bad place. We are safe. No abuse or anything like like. Just a bit useless sometimes.

And sorry have to pull you up on that.

There IS abuse. And you know it.

What you mean is he doesn't physically beat you.

Just seen your post slender. Thanks. 👍 That's exactly my reasoning.

Actually Mummy, I didn't. Not that I don't think your post was spiteful but nonetheless I was referring to the people who would 'ostracise' the daughter and say awful things about her.

Which is spiteful witch-like behaviour isn't it?

Ah rainy. I see, yes. As I said. I'm not part of the clique.

This thread seems like a step backwards to me, sorry.

You are falling back on all the old minimising;

'I wouldn't let her go without' - except you have let her go with out and she only has a coat because other people are taking responsibility for making sure she has a coat.

'He is going through a difficult time' - no, he has always been addicted to and abused substances the whole time you have known him. You are only starting to feel a little uncomfortable now you child is already being ruined by it and even then you are making excuses and minimising the effects. He has conditioned you to be in the rescuer role and him in the victim. The problem is that he is an abusive addict, your relationship is abusive, your dd is neglected because of it and he will not changed and you can't even talk to him about it because you are afraid of him/change.

mummy that boy might have Autism, that sounds like an Autistic trait, covering ears and finding it hard to accept praise. My friends ds who has ASD has done that. My dd who also has ASD used to bite and hit in mainstream school, winder what those witches would have said She's in a SS and so problems now.