to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

Ignore BeMorePanda. Sounds like she also takes the piss at work and is defensive about it.

I agree that the colleagues have behaved very badly and that the email should be raised with management. However comments such as 'could have kept their legs crossed' are inappropriate. You have a legitimate cause for complaint but that type of comment does nothing to aide your cause.

if 'the struggles' (tiny violin) are so bad then they could have just kept their legs crossed.

Wow! Nice bit of misogyny there.

I am presuming they are all women then. Why are you not berating their partners/fathers of their children for not stepping up and providing more support? They also made the choice to have children. Clearly they also made the choice that it wasn't their responsibility to look after those children either.

I'm thinking Bemorepanda and MrsTerryPratchett have hit the nail on the head.

what CHRJ says is good eg call a meeting and draw all this to managers attention.

That's unbelievable!

Lastly I think you and some others on this thread need to be a bit more empathetic.

I am a parent and quite a few others have said there are too.

This has nothing to do with being more empathetic and everything to do with the colleagues taking advantage.

Having DC isn't an excuse for doing whatever you want.

why don't you take your whining elsewhere?

So this is fine, but when she mentions colleagues whining about 'the struggles of having children', she has a 'shitty attitude'?

Her colleagues are choosing, because she doesn't have children, to:

1. Leave her unable to take leave at August and Christmas;
2. Leave her stuck as the last one in the office all the time because they've all fucked off on flexi;
3. Send sneering emails saying it's basically fine to fuck her over on this all the time because as a childless person, she has 'nothing better to do'.

In what world is that ok? And in what world would the OP then be sympathetic about the 'struggles of having children'? These 'struggles' are being used to shit on her daily, why should she be fine with that?

I have kids and can't stand that crap.

I was on your side till you said people like me should keep there legs crossed

Now I'm pretty sure you are being deliberately goady and perhaps you should have woken up years ago and worked to rule rather than let it carry on for so long?

TiredStressed if you got an email like the one OP got then I'm sure you wouldn't be feeling kindly towards your colleagues and few inappropriate comments aimed at the women having children may slip out too.

last workplace i worked where women had children one of the workers worked part time and organised her days accordingly. The other women in the office hadn't started their families yet but surprise surprise quite a few now are SAHMs (all professionals). a few have gone back to work or started their own business though.

Please don't make assumptions on my behalf.

Drbint I agree OP should actually stand up for herself and say yes she'd like to take holiday in August and at Christmas.

say there are 8 women with children there - I'm sure there could be a rota where it is split equally so everyone takes time off at August/Christmas etc.

if this doesn't work longterm I'd consider leaving.

Panda give it a rest.

TiredStressed not making assumptions on your behalf AT ALL but you seem to lack empathy where someone has obviously had the straw that broke the camel's back syndrome.

Maybe you're like OP's colleagues eh??

If you work and have DC fine (yes used to commute with someone who had the rush to nursery every morning and pick up too and got fined) but you have to ensure you arrange your working life accordingly. why should non mothers pick up the slack?

I am presuming they are all women then. Why are you not berating their partners/fathers of their children for not stepping up and providing more support?

Because the OP doesn't work with the fathers. The fathers aren't the ones unable to manage their workloads properly. And the fathers aren't the ones writing bitchy, unprofessional emails.

OP please don't listen to panda and the others who say YABU. You are NOT.

Yes, having kids and arranging your life around them is a struggle.

Yes, they get ill sometimes and need to be taken care of.

But that does NOT give your colleagues the right to massively take the piss and expect you to pick up their slack day in day out. The sneery attitude of the email you were copied into is disgusting. How dare they speak about you like that?! Your time is just as precious as theirs, it is NOT your job to run around after them, picking up their work, and negatively impact your own working and social life because little Dave has a cough.

I've never thought it was fair parents are often given this preference (and I've always been a full time working parent, in fact the principal earner although we both work full time).

The only solace is that if you are reliable and always there you do tend at the end of the day to get promotions (although you don't work on Wednesdays - is that because you are part time?)

Why are you being so aggressive? I agree with the complaint but consider that it would be more appropriate not to make comments like that. How do you jump from that to deciding that I act like her colleagues. Please stop trying to pick a fight. I am not interested.

I know everyone is entitled to ask for flexible work, but does "flexible work" mean "doing less work while expecting the same pay and expecting colleagues to take up the slack for nothing?"

It sometimes feels like it does.

I have 4 DCs and I would be raging if I was the OP. Flexibility in the workplace is appropriate for ALL employees, as a WOH parent with 4 DCs I am forever grateful that my job allows for that. If I was referenced on an email, including my line manager, that openly talked about leaving the same person without that option knowingly and moreover suggesting issues with my work without basis I would be building a case for constructive dismissal!

I understand you're being frustrated but I don't think it's right to bang on about choosing to be a parent and keeping their legs crossed.

Being a parent often isn't a choice (I believe quite a high percentages of pregnancies are not planned) and in any case we do actually need the next generation.

Now in your case they may well be utterly taking the piss, but even so, working parents do need support to cover sickness and many firms help out with flexible working etc too if they want to attract and retain decent staff who after all will not have young children forever. But the point is it shouldn't all end up on you and they certainly shouldn't get away with bullying behaviour, so you do need to report it and I hope you get it sorted.

I think YANBU. I used to be a union rep and child sickness was not a valid reason for taking a sick day. My work, at least, allowed the parent to take emergency leave (at manager's discretion), only if absolutely no other childcare options were available (serious illness or emergencies were different of course). I would definitely seek union advice on the email.

It isn't discrimination because it isn't based on a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010 but it is rude of the colleagues and bad management.

Its also within the op's power to manage s lot if it herself. Just do her own work in her own hours and wait for her lazy colleagues to be called on it.