Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that 'save the date' doesn't mean wedding invite

242 replies

Corialanusburt · 02/11/2016 09:20

We received a wedding save the date card several months ago for August. The bride is a relative of dp. We therefore factored wedding in to holiday planning, though we've not booked yet. I also bought a lovely dress.

MIL has now been told that our invite won't be for the service or the reception but for the evening disco. We'd need to do an hour and a half's drive to get there.

I have no problem with receiving an evening invite, but I am annoyed at having received a save the date card which led me to plan for a full wedding.

So what is the etiquette for this? Should they have specified on the save the date card what we were invited to?

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/11/2016 18:03

I'd go to the theatre and book a seat at a lovely restaurant to give the dress an outing.

I'd possibly give the disco a miss. It is a bit pretentious to ask people to book their holidays to accommodate a disco.

paxillin · 02/11/2016 18:04

Go to the theatre followed by dinner in your new dress.

Fuck booking your holidays to accommodate a disco.

PedantPending · 02/11/2016 18:05

I think that save the date cards are just plain rude.
Call me a Luddite, but why not go back to the days when you sent a proper wedding invitation about 8 weeks before the actual date?

paxillin · 02/11/2016 18:05

sorry, thought the first one hadn't posted Grin

SheldonCRules · 02/11/2016 18:17

Hate STD cards, just send an invite. Waste of resources and senders full of self importance.

Just decline the evening do and save your holidays for something more important.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 02/11/2016 18:18

I think that save the date cards are just plain rude.
Completely agree|!!
Passive aggressive and entitled - since you are unlikely to have made plans for a specific day next August yet, it is like they are baggsying you and you might not even want to go! At least if you get an invite for a wedding 8 weeks before and you don't want to go you can claim to have already plans for that day. impossible to do if it is 12 months ahead...

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/11/2016 18:21

Am I the only one who gets an irresistible urge to plan something else if I get one of these? Grin

paxillin · 02/11/2016 18:30

Maybe I'll send save the date cards for my 47th birthday. It's more than a year still, but I wouldn't want some colleague from years ago or my second cousin miss a night out at the local boozer.

Yes, rude unless you are the sister of the bride and really really needed. I'd assume it's the whole day. I'd be itching to tell the bride and groom how pretentious it is.

BreconBeBuggered · 02/11/2016 18:37

I got one, and had already planned to be in away in a different part of the country until the day before, so was unlikely to make it. B & G were most put out that I declined the invitation; apparently they thought 'save the date' was an order.

blowmybarnacles · 02/11/2016 18:38

Odd thing to do.

MIL sounds quite close to the B&G knowing the guest list this far ahead- is this a close relation? Are you really peeved you aren't going to the full do?

PikachuSayBoo · 02/11/2016 18:41

Well why can't you send invitations out eight months before hand?

I think these std cards are just a way of making you spend more money on wedding crap. I didn't bother and just send the invites out months in advance so people go to enough notice.

MadisonAvenue · 02/11/2016 18:43

Matchingbluesocks I honestly couldn't do that, poem or not! We had an invitation to a wedding earlier in the year, for the whole day, and along with a poem was a link to the couple's Kuoni account so that contributions could be made to their honeymoon, I thought that was quite nice as they're only young and have saved and saved, firstly to buy a house and then for their wedding.
I didn't make a contribution to the request for "cash for something flash" for the save the date people I mentioned previously though, we just took a nice bottle of wine on the evening. Still no thank you and the wedding was 5 months ago.

Slightlyperturbed you're not alone Grin

YuckYuckEwwww · 02/11/2016 18:45

I think that save the date cards are just plain rude.
Call me a Luddite, but why not go back to the days when you sent a proper wedding invitation about 8 weeks before the actual date?

Huh?
There is absolutely no way I would be able to book leave with only 8 weeks notice! expecially in summer.

If someone didn't let me know the date sooner I'ld assume they weren't massively bothered whether I came or not, if they really would love me there they'ld let me know in advance

the invite is for specific directions and times
save the dates are not rude, whatever will MN come up with next?

JosephineMaynard · 02/11/2016 18:45

why not go back to the days when you sent a proper wedding invitation about 8 weeks before the actual date?

I can see how save the date cards would be useful in certain circumstances - e.g. Wedding is abroad or guests who live abroad are invited; Wedding is near the end of the holiday year and on a day guests may normally be working; Wedding is at a time of year when people often make plans far in advance.

But I agree that it's extremely rude to send someone a save the date card unless they're definitely going to be invited to the whole thing.

YuckYuckEwwww · 02/11/2016 18:47

Well why can't you send invitations out eight months before hand?

Because most people won't have exact details yet.. just.. y'know, date and maybe place… kinda like save the dates huh?

Invites need helpful details and food choices etc

cravingcake · 02/11/2016 18:53

I'm getting married in about 18 months time and have family who live abroad so I will be sending the main family members & special friends (half a dozen couples/families) a Save The Date with their Christmas card this year. Mainly as I think it is nice for them to feel a bit special at being invited and also to remind them to look up airfares when they become available. Everyone else hasaready had a text/email/phone call or have been told in person that we have booked our venue because I am very excited as it's been a long time being engaged

MadisonAvenue · 02/11/2016 19:08

Because most people won't have exact details yet.. just.. y'know, date and maybe place… kinda like save the dates huh?

Invites need helpful details and food choices etc

My cousin, who I class as very close family, gets married in September 2017 and her invitations went out in September this year.
Not that I got one...

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/11/2016 19:09

I suppose the thing is that if it's someone close (sibling, grandma, best friend etc) then the occasion would already be discussed with them and they would be keen to keep the day free to go. For everyone else it's not so essential anyway.

twinmamma2b · 02/11/2016 19:25

I'm of the opinion that STD cards are just another wedding money spinner. Once we worked out our day guest list, we told them the date/venue etc in person, by email, or by phone (how retro!). I went for the thought that if we're not close enough to the person to have their contact details, then why are we inviting them?

YuckYuckEwwww · 02/11/2016 19:30

STD cards I didn't check my guests that rigorously TBH Grin

FuckThatToOneSide · 02/11/2016 19:48

Haven't rtft (sorry) but wanted to say this happened to me a couple of years ago!

An old acquaintance got in touch out of the blue by phone to tell me I'd be getting a save the date for his wedding. He made such a fucking song and dance of asking me to go and went on about how important it was to him that I was there. I found it a bit odd actually, as I'd never considered us to be particularly close friends in the first place and we hadn't spoken to each other at all for years as he was working abroad.

I got the pretentious save the date by email and eventually the invite by post. Not only was the invite just for the evening, but it was addressed only to me, despite me having been married for years at this point. I was also 6 months pregnant at this point, couldn't drive and would have had to make my way across the country on my own to attend. Needless to say, I made my excuses and I have thought even less of the guy since. I'm still a little miffed about it if I'm honest.

Anyway, yanbu IMHO. I think it's quite rude of the couple to do this actually. Why would anyone want to 'save the date' for a disco an hour and a half's journey from home? I wouldn't in a month of Sundays. You'd need to be pretty self important to imagine anyone would.

TheNaze73 · 02/11/2016 20:01

Whilst I can see their benefit, I mean everyone is normally booked up 3-6 months in advance, to do it for an evening do, is really off.

Ilovenannyplum · 02/11/2016 20:05

I only sent save the dates to my day people. And I only sent them because we are getting married on the 28th December and I wanted to give people enough notice to not make plans for that day because I know Christmas gets v busy.

If it wasn't for the slightly awkward date, I wouldn't have bothered sending them

PikachuSayBoo · 02/11/2016 20:09

Well I didn't do food choices.

I knew the date, time and venue a year beforehand so just sent the invites out.

HillaryFTW · 02/11/2016 20:18

Pikachu

Not everyone will though

Agree Std cards are for the whole thing

Swipe left for the next trending thread