To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

dear Ofsted I want to report that my childminders 3 Year old screamed at my baby please do have some bloody sense.

Op your cm was honest with you at least credit her for that.

When I was a CM I was on the brink of giving new notice to an 9 month old who literally screamed non stop for 4 weeks unless held. She stopped suddenly rye day before I cracked and turned into the loveliest child I ever made minded. Don't take it personally it was just a bad fit.

She doesn't seem at all professional and you are well out of it. I am a childminder and I choose who I want as a customer, but my choice is influenced by the parents not the child. Some babies start out "easy" but become challenging at a later age and vice versa but you have to treat each child with equal concern, easy or hard.

Her volatile child screaming in a babies face, because she cannot cope with the noise. That woman than, should not be taking in babies or toddlers because they can cry. She has the audacity to blame your baby, when he is doing what babies do. She should not be in that job, she is not cut for it.

She sounds like a complete fuckwit to be honest. No idea what she expected of your poor baby and leaving stuff on your doorstep is utterly cowardly and childish. The number people mentioning dodged bullets are definitely onto something. At least you didn't get a few months down the line after the settling in period to find this out. Don't get too pissed off about the money, it really won't be worth the stress, as annoying as it is. Write it off as money to learn she was not right for your baby and you know what to look and ask for next time. Next time, ask probing questions about quotas, their intentions re. Numbers of children and ages of those children, and most of all go by word of mouth. Ask everyone you know if they can recommend someone. If it is one day a week you want, I imagine a lot have one spare day which is quieter than the rest so you shouldn't find it too hard to get someone good. Good luck, getting someone decent is an absolute nightmare.

Some babies start out "easy" but become challenging at a later age and vice versa

Well quite.

You would have to wonder what kind of business some of the people on this thread thinks CMs are in.

"I only want to look after cute babies with no teeth and that are non-mobile."

roundabout

You can't insist she gives the most bet back unless it's against the contract the op would have signed.

And your advice to make sure you warn everyone you know she is hopeless coukd be actionable.

The arrangment broke down but as far as op is posting the cm has not been guilty of anything other than being tactless and honestly stating she can't cope with this child.

I understand it is deeply hurtful that the cm didn't take to your baby, but what did your contract say about a 'trial ' period?

What does your contract say about the holding deposit and early termination? I'm sure ours had a 3 week settling in period or something and specified what happened to deposits if the contract was terminated in that time. I'm afraid possibly not recoverable.

I'd be tempted to name and shame on your local parents' facebook group. In a completely factual way. I think other parents would appreciate the heads-up. Also feed back to the other CM who recommended her, as it makes them look bad too and they may want to reconsider recommending in future. Not in a revenge way, just I wouldn't want other parents to go through the same in her quest for "easy" mindees.

Ha! What a load of rot Pyke. I'd love to see the CM take action against someone who said she was rubbish because she's a childminder who can't cope with, uh, children.

LOL at it being actionable to tell your friends she is a crap childminder who can't mind babies and is shady with money.

Good luck taking that action!

Particularly when all the OP needs to do is relate what happened and everyone will understand both incompetence and dishonesty

and my advice to the cm would be look for another career. Ifs not for you.

She left all his belongings on your doorstep and ran away how upsetting. Just shows she's not very professional or knows how to effectively communicate with people.

Don't put it on FB.

Just tell people.

Word gets around fast about things like this.

No seriously I agree she sounds as if she isn't right for child minding but that's different from calling her incompetent and a thief.

By all means the op has a perfect right time to relay the facts but embroidering these are not on.

Cms have and do have legal cover as part of their insurance.

However I totally agree she's not right for the job.

I am concerned about the screaming incident. I appreciate that she was honest. She only had her child and mine that day - I am concerned it got to the point where my son had been crying inconsolably for so long (really not like him) that her child was able to get into his face and scream at him.

I'm concerned that her child is finding the CM too challenging. Said child was very clingy during settling visit, but CM explained that child was worse in front of parents. The incident described suggests that there may be more to it and that her child is finding it different.
I am concerned about the fact the wrong wipes were returned given my child's eczema and how he reacts to different things quite severely. Those are my main issues of concerns. I know I won't get more than half a day's pay back.
I am not planning to 'badmouth' said CM, but will state facts honestly when asked.

You don't need to embroider any facts to read her as being incompetent and dishonest.

People need to really trust a CM. Someone who would hold on to £150 in these circumstances is not someone I would consider honest enough tongave sole care of my children all day.

Fwiw I don't think she is a thief. I do think she was shaken by her child's reaction, but think she has been unprofessional in blaming a 6mo baby after only 3.5 days of care.

Bill I didn't say that did I though? of course op could tell people her experience but she needs to be careful er the contract she signed and the deposit. Calling her a thief or dodgy coukd be a mistake.

Writing things here isn't gobbling off in RL

Yes I agree in principal but it depends on her contract. Op signed it and so it's binding.

If that is what she signed.

This is a big problem for cms I always insisted on parents coming to the signing without the kids so no distractions and going through it line by line.'

But anyway hopefully this CM will see it's not for her or do older kids.

Letting other parents know that she will keep money she took from you as a retainer whilst withdrawing the place you were retaining is entirely fair.

Her business practices are not on the level and no parent is going to agree to pay to retain a place for 3 months that can be withdrawn due to childminding being hard while the CM keeps the money.

Dodgy as fuck.

Our two DC went to the same CM before our DS started school. We originally chose a CM part time for the DC (they also go/went to a nursery) because we needed a bit more flexibility than the nursery could give us and because we wanted to have someone who could pick up the DC from school when they started.

Our DS has had some very bad behaviour both at the CM and at nursery and this has included some hitting/pushing of DD who is 2 1/2 years younger. CM rightly expressed concern, she has been the main one to deal with this apart from us (he had less time to play with her at nursery).

CM was also quite old-fashioned in her expectations of some things (not necessarily in a bad way but more cultural differences) and though DS was very settled with her when younger, we think they both found each other quite hard work once DD came along. CM was however very patient spending time with DS on his drawing/pencil skills and he didn't get as much one to one time in other settings so we were very grateful for her doing that.

When DS was applying for his school place we asked CM if she'd do pickup depending on which he got into - but she said no she would prefer just to look after DD.

There may be other reasons but we suspect it has partly been to do with his behaviour. And in a way we had taken up the place in order for us to also be able to use after school care so were let down on that.

In an ideal world every CM would be able to cope with all varieties of children but in the real world our CM is a very good fit for our DD but was not in the end the best ever CM for our DS. We now have a very young and bouncy babysitter who picks him up that day and is very patient taking him to the park or playing cards with him at home. Our DD gets "granny time" with the CM and her grandchildren and everyone is happy, except possibly for our bank balance.

However our CM has only ever been professional in her descriptions of his behaviour and has mainly said how concerned she has been for DD. This has helped a lot to keep our relationship good.

PS I agree about letting other parents know. We are very happy with our CM's care for our DD as a preschooler but would be straightforward in letting other parents know that we were hoping to use her after school but she's decided not to make herself available for that.

DC1 was the easiest baby on the planet. For me. Even my mum once admitted he was a different baby when I wasn't around and he got kicked out of nursery at 7 months because he just couldn't settle. It took me a while to get my head around as, with me, he was this contented happy little boy.

Personally, the posters demanding you give her a bad report are kind of jumping the gun as that's only something you can decide on. Without us knowing the other side of the story, we can't judge.

There are some children that are harder to deal with than others. I have run a baby room as a nursery nurse and dealt with newborns/babies as a nanny but I have recently had to leave a temp job as I couldn't deal with the baby - extremely high needs, and it was in the best interests of the baby and myself. Baby just screamed continuously, couldn't be calmed/wouldn't be put up but didn't want to be held etc.

Maybe what you see in your baby is different to what a professional sees or can deal with. What's worse her telling you now or her struggling through and giving notice in a few weeks.

I actually think some people have this idea that becoming a childminder is suitable work for them/easy to do when they're home looking after their own children.

I venture that they soon find out this is not the case and it's actually a very demanding job to do well, dealing with variously aged children, paperwork, inspections, managing home and family.

This woman doesn't have a clue - it's why she had space and the other ones in your area didn't.

You have had a lucky escape and whilst I would also be tempted to report, I don't know if it will get you very far.