To think that if you become a childminder you should not just take 'easy' children

[Introvertedbuthappy]

I go back to work in December and decided on a childminder to look after my baby for the three days a week I'll be working. As I started looking in September I was asked to pay £150 a month until then to hold the place (1 day a week's fees) and as part of that could obviously use that day as childcare (as it was already being paid for). All fine.
Since then he has been there 3.5 days (CM wanted to cut one day short to go on holiday at a day's notice). On Tuesday she called to say that she will no longer look after my 6.5 month old as he is 'a difficult baby', 'cries a lot' and 'needs a lot of attention'. She also described an incident where her 3 year old got so frustrated with my son's crying her child 'screamed in his face, which was distressing not only for yoyr son, but myself and my daughter'. She has 'never seen a baby like it' (not in a positive way).
I am both devastated and angry. He is generally a happy chap, does like a lot of stimulation, but is happy to roll around/jump in his jumparoo/chase a pack of wipes round, but does obviously need to be picked up sometimes (ie like a typical baby). He doesn't sleep much but is generally not grumpy with it.
I'm upset about a number of things - the screaming incident, the language used about my son to turn down the contract and the fact I've pissed £150 down the drain to hold a place I can't take up.
So, AIBU or should she have attempted to settle him better before branding him a 'difficult' baby?

You've had a lucky escape but I think you should try and recover the £150. (not sure if its me but wondering if its a racket?). Is she now looking after another child with a deposit who she will make an excuse about...
Was there a contract for the deposit or any receipt or invoice? If you have anything in writing I would say to her that you feel she has mislead you and you expect the money back.

If I did report it would be about care, but I'm not sure it would warrant further action. It does concern me that her child was able to scream in my baby's face when she was only looking after him and her own child. I am also concerned (but no one else has mentioned) the fact that the water wipes I had supplied (2 packs) were not used and the ones dumped on my doorstep were supermarket saver ones (and only 1 pack). Not an issue for some, except my son has eczema and it is exacerbated by chemicals. I can't even wash his clothes on a high heat/use tumble dryer as it makes his eczema worse. I am concerned that despite knowing this (and having been given prescription cream) she has clearly been using the wrong wipes.
I am not going to report just now as I want to ensure I am reporting due to concern, not over the hurt of my son's rejection.

So what would she have done if you hadn't have taken up the sessions before actually starting "for real"? It does seem like she's taking the piss.

What a shame. It's stressful enough leaving your baby to go back to work without this. So she gave your baby 3.5 days to get used to her and settle before deciding he was difficult? I think she has perhaps realised babies are hard work and not for her. Fair enough - but she could have handled it better. Since it was her decision to terminate the contract I would expect Any retainer to be returned unless the childcare to that amount has been used. CM is within rights to accept whichever children she wants. I'm sure your baby is no more difficult than any other, and hopefully you'll find a CM who is a much better fit for you and your baby.

has she ever done any childminding before? Sounds as if she just wants something that fits in with her life with no change for her. None of the excellent childminders I have use have been anything like this so to me she sounds unprofessional. Maybe dodged a bullet?

The CM sounds inexperinced and unprofessional. I can't imagine why she chose to tell you about her child screaming in her baby's face, it paints her in a bad light and you are upset at hearing it.

RE the £150 - you have used the service in that time so I doubt you would have grounds for a refund. If you had paid the retainer and not had any days then yes, she should refund.

As a CM myself, a crying baby is very distressing for everybody. I took on a 12 month old who cried all day - my children were beside themselves the first day as they were so upset, it was a holiday so they were here all day (normally at school). It took quite a while to settle him - I never told the parents he cried constanly, I just said he was unsettled - its hard enough leaving your child with someone without having to hear they have cried all day.

I sent pictures of any time he smiled (infrequent). Eventually, he did settle.
However, if he hadn't I would have terminated as childminders are not super human and yes, I prefer an easier child. Its a hard enough job and we have other children to consider. But I'd have a go at settling the child in.
You could report to ofsted but they wouldn't investigate, they might put a note on file for her first inspection visit, maybe to ask about settling in plans and how she might deal with crying babies.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience - most of use are very nice!

I used to work as a CM and there are some parents who are oblivious to a normal amount of attention a child needs. I had one parent who said he doesn't like it if he cant see you so I carry him around the house in a baby carrier! Some parents spend every minute with their child which in reality for most doesn't happen, you have other children or household tasks etc and you can't give a child your undivided attention. If one child cries and whinges all day it is draining on everyone, personally I would have given it another week but if he doesn't fit in with the other kids it's not going to work! I would however expect my £150 back!!

Nellie whereas my CM asked if she could carry DS in a sling, that was her kind of thing. He was not keen on them as it turns out he has ASD and has sensory issues with them. Easy as anything to mind apparently though.

Different strokes and all that.

Sorry Bellie bloody autocorrect

She sounds dreadful...absolutely dreadful. But perhaps you should see this as a narrow escape before something serious happened.

I'd never trust anyone who screamed at my boy...not even family.

And get your £150 back!

It was a three year old that screamed. Not sure you need to trust her for anything.

Nothing wrong with your child. Know that. Own it.
She not right CM. That's ok. You'll find right one. This is just providence.

I may have missed something....
Without doubt , you and your child have dodged one as she sounds incompetent and less than committed. However, whilst I understand you wouldn't have given 150 unless you believed it was to
Secure an ongoing place, i don't understand now that the arrangements broken down, why you'd expect that back?
I thought your op stated that the 150 was per month for one day per week and that baby had been there 3.5 days; surely bar half a day , you got what you paid for??

I think she's entitled not to take on a child, but the way that she spoke about a baby was ridiculous and unprofessional. I would think about reporting it to ofsted because of the language used, it says to me that there is a lack of understanding about babies and child development and a lack of professionalism and understanding how to communicate with parents. It is a lucky escape, definitely.

I'd do as above, write a letter asking for the £150 back and also mention the 2 packs of wipes were not returned as she gave you one of hers that she is welcome to take back.

No harm in asking and she clearly would know she has your wipes.

Of course she can choose who she takes. However how much have you paid for the days she has done? Is the £150 on top of that? If so try and get it back. The other thing for me would be there is no need whatsoever to describe your child like that. A 6.5 month old newly separated from their Mum with a new person looking after them is bound to need lots of attention. SHE shouldn't have taken on a baby if she couldn't cope or she thought her child would get stressed. SHE did not act in a professional manner with the dumping of the clothes or the way she talked about the poor little one.
I feel for you op, sending lots of love to you and your little one. A horrible situation. Make sure you leave her some bad reviews if she treats you unfairly and you don't get the money back, actually you would probably be doing a service to anyone wanting to leave their baby with her. Your poor little one was rightly unsettled.

Sounds awful !!! I would call up ofstead and complain,she didn't do her job correctly and professionally,and try to get a refund

She does have the right to choose who she wants but she sounds rude, unexperienced and horrible! She should give you the money back as they were meant in order for her to retain a place for your son, which is not happening anymore by the look of things. Hope you find a better fit for your son! She probably isn't very good anyway if she wasn't able to settle him...

Think childminders should take who they feelmabke to care for adequately. If my childminder was struggling with my child I'd rather know so I could find better care than carry on in a less than good set up

How horrible for you. Any young baby requires lots of one to one care. As a mother she must surely know that, and should not have accepted your baby in the first place if she couldn't cope. Seems to me she was quick to take your money but has treated you and your baby shabbily. Hope you find much better childcare.

This kind of happened to me except I got my deposit back. She had my baby for one morning - he cried inconsolably after waking from his nap and she got me to come and get him (fine) and said she didn't feel the daycare was right for him! I suspect there are some people out there who are not really willing to take babies but will make an exception for very easy ones... as i'm sure most babies take more than one or two days to be fine with daycare! Good luck finding someone more professional- maybe write a review on yelp or something so she doesn't get off scott free!

I was coming on to say that more likely it's the difficult parents that childminders try and avoid! They have every right to choose who to mind in any case.

But I agree she doesn't sound great! It has to be right with such a young child, the baby has to really take to the minder and vice versa. I found a great childminder when DD1 was small. She had so many years of experience having been a nanny then a childminder. She had three school age children and other mindees before and after school. But all day it was one to one care with just her and DD1. Then DD1 enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the kids after school. It was like being part of a large family and she loved it.

My first childminder complained that my son cried all the time. I was made to feel like I'd spoiled him. I realised that she'd put a toy in front of him and he'd cry because he was bored and wanted something else to do. I'm sure it would be great if you could leave them dotted around the room but he wanted more stimulation. I moved him to another childminder where he was happy and they did lots of activities. A curious child is nothing to be ashamed of and unfortunately there are some childminders who seem to pick and choose for an easier life.

it must be very difficult to look after a baby who screams and cries for hours at end

Only with this childminder, it would appear. Babies do pick up on stressful environments. The fact that her own three year old child would scream in the op's baby's face (by the CM's own admission) might lead you to suspect that either the child has been on the receiving end of such behaviour, views it as acceptable, or the CM hasn't been overly patient with the baby, and has been modelling frustration and annoyance with the baby to her own daughter.

when she also has to look after the other children, whose day is being disrupted.

Only her own daughter, on the day of the screaming in face incident.