to feel discriminated against at work for not having children???

[chicdiana1980]

I was accidentally copied into an email at work yesterday and I am really thinking about going to some kind of tribunal about this. I was feeling p*ssed off already but this is the tip of the iceburg!

to give you a background, I work for a fairly small company, office based. Pretty much everyone else in the office has children, and they are mostly young children. I don't have any children, and I am happy with this, but I feel like I get the brunt of it at work.

It seems like noone ever questions people when they take extra time off if they just say it's because of their children. Mostly it's leaving early pretty much every day to pick up children from school. Others who don't do this have 'parents evenings' or school plays or things, or get in late after the 'school run,' always laughing about how it's so stressful and that's I'm lucky. Sick days when the children are sick - how is this fair? Sick days are for the employee, not for employee and any family.

There has to be cover for the whole day, so it is usually me who ends up having to stay until the end, or get in early, so that someone is there. I regularly have to stay late as the colleagues who fly off at 3:30 to school leaves work that needs to be done. They say that they make it up in the mornings or at other times, but it's really no help.

Anyway, this has been going on for years now and I got to the stage where I thought I would just have to accept it as one of those things. But I was copied into an email (accidentally) which was obviously a round robin which had been going around my colleagues and the last person sent it to the entire office, not just their 'select group' (the select group being pretty much everyone but me). They were talking about who was going to be leaving early - and essentially they all were, leaving someone to say 'so who's gonna cover until the end ;),' and the last person said 'guess who. it's not like she has anything else to do anyway!'

I am seriously furious about this. I don't work Wednesdays but I am seriously considering going straight to ACAS or someone (our office is so small there is no real HR department) to make a complaint about this. I have been in tears for most of the morning - but before I do anything, would it be unreasonable to do this?

Yanbu

Those who think it's ok for full time employees to get paid for full time hours while working part time are exactly the problem here!

Flexible working is great. But it shouldn't negatively impact others. And if the other staff aren't even working their contracted hours that's appalling. If they can't do full time hours they should take the pay cut to go down to the hours they can do.

Nah OP, fuck that for a game of soldiers- I have 2 kids and I would be raging on your behalf!

If the manager is complicit in this secret email business thats even worse- you have nothing better to do anyway? Like the only people who have lives are ones with kids?

I would take a copy of the mail- go as high as you can with this and make fucking fire rain on them.

Whats it like at Christmas? DO you have to cover the shitty shifts because of them?

I think you have said enough and shown that you really don't understand the situation.

YOU asked AIBU? That means you asked ME AIBU? And I have answered you with my opinion. Why ask AIBU if you don't want anyone disagreeing with you?

Next time post elsewhere - don't freak out when you ask AIBU and not every single person agrees with you.

Macoroni22

Why should people w/o children accommodate those who do? It is up to you to have things in place for the 'struggles of having children'. Children get ill, you have to have a back up plan. Children have long school holidays, they finish school before the end of the office working day, they have assemblies etc in the middle of the morning, or sports days that get changed at short notice. Too bad. As I said there is emergency leave for the events you cannot plan for. And should you find you simply cannot mange either short or long term, you need to change things.

If employees are taking it as flexi time or unpaid then that's fine, but then the management needs to step up and arrange cover, not have some of the parents waltz off saying "oh well she has nothing better to do".

i think yabu and don't understand the struggles of having children.

Why should she understand? She doesn't have them and is happy that way. If people have kids it's up to them to ensure they can look after them properly without expecting others to pick up the slack.

*You can't leave young children sick at home alone without getting arrested or having the children taken into care - if you are parents you have to look after them when they are sick.

What is difficult to understand about that?*

Nothing. What's difficult to understand is why the parents the OP has helped out by covering are, instead of being grateful, bitching behind her back and mocking her for having 'nothing to do'.

I would raise it in writing to my manager by forwarding the email thread, yes the one with her included, and raise all the points that I took exception to.

I would then copy her manager in on my response.

This is bloody outrageous. I have had two children and worked in an office with flexi time. I did my shifts I took my turn at all the early starts and late finishes and managed my child care around my work, not the other way round. I would finish the email up with a suggested rota for covering early starts and late finishes then work to rule.

I would also suggest a review of the flexi sheets.

Next time post elsewhere - don't freak out when you ask AIBU and not every single person agrees with you.

Next time prehaps panda you should make sure you are correct when talking about legal obligations.

I've worked at many places over the years and apart from the occasional problem with needing to take a kid to doctors or etc, never seen parents take the piss like they seem to be doing at yours OP. What kind of work do you do?

Please think about submitting a subject access request in order to retrieve any other emails where you are mentioned. Gather your evidence.

Take a couple of 'sick' days, and use the time to search for a new job.

This is down to poor management practices essentially. Being supportive and flexible to working parents doesn't mean the same thing as allowing them to take the piss. Most of us will have worked with people who do that whether they are parents or not, so we all know what it's like to be taken advantage of and as for the sneering too, that's just nasty. TBH I'd be inclined to start looking for a new job as I think it's never going to improve where you are, the attitude sounds too entrenched.

Panda Stop being deliberately goady.

Firstly I think that email was completely out of line and I think you should speak to your manager or their manager about it and by all means put in a grievance.

Maybe you are being discriminated against but I don't see it as illegal discrimination under the 7 protected characteristics (sex, race, age etc). It will cost you £1000 to take your case to tribunal so think very carefully before going down this route and be very sure of your legal case first.

Lastly I think you and some others on this thread need to be a bit more empathetic. Prior to having children I am ashamed to say that I thought parents should have a back up plan if their child was ill etc, and now as a mother I can see how completely stupid this thought was. I'm a single Mum, with no family support and I work full time. When DS is ill I don't have anyone he can go to. I have to stay with him.

What back up plans do people think I should have in place? No childcare establishment will take a sick child, plus when that child is ill (and young) they need you.

The op doesn't have an attitude! She has a legitimate grievance.

What they did was shit and definitely worth taking up with a manager because they're clearly arranging to take time off and using their kids as an excuse. They are shit colleague. Yanbu to be seriously pissed off or to feel like they've took advantage of you... but you've not been discriminated against because being child free is not a protected characteristic. The other staff could be up for misconduct tho so definitely land them in it.

If I were you I'd only do your job and cover for no one. You have email evidence to suggest they take advantage of you and that would be enough to cover your back if you refuse to cover.

Ava's etc won't be of any help In What is essentially an office politics and bullshit games scenario but you do need to speak with your boss or even their boss if they're complicit in this behaviour.

Although I'd never advocate it ;) a sickie wouldn't be the worst idea. As a parent myself I have to arrange appropriate childcare for foreseeable situations. That's not like sickness etc where it's unforseeable but picking up from school etc is no excuse for leaving early.

Thinking that Panda obviously takes the piss where she works. Exactly why you need to stand up for yourself; because of attitudes like that.

Having said that it seems there are plenty of parents here who agree with you!

That says it all really, doesn't it?

could you suddenly invent a sick mother or father or something and leave early too?

completely shitty attitude of them

*acas

Chic, I have two dc & I'd be furious in your position!!

You shouldn't be punished for their shit organisational skills! Why should you?

Definitely take this further. I absolutely would & would encourage any of my colleagues who were having the piss extracted, to do the same!!

And FWIW I don't think the op has an attitude either!!