to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

The OP has had 'no attitude' on here.
we must be reading different OP's then.
or perhaps we have different opinions! I'm reading plenty of attitude.

"no-one has forced them to have children."
"It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children."
"Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family."

Sorry but this sounds like someone with an embittered attitude to me.

"Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family."

Sorry but this sounds like someone with an embittered attitude to me.

It's true!

Panda. She is describing what the people she works with actually do.

It's difficult as it sounds as though the manager is fully aware of what is gong on and doesn't care. Your colleagues appear to be lying on their time sheets and using you. There appears to be no fairness at all. Either make sure you keep exactly to your contracted hours and so have the moral high ground, or ask for cover in return for any favours, or find a new job.

Bollocks, posted by accident. You can't use sick leave when you aren't sick yourself. It's a disciplinary offence in most companies.

I can't imagine why else you'd think it's ok for someone to cover others work when they're skiving off.
Its for the employer to decide! Maybe the employer is happy to support their staff with children and finds them to be hard valuable workers?

Well, Panda, not surprising she's feeling a bit bitter just now. OP, as I said, it won't help if you make your bitterness too clear at the office, they'll just be able to dismiss your complaint. Be constructive and make it clear this is an shared office-wide problem, not an attack on any individuals. (Yes, fake it.) But and please don't hold this against us working parents, we're not usually selfish and rude...

Furious on your behalf , OP. I am childless and have had similar through my entire working career. It's like being punished for being infertile (double punishment) and I'd feel the same if I was childless by choice.
In fact it's one of the reasons why I just quit my job. It was the first time I ever snapped, and I said 'just because I can't/don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have a life'. I have family, I have pets, I have DP, shouldn't have to justify.
I would honestly look for a new job.. as I am right now.. it's not easy.. I have no money coming in (can't claim benefits as I quit) but after nearly 3 decades of feeling used (in many jobs) this was the last straw

Its for the employer to decide! Maybe the employer is happy to support their staff with children and finds them to be hard valuable workers?

It's totally unreasonable to expect someone to constantly be having to do extra work to cover another colleague.

If you are contracted to work a certain number of hours etc etc then you should be expected to do that regardless of your personal situation.

Emergency family/carers leave exists to acknowledge that carers cannot always plan leave and if parents have long-term flexibility needs then they need to raise that with their boss or whoever, NOT expect others to cover for them long term.

It sounds like very poor management.
I'm raging for you OP.

Sick days are surely just for the employee? I am allowed time off when my DD is ill, but it's unpaid.

Maybe they aren't using sick leave (how would the OP know the details of this anyway?) but using parental leave or holiday leave?

My employer is absolutely OK for me to take paid leave when my DC are ill. It's fantastic. Many employers are like this.

I would hate for anyone to think I get certain privileges because I have children.

That's not a sick day.

Submit a Subject Access Request also.

The gov website says this:

"All employees have the legal right to request flexible working - not just parents and carers."

www.gov.uk/flexible-working/overview

Even if it is annual leave, I can't just decide to annual leave on the same day, I have to book it weeks in advance get it approved - for the others, we get a call at 8:30 saying "oh, little johnny has a cough I won't be coming in today" and of course we all have to cover for that without any notice. I'm pretty sure they aren't using their leave though (they seem to have enough left over to block book the whole of August and Christmas every year).

Don't cover for them, you aren't the father of their children so you shouldn't be expected to care when a problem arises

Please please please stop doing it. Take advantage of your contract that allows you to leave at 3.30pm. Make them manage their own lives instead of expecting you to pick up the slack.

it is probably not professional but i would reply to all and let them know what they have done . Let them feel embarrassed and rightfully so !

i would reply ''I have plenty to do thank you''

i have a child and i would never use my colleagues in this way or talk about them like that. They don't sound very nice and they are probably secretly seething with jealousy that your social life does not revolve around the school run and brownies !!

You can't leave young children sick at home alone without getting arrested or having the children taken into care - if you are parents you have to look after them when they are sick.

What is difficult to understand about that?

bemorepanda you don't understand the legislation. Anyone can request flexible working, not just parents. Employers have a legal duty to consider all applications. And they can only be turned down for business reasons, not because the boss has decided that one employee is more deserving than another based on whatever arbitrary criteria they have chosen.

Employers have a legal obligation to consider flexible working and parental leave for parents - people who aren't parents don't have these same rights

Obviously only parents need parental leave, but any employee has the right to request flexible working, and the employer must consider it, but don't have to agree with it, if there are business reasons to refuse. Makes no difference whether you're a parent or carer, because it's about whether it fits with the business.

OP, parents and carers are more likely to need leave at short notice, but that doesn't in the slightest excuse them for treating you like they have, and talking about you as they have. I don't have children, but I'm working from home today, to sort out some car problems. I've needed leave at short notice for other reasons in the past - parent in hospital, emergency plumbing problems at home, things lke that. I've booked Christmas off, not because I have my own children, but because I'll be visiting extended family in another part of the country. I am clear that while I will work late/out of hours when required, I am more likely to agree to it on days I don't have evening classes - not that everyone knows they are evening classes, just that I have other commitments on a couple of evenings. I will cover other people's work when required (including 24x7 on-call,) but my colleagues know I am not the default option, and I'd be furious if I found out they thought so.

Working flexibly to fit in caring responsibilities is not the issue, and I don't think you'd get far complaining on those grounds. But you also have every right to a life outside work, and taking you for granted and talking about you as a second-class citizen with no rights just because you're not a parent, that is something that should be looked at.

BeMorePanda, I think you have said enough and shown that you really don't understand the situation.

I think yabu and don't actually understand the struggles of having children. But agreed that email was out of order. If I were you i would just work when you want and say no to starting early or finishing late because of others. At the end of the day it is your choice to cover for people.
I think yabu about the whole sick day thing. I am a lone parent who works part time in an office. A couple of weeks ago my LG was throwing up in the morning- her nursery obviously would not allow her in there, I have no other childcare. What should I have done?! It's taken as flexi leave so I'm not sure why people judge against this as if we're taking the piss?!
Tbh I bet your collegues do take it out of flexi or unpaid etc, and I'm sure you are just as entitled to do so but chose not to because you don't need?