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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

626 replies

chicdiana1980 · 02/11/2016 14:21

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:
moreslackthanslick · 07/11/2016 17:23

Elphaba

"And children at the Christmas night out shockshockshock That's pretty much my only child-free night out a year! What kind of fecking weirdos do you work with?!"

Guardians of the future generation. 😂😂😂😂

HeyOverHere · 07/11/2016 17:34

Its for the employer to decide! Maybe the employer is happy to support their staff with children and finds them to be hard valuable workers?

How hard and valuable can they be when they're falsifying timesheets, scheming to make another worker stay late so they can leave early, doing so on a regular basis, leaving other people to do their work, and lying about it all?

ElphabaTheGreen · 07/11/2016 17:35

ThatGingerOne Yes, I know - the illness was just one example of the things you don't/can't predict when you 'choose' children. More along the lines of the OP's objections, it is also a bit of a shock when you find out how restrictive paid childcare hours actually can be. When pg, I thought 7:30am-6pm sounded ample. Now that I'm wrestling with two separate drop-offs (one in nursery, one in school) plus a DH who may be working away next year, I'm at a slight loss as to how I'm going to fit into those hours and still work my hours. Taking the piss out of my employers and colleagues doesn't feature as one of my 'solutions', however.

ThatGingerOne · 07/11/2016 18:22

Elphaba Fair enough. Its just weird to think people will take on jobs if they know they cannot do the hours (obviously unknown emergencies like illness not included). I would never dream of getting a job I was unable to do the hours for and would expect to be fired whatever reason I gave for leaving early/arriving late routinely. It seems strange to me that these people with children think they can have it their own way with no consequences Hmm Poor OP though eh? Hope she can get it all sorted out.

Original poster
chicdiana1980 · 07/11/2016 19:55

The Christmas meal is this weekend - we have to have it early as otherwise there are too many kid's parties and it could not be arranged any later or people could not come. I have paid the deposit now so I don't really want to lose out on that.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 07/11/2016 20:05

chicdiana1980

Given the unpaid childcare that you are doing and the hit that you would take on the cost of the meal, I would just not go.

Thinkingblonde · 07/11/2016 20:09

Still go to the meal but just pay for your own meal. I'd let them know in advance if you do though. Is it too late to take a plus one?

Andylion · 07/11/2016 20:13

Still go to the meal but just pay for your own meal. I'd let them know in advance if you do though. Is it too late to take a plus one?

I agree.
OP, this is insane. Don't let them take advantage of you anymore.

StealthPolarBear · 07/11/2016 20:26

The Christmas meal is this weekend? ???

HelenaDove · 07/11/2016 20:28

So on top of everything else the early timing of the Xmas meal is to suit their timetable as well.

Mind Blown!!!!!!!!!!!!

BaDumShh · 07/11/2016 20:37

OP don't you DARE pay for their kids meals! At the end of the meal just calmly say "as I just had the soup, salmon and a glass of wine I'll just be chipping in xx amount." And put your money down. Leave it at that,don't enter into a discussion about it.

What happened at work today? Did you speak to management?

ElphabaTheGreen · 07/11/2016 20:47

... otherwise there are too many kid's parties and it could not be arranged any later or people could not come.

Do you work entirely with single mothers, with no friends, no access to paid babysitters and whose immediate families are entirely deceased or living abroad? I really cannot believe the fucking brass necks. Rearranging a work Christmas do to early November to accommodate children's parties...I mean...what the actual fuck.

I wouldn't cry if the date was arranged such that many of them and their probably equally entitled spawn couldn't make it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/11/2016 20:57

I wonder how many of these parties are at 15:30 midweek.

PurpleDaisies · 07/11/2016 21:03

The Christmas meal is this weekend - we have to have it early as otherwise there are too many kid's parties and it could not be arranged any later or people could not come. I have paid the deposit now so I don't really want to lose out on that.

Seriously? Are there partners going as well? I've never heard of a Christmas party like it.

AlexaTwoAtT · 07/11/2016 21:46

Ridiculous.

icy121 · 07/11/2016 22:22

chic will you enjoy yourself though? If you're going to go and feel resentful and frustrated write the deposit off. Better that then pay MORE for the pleasure of a shit afternoon.

The Pp saying take a photo of the timesheet/office ghost town is brilliant. Do that every day.

Have you taken advice yet? How were they with you today?

Original poster
chicdiana1980 · 07/11/2016 22:29

I generally don't really enjoy the Christmas do, but it's the one thing everyone's expected to go to and if you don't go you get the cold shoulder. It does tend to be the only time I go out for most of the year too so I try to force myself to take the opportunity.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 07/11/2016 22:32

It sounds like you're getting the cold shoulder anyway-I'm not sure you've got a lot to lose.

Is it just your colleagues and their children?

StealthPolarBear · 08/11/2016 05:54

Op what are you going to do? Did you stay late yesterday?

HelenaDove · 08/11/2016 14:48

i hope you havent been getting any more of their shitty emotional blackmail.

AuntJane · 08/11/2016 15:46

OP, if you do go to the Christmas dinner, mention beforehand that you have another commitment and may have to leave early. Then, as the meal is coming to an end, say "I'm sorry, I have to go - but this covers my meal and tip" and put down the money for what YOU have eaten and drunk, plus tip, less any deposit paid. Then GO!!!!

I love what someone else has commented that - as your colleagues often say, they have responsibility for children and you don't, and that extends to paying for the children's meals too.

AuntJane · 08/11/2016 15:56

Just an observation - I wonder what would happen if OP warned her colleagues that she needs to leave at 15:30 on Tuesday "because that's the only time my solicitor can see me"?

icy121 · 09/11/2016 21:32

Chic are you still about?

whoopsadaisy5 · 10/11/2016 00:35

"Iklelis83

I'm confused, if u don't have children why r u on MUMSNET?"

Because I would love to be a mum. I didn't realise I couldn't post on this forum because I haven't managed to become pregnant in the last 5+ years that I have been trying. Really insensitive comment from you. From mumsnet I've been able to hear of many others in the same position and it's been really helpful.

Op - I really feel for you. It isn't in your job description to pick up the slack from others. I hope you get your hours clarified from the bosses above. You shouldn't need to go over and above your role.

HelenaDove · 11/11/2016 20:49

Are you still going to their stupidly early Christmas party tomorrow OP?

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