To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

[ChasedByBees]

I would ask for the money back and even consider small claims if she won't return it. If also report her to ofsted as her child screaming in the face of a baby isn't good and she seems to blame a 6mo for that!

[ScarletForYa]

She's totally unprofessional. Holidays at a days notice! Calling your baby 'difficult'. Allowing your child to scream in the baby's face.

So much wrong here. Report her and save some other poor parent from this charlatan.

[happystory]

Terrible woman. What happened to Every Child Matters? I agree that you are well shot of her but this is dreadful professional practice.

[Cheby]

What 6 month old baby is going to be settled in a new child care setting in 3 days?! Of course he was crying FFS. It takes time to get used to new people.

She sounds like she doesn't know anything about babies. Agree you've dodged a bullet, and definitely report to ofsted.

[ComputerDog]

Yes, the fact her toddler screamed in the face of your baby is HER fault. Not the fault of you or your DS!!! I'd be very embarrassed and apologetic if my child screamed at someone else's baby.

[ScarletForYa]

Allowing her child

[welshgirlwannabe]

That's awful. her behaviour is an indication of how well she is able to do her job and says nothing about your son. Babies can be difficult. If you don't have strategies on place to deal with that why become a child minder?

I would definitely tell other local parents about this. Not to be vindictive l, but because she sounds unreliable and not good at her job. I wouldn't want someone like that looking after my baby. If there is a local forum to review childcare I would definitely post your experience.

Would a nursery be a better fit, as your not depending on one person to run the show?

[llhj]

Is she registered? Was she recommended? It sounds bizarre actually and I'd be reporting her and demanding my money back.

[llhj]

I've never heard of such behaviour from a childminder. Not even close.

[Dagnabit]

She sounds absolutely appalling and you should thank your lucky stars that your son doesn't have to stay in that environment. I would report her to Ofsted for the unprofessional behaviour and not refunding at least part of the retainment fee....her business should take the hit, imho. If hours and finances suit, I'd wholly recommend a nursery setting. Good luck!

[Introvertedbuthappy]

RE taking who she wants, actually I agree - she should. However what happened to me suggests either her settling in process is not robust enough (would have allowed us both to walk away with no loss) or that her daughter is struggling with her mother's role as childminder and needs a better transition herself with this.
I found her as all other childminders in the area who were recommended to me were full. These childminders then recommended me this one. She has no CC report as she only registered last year.
In terms of why I'm most upset it is the money (especially when I'm on SMP) and the language used. If she had said 'sorry, but I do not feel I am equipped to meet your son's needs as my daughter has struggled with the amount of attention he needs to require settling' then fine. Being told he's difficult and she's 'never seen a baby like it'; not fine.
I am going for a settling session at a nursery near my work today. I went to see it Tuesday afternoon and it looks great, although I am obviously nervous that my instincts are out of whack due to this experience.

[HeadDreamer]

A lot of childminders only do school age children. So maybe that's what she's more used to? I agree she's not a good fit for your child.

[DoinItFine]

I would make an official complaint to her chilminder's organisation. I would also check who does her inspections and get in touch with them. Parental feedback is very important in assessing how good a CM is.

I would also take her to the small claims court to get back the retainer she is trying to steal from you.

I would also make sure every one of my friends with children knew what an unprofessional, dishonest, and useless childminder she was.

[DoinItFine]

She's not a good fit for any child.

She is a scam artist.

[Jackiebrambles]

I'd complain about her too. She sounds bloody horrible.

Also, to make all these comments/judgements/decisions after 3.5 days - that's hardly long to expect a baby to settle down is it??

It took a good 2-3 weeks for my baby to settle at nursery. She wanted to be held and cuddled. And you know what, they bloody well did it and I love them for it.

[JellyBelli]

I'd want my money back, and I'd use Trading Standards or the Small claims court to get it.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I don't believe the retainer will be recoverable if the childcare has been used. It will be for any months that you didn't use it, but it sounds like you've held the place for 4 months, and you've had 3.5 days care from it, so you'd be trying to recover 0.5 days.

Her handling of the situation has been poor. I'd be inclined to wonder whether she's been approached by someone wanting easier childcare five days a week, and as that's more profitable, has gone with that instead. Or that she's just realised that having a young baby will reduce her ratios for older children.

Regardless, I hope the nursery goes well.

[Artandco]

Surely she doesn't owe any money back though? OP was paying £150 a month for no service, just to reserve space. That's non refundable. Ok then actually used 3.5 days a week out of that money also.

[MauiWest]

She sounds awful, you are having a lucky escape. It's fortunately quite rare to have bad childminders, but you can feel more relax with a nursery: more than one adult to look after children!

Regarding the money, you said that you paid £150 a month (1 day a week's fees and he has been there 3.5 days so I am not sure how you can ask for it back when you have used her services.

[Trifleorbust]

She can choose to only take easy children if she wants. She isn't obliged to take care of any children for money, so if she doesn't feel a placement is working out that's her call.

[DoinItFine]

Of course money paid to reserve a space is recoverabke if the space is then withdrawn by the service provider

The OP was tricked into using for a service based on the promise of future service which has been withdrawn.

[gillybeanz]

I'd get in touch with her and threaten trading standards and Ofsted, not sure which could help tbh, but it might scare her into refunding your £150.

She may have bitten off more than she can chew, and of course she can take who she wants, but her business practice is suspect and not very professional at all.

Good luck finding a replacement, there are some good cm around.

[MadameCholetsDirtySecret]

The deposit should be refundable if the service provider pulls out. She is breaking the contract.

[gamerwidow]

It was tactless and rude of her to make personal jibes about your baby. At the same time though if your baby hasn't settled in and she felt she couldn't cope with looking after him it is best for her to stop.
My CM has on one occasion terminated a contract with another child during my 5 years with her because they were affecting her ability to look after her other mindees. I think it's right she was able to do that.

[StarBears]

At the very least, if £150 represents 5 days care and she's had him 3.5 days, she should owe you a 1.5 day refund.

Unprofessional of her to describe your son in the detail she has, I'd say.

Saying something like the needs of a baby his age have turned out to be not a match for the group as a whole would be better, but blaming it on your DS in the way she has means she claims "more right" to hold on to your money.

The only good thing is that you have found out early so your DS hasn't had to bear with her inability to manage her charges. He should be somewhere that he's welcomed at, encouraged and loved.