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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed that 'save the date' doesn't mean wedding invite

242 replies

Corialanusburt · 02/11/2016 09:20

We received a wedding save the date card several months ago for August. The bride is a relative of dp. We therefore factored wedding in to holiday planning, though we've not booked yet. I also bought a lovely dress.

MIL has now been told that our invite won't be for the service or the reception but for the evening disco. We'd need to do an hour and a half's drive to get there.

I have no problem with receiving an evening invite, but I am annoyed at having received a save the date card which led me to plan for a full wedding.

So what is the etiquette for this? Should they have specified on the save the date card what we were invited to?

OP posts:
Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/11/2016 11:02

Cobblers to that. I wouldn't attend just for the disco.

LyndaNotLinda · 02/11/2016 11:04

LRD Shock that really is the height of narcissism!

OP - that is very poor etiquette from the B&G - you should only send STD cards to people who are going to be invited to the whole day, not to the evening do.

Politely decline and go somewhere lovely in your new frock

user1471950254 · 02/11/2016 11:16

Personally we only sent STD cards to those we were definitely providing a day invite to which I thought was the norm! We had a few people where H2B was unsure whether he would give them a day or evening invite so we did not send them a STD as the decision would not be made until closer to the time. Our STD cards were sent over a year in advance as we were getting married on a weekend often used for weddings/holidays

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/11/2016 11:49

I've never had a "save the date" card (probably just as well!) and didn't send any - but I did phone, text, or email people I wanted to come to our wedding, because it only took 7 weeks to organise it and it wasn't a weekend date, so people had to be pre-warned before I had a chance to get the invitations done.

Only did it for people I wanted at the actual ceremony/meal though.

Pasithea · 02/11/2016 11:54

We got a save the date for my nephews wedding he even text me the details of where they where looking to get married and asked my advise. Then we got a Facebook message saying we where only invited to the evening do. Yeah hell no was I travelling 300 miles for that.

MadisonAvenue · 02/11/2016 11:56

We had a save the date from a friend last year, so we saved the date and my husband passed up the chance to go to a daytime event which he'd been looking forward to so that we could go to this wedding.
When the actual invite arrived, along with a crap give us cash poem, we'd just been invited to the evening.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/11/2016 11:57

Your nephew is a cheeky fecker Pasithea

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/11/2016 11:58

Yeah I had a STD email for just the evening do it turned out ,2hr drive awayHmm

We politely declinedSmile

Matchingbluesocks · 02/11/2016 12:00

What was the decorate the venue thread? I am worried it was ME. We all received STD emails for a wedding that barely happened, it was just an evening do. She expected family to decorate the venue whilst they were at the registry office (some did but I refused!)

But yes, STDs are for day guests only and fairly pointless unless the wedding is unusual (abroad, a week long)

Matchingbluesocks · 02/11/2016 12:01

Madison we didn't even get a poem. Just bank details with the STD Facebook invite Shock

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/11/2016 12:05

The decorate the venue was a request from a friend who didn't invite OP to wedding at all.

BarbarianMum · 02/11/2016 12:06

Speaking as someone who missed her best friend's wedding because it fell in the same week as a foreign holiday I'd already booked and paid for (and was going on with another friend so couldn't just ditch it entirely) , I like save the date cards. But only for people you are definitely going to invite.

viques · 02/11/2016 12:06

I think STDs are a very clever marketing tool by the wedding industry. They are an entry level drug for brides who then are lured into the addiction hell of extravagant hen dos , over the top demands made of bridesmaids ,table favours and the rest , before descending into mainline Bridezilla dependency .

Just Say No!

MrsMook · 02/11/2016 12:08

I would expect STD cards as an advance notification for people who would definitely be invited for the whole day, allowing them to make travel and accommodation plans in advance. DH's family live in another country, and we married in peak holiday season, so they were notified (but not by the cards) so they could book flights in good time. The invitations were sent later when final details were clear, but this could have been late for their travel arrangements.

Sending cards out, then only inviting for the evening, especially if that is impractical is just rude. It's also inaccurate as you don't need to save the whole of that date, hence adding to a reasonable assumption that it is the whole event.

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 02/11/2016 12:15

We sent out save the dates for our wedding, but only to close family and the friends who were in the wedding (bridesmaids etc) we both had a small group of people who we said we would not get married without so they got STDs (haha) but everyone else got a regular invite a couple of months before.

I would never have thought to send them to people not invited to the whole day, it wouldn't make sense, they don't need to save the day just an evening.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 02/11/2016 12:16

I hate this wedding wankery. Send me an invite, hopefully I can make it. Case closed. Save the date should just be for close friends and family who really need to be there on the day.

ginghamstarfish · 02/11/2016 12:33

Daft waste of time and money, and some card manufacturer is laughing his socks off! Agree if it's abroad etc perhaps notify friends and relatives as soon as you can, but an email or phone call would surely suffice.

loobyloo1234 · 02/11/2016 12:53

A dress already for next August Shock Surely you'll have other occasions to wear it?

STD card Grin sorry so immature

Have you ever met the bride OP? Just wondering, as if you haven't might have been able to guess you wouldn't be invited to the whole day I guess?

Mirandawest · 02/11/2016 13:08

I've received a save the date card for the evening reception but thought it was for the whole day until the invitation turned up. Was slightly annoying,

We sent out save the date cards for our wedding - was at the end of July and everyone was invited all day. Wanted people to know before they booked holidays so sent them in about October or November I think. And everyone who got a save the date card was invited to the wedding,

Hippychickster · 02/11/2016 17:18

I have never even heard of these, and then we got one today! Bizarre!

LetsAllEatCakes · 02/11/2016 17:46

We received save the date for the evening but they clearly state they are for the evening on them. They say save the evening for dancing drinking and bbq buffet. I thought it was a great idea because evening invites go out very close to the wedding and this date is a weekend in the holidays I now will save.

To get a normal save the date I would assume day time and it's rude to send those for evening guests.

louisejxxx · 02/11/2016 17:50

Can someone link me to the thread where someone was asked to decorate the venue Blush

FruJustFru · 02/11/2016 17:53

Just done louise. I hope you've got a few hours on your hands to read them all Grin

TheCatsMother99 · 02/11/2016 17:54

I've never heard of a save the date for just an evening invitation... surely that should be a 'dave the evening' card?

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