To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

Letting other parents know that she will keep money she took from you as a retainer whilst withdrawing the place you were retaining is entirely fair

But that's not really what's happened. The OP was asked to pay £150 per month. The OP, I assume, has paid one month, and has used 3.5 days during that month. She hasn't paid this months retainer, obviously. The CM has really only kept the money she has been paid for 4 days work. The most she owes back is half a day. Quite different from the picture you are suggesting the OP tells people.

Her business practices are not on the level
Why? She hasn't kept any money for which she hasn't provided a service. It would be different if she hadn't provided any childcare during that time, and had suddenly changed her mind.

It's been above board, albeit badly handled.

all this talk of stealing the retainer or scamming!
she has taken 4 days fees fro you and looked after the baby for 4 days!

I'm a childminder and yes a lot of people become childminders to earn a living whilst still being at home with their children and quite often their own children struggle with the new dynamics that having other children in your home brings ......... I did it arse about tit ........ Didn't become one till my children were past after school club age but not quite old enough to have a door key. Best thing I ever did. Maximum of 3 children at a time, plenty of time given to all and every single child is valued regardless of how much of my time they need ........

She dumped your babies things on the doorstep without contacting you to arrange a time to drop them off, she sounds very unsuitable. I would be worried for children in her care.

Pyke, you said it was 'actionable'. Which essentially means cautioning the OP against telling other people she's rubbish because the CM might take legal action. In reality it's extremely unlikely she would take legal action, and even if she did the CM would almost certainly lose because it's factual. And in a case like this the OP really would be doing a favour to anybody she told. I really don't see why anyone should have any sympathy for the CM. She seems to be able to pick up and drop work at will. Potentially she could do this to mothers who will lose their jobs and not be able to pay the rent or put food on the table. I really hope the OP isn't put off from warning anyone who asks because of a suggestion it would be 'actionable' when it really wouldn't.

The childcare the OP received is not childcare she would have paid for or wanted had it not been for the promise of ongoing childcare starting in December.

Therefore charging her for it, when you have changed your mind about offering the service you promised, is not honest.

I would no do business with a person or business who tied me into a deal, then cancelled it and expected me to pay for services during that period.

An decent and competent CM who honestly wanted to cancel the deal would feel bad for the enormous inconvenience caused by starting a xhild in a childcare setting and then ending the arrangement and leaving the OP with a month to make alternative arrangements.

To charge £150 for causing that amount of inconvenience s just shite.

It us not how honest people behave.

I wouldn't touch a CM who had done this.

I honestly thought by your posts op it might be her own child was finding her childminding too hard for him to cope with and it really isn't tour baby.

My youngest was 8 when I started and good as she was it's hard on them being put last which they are.

Childminding is a very tricky balance and people don't always realise that.

She's an arsehole. Better than you found out before he actually started.
He is a baby, I'm not sure what she expects from babies. And her 3 year old sounds like a brat.
She should give you,the £150 back.
I think some people become child,infers thinking it will be an easy life. It isn't. It's a proper job.

*childminders

Depends on the contract she signed bill as I last posted.

I know CMs who have taken legal action against malicious claims not saying this is just cautionioning the LTB types here.

The childcare the OP received is not childcare she would have paid for or wanted had it not been for the promise of ongoing childcare starting in December

But wouldn't most CMs have some kind of paid trial or settling in period, where either side could withdraw from the arrangement if it's not in the best interests of everyone concerned? Surely it's better that the OP finds out now that this is not the best fit for her child, rather than in December when she has paid 2 months of retainers, and has already started work.

I do think that maybe the CM could have tried for a bit longer to see if things settled, but then that would have meant more money wasted, and somethimes these things just don't work out. What would you rather happen? That the CM and all the children were unhappy with the setting but ploughed on regardless?

And her 3 year old sounds like a brat

Christ on a bike! Her three year old sounds like a three year old ! You have no idea if she's a brat or not!

I would prefer that the £150 was paid back.

It was paid to reduce the likelihood that the OP would renege on the deal.

The CM has reneged, so she should pay it back.

And she would if she was an honest person.

Taking legal action against malicious claims is very different from trying to take action against people telling their friends things that happened.

*The CM has reneged, so she should pay it back.

And she would if she was an honest person*

Surely this would depend on the contract terms? You have no idea if she is honest or not. She's provided 3.5 days service, I would imagine that most CMs charge for their time during trial periods, even if there is a decision not to continue after this time.

out totally agree with you in it's not being an easy option for a sahm.

Maybe in the past but now it's a proper career and business and she doesn't sound suited to it and probably has enough commitments

I think keeping that money is dishonest.

I wouldn't treat my clients like that.

I would be ashamed to. Because it is dishonest.

Writing contracts that allow you to behave dishonestly doesn't make this kind of sharp practice OK.

You don't refuse to return a retainer in these circumstances unless you are a gouger.

I am far from alone in deciding I won't do business with people who are shady in their dealings.

No Doingit I agree completely. The CM has behaved at best unprofessionally in her comments about the baby, the drive by drop off and no offer of the money back. I certainly would not want to be dealing with her.

I'm interested in how you responded to the wording in her email? I'd have been very inclined to let her know I was grateful she admitted early on she wasn't up to the task and her child wasn't able to be around it. I'd be putting the 'problem' with the situation on her as opposed to her letting her blame your baby.

It wouldn't solve anything but would make me feel better that I'd let her know I wouldn't be thinking for a second it was the 'fault' of my baby...

The CM has behaved at best unprofessionally in her comments about the baby

I do agree with this. She hasn't exactly covered herself in glory with the way she's handled it. But I can't agree that she's dishonest, surely childminders are allowed to charge for settling in periods, even if they don't go on to take on the child full time.

She's had a shock at her 3 year olds reaction and realised she won't be able to give OP's child adequate care. She's charged for 4 days care and provided them (well 3.5 of them).

She was unprofessional in the way she handled it and dumped stuff on the doorstep.

She's is probably having a serious rethink about what children her 3 year old can cope with.

She has provided care the OP didn't need.

And caused enormous inconvenience by leaving her with only a month to find alternative care.

She should refund the £150.

I don't know if it helps but same happened with my ds and his first childminder- after less than a week she said he wasn't going to settle and basically refused to have him. To be fair he wasn't an easy baby- I never pretended he was! He did cry and needed help getting to sleep but she hadn't been concerned in settling sessions. I left a review saying no concerns but be cautious if very young children because I didn't want others to be left without childcare like I was! Found a more experienced childminder who ds loves now!

Was the £150 per month based on 4 days (ie £37.50 per day) or an average monthly fee (ie rate per day * 52 / 12)? If it's an average monthly fee you have actually paid for 4.4 days of child care. I wouldn't expect you to be entitled to the whole £150 back but you will be entitled to some back which you should definitely ask for.

As for the rest just be glad you are out of it now and don't recommend her. Sounds like there was a reason she was the only one local with space.

ick I think that was a very fair review.

To be honest I know some wonderful cms and I think I was pretty bloody good too according to my parents but it really really isn't for everyone and th

Sorry and was going to say the registering process is pretty robust now so surprised she made it through.

My initial inspection lasted 3 hours and was quite rightly very tough.