to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

Seems that the root cause of this is lack of affordable reliable childcare in this country. But at the same time, some of the childcare which does exist doesn't let a child anywhere near it if they so much as sneeze. What is a parent supposed to do. No wonder so many women ending up dropping out of the workplace.

Though that doesn't mean the OP's colleagues aren't horrible and entitled of course.

I would 100% be calling a meeting with your line manager, with HR as well, asking for them to explain their reasons for participating, to explain themselves etc.

OP are you actually part time, or do you work flexitime too and use your spare hours to have Wednesdays off?

What are working parents meant to do with their children if the children are ill?

Not sure why people are going so batshit crazy at panda. Am in agreement with you.
I constantly feel discriminated against for having a child! Let alone being a lone parent. Sometimes I don't have any back up childcare I do apologise but no I am not going to miss parents evenings I am not going to leave my young child home alone being sick just to keep my workplace happy. No I don't have back up childcare in an emergency because there is nobody!!!
People need to be more understanding on each other and stop focusing on each others work and focus on your own. Before my child I always worked early/late because I could. If you're not happy with always working late and doing the early shifts speak to your manager about that! Nobody is forcing you to be there.

I think the email is shocking and your colleagues are taking the piss. I have kids and like everyone else have had to take leave short notice. I also leave early and work part time. But I'm judged on my output not my time in the office, so if I have to take a days unexpected leave I still have to meet my responsibilities. In my experience part time working parents usually do more work than the are paid for, not less. The job I do part time was previously full time and the content of the job didn't change when I took it on.

However the comments about tiny violins and keeping your legs crossed are unpleasant and I can't help but think you are trying to provoke a reaction here.....

You need to work in a family friendly environment if you have children. Some companies and jobs are far more family friendly than others.

Still catching up but is Panda the OP's manager? Sure sounds like it ... goady and rude

OP, from what I can see YANBU. Do they know you have now seen the email?

Macoroni22 Welcome to MN...

My previous comments were uncalled for and I apologise about that, I am just feeling really fed up at the moment.

And I do work full time but Saturdays instead of Wednesdays as the office is open Mon-Sat.

Macoroni22 Are you trying to find back up care? The issues are not going to go away. You say you are sorry, but it doesn't seem like you are doing anything about the situation.

Of course no one expects you to leave a sick child alone at home, but if it happens time and time again you will annoy your colleagues, both those with children and those without.

I am the only one in my team who doesn't have children and I would be furious if I was treated like that. I have always willingly covered for them as they have never taken the piss, however if they did I would be doing my own work and none of theirs. I would also be looking for a new job pretty quickly!

The fathers aren't the ones unable to manage their workloads properly. No they are the ones leaving looking after their children plus managing their workloads up to their partners/mothers of their children. Conveniently.

Btw I think the e-mail sucks and is unprofessional and unacceptable. I also don't think the misogyny shown by the OP is particularly acceptable.

I don't think you are being unreasonable and they sound like really nasty people to be doing that behind your back and I would do as others suggested and forward the email
To your personal email and print and give to your boss (someone higher than your manager?) and also contact ucas as that's disgusting behaviour.

However, with regards to the sick days....NOT the leaving early/getting in late....I do think you are being unreasonable. It's hard when your child is ill, childcare providers won't take them and if you have no one else able to look after them what are you supposed to do? You are, as someone with a dependant legally allowed to take time off is said dependant is ill. Only a certain amount and then you must take annual leave or parental leave to look after your sick dependant.
Unfortunate this is just something you have to put up with working with people who have children....but this does not mean they have the right to take the piss.

Also it does come across as you are tarring all parents with the same brush.
I work part time, 2.5 days a week and every other Saturday. I also have to cover my job shares holiday as she does mine. I am the only person in my office who has young children.
My DC is taken to school by my parents (who also both work full time but are able to make this arrangement) and is picked up by an after school childcare club which costs me a small fortune. So not everyone with children takes the piss with people who don't have them.

I also think your comment regarding keeping their legs closed is actually quite mean, I understand you are pissed off at them and quite rightly so but you're lowering yourself to their level with remarks like that.

I also don't think the misogyny shown by the OP is particularly acceptable.

Which they have actually apologised for.

**acas

You are absolutely not unreasonable and I agree completely with you.

Take it further.

Yanbu.

On the basis that if everyone is employed for the same number of hours with the same job role then everyone should be contributing equally.

Yes it's hard with kids etc, I know, I've worked all DS life and I'm a LP. But I don't expect my colleagues to pick up the slack for me. Not that my job would offer flxi because iys just not combat able!

stop focusing on each others work and focus on your own
Well the OP can't as she is constantly covering for all the piss-taking women in her office!
They are actually sending emails round arranging to all leave early (whether they need to or not) and expecting the OP to just carry on, over her hours, covering their skiving arses, and then discussing that she basically has no life so she can just get on with it!
What part of any of that is OK????
NONE OF IT!!!!

My colleagues didn't have a gun put to their head to have children - if 'the struggles' (tiny violin) are so bad then they could have just kept their legs crossed.

You had quite a lot of my sympathy until you posted this.

Yes, your colleagues are treating you badly, being horribly rude and probably taking the piss with their work ethic. That's bad, and I say this as a working parent.

But your mindset probably shows and it won't help your cause to come across in this way when trying to address the problem.

pointy the OP has apologised.

RightsofWomen - what back up plan do you suggest single parents should have when their children are ill?

I'm genuinely interested. Maybe I've been doing something wrong for the last 4 years!?!

The op doesn't have an attitude! She has a legitimate grievance.
I think she has both.

I feel like there are two separate issues here-
Without a doubt the email was extremely rude and I would be raging if I was you OP. Also, of course you shouldn't have to constantly cover for colleagues with children who take the piss. Definitely take this up with your manager.
However, I do think some of your comments towards parents have been rude and unnecessarily harsh. Having children is hardly a luxury life choice: just a normal thing that lots of people do, and fairly essential for the propagation of the species.
And in all honesty, until I had children, I didn't understand how tricky it can be to balance work and home. I'm not suggesting it's ok for people to leave work early etc etc, just that I now recognise that sometimes you find yourself in impossible situations as a parent. And I would personally always put my family before work in an emergency.

pointythings like I said before can you blame OP if the attitude (which she knew about even before this nasty email) she's shown here has affected her mindset.

you'd be pissed off too. they can't even arrange a rota so she can also have time off at August and Christmas. I suppose it's fine if THEY get time to spend with THEIR families then and fuck the OP's plans and family plans at christmas.