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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Be Upset That My Alledged Best Friend Has Invited My Ex-H Over For Sups?

369 replies

OhCallistoSolo · 01/11/2016 21:57

Looking for some perspective here as I really don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I haven't been invited by my best friend for supper (or anything else for that matter) since January. My ex-h has been invited twice that I know of, and the other couple we all see have been regular visitors. My best friend, with and without her husband, has been for sups with me countless times. Every time she comes over she tells me that she must invite me round for sups. Am I being over-sensitive to feel really upset that my ex-h gets and invite when I don't?

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 02/11/2016 08:57

we are posher than them - I always thought the true mark of the upper class was having the manners not to comment on class.....

Bluntness100 · 02/11/2016 09:04

I simply find the word "sups" a little childish. Sometimes people don't realise the way they come across.

I once went to another mums house for a kids birthday party , she introduced me to her husband and said " George, this is blunt, blunt is a working girl" . I couldn't believe it, the husband just grinned at me like he was trying not to laugh and cocked an eyebrow, as I looked at her aghast. She meant it nicely, as she was lovely, and also as I was pretty much the only mother who worked, but still where I come from she just introduced me a a prostitute. 😂

RestlessTraveller · 02/11/2016 09:13

I hope you lot are bringing your children up to behave better than this bullying behaviour.

Hoppinggreen · 02/11/2016 09:29

I'm bringing mine up to have a sense of humour about themselves and not look down on other people

RestlessTraveller · 02/11/2016 09:39

That's not what I see here. I see an op who has lost her temper after being rounded in by a bunch of bullies with a gang mentality.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/11/2016 09:44

sweet fucking JESUS

the allowed snobbery about terms on here boils my fucking piss

"AIBU to be upset that my Hubs raped me"
YABU for calling him hubs

OP, she is not your "best friend", in fact I don't even think she if your friend. she sounds like a mean mean bitch TBH

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/11/2016 09:46

RestlessTraveller

hear hear, there is a pack mentality that allows people to being massively cuntish sometimes

yeah because a term used on a website forum a word is so fucking important isn't it? so important that you can pile in and bully someone? shame!

RestlessTraveller · 02/11/2016 09:47

Exactly stopfuckingahoutingatme. Once one keyboard warrior does it they all pile in like sheep. I was bullied horrendously at school, it looked exactly like this.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/11/2016 09:55

I'm bringing mine up to have a sense of humour about themselves and not look down on other people

smug much? Poor OP is being ostracised and left out by a so called friend, she comes on here for support and gets fuck all support as everyone picks on her for a term she uses.
most people completely ignored her issue, and focussed on being scathing instead.

how the fuck is she supposed to " have sense of humour" about that?

not sure what she said but cannot blame her for lashing out.

MN at its fucking worst this thread

mygorgeousmilo · 02/11/2016 09:56

There was a whole thread about it being unkind to criticise people for the words they use. Hubby was the main one.... 'sups' did make me go but hey, the point is, the original OP and the question she asked. YANBU

DamePastel · 02/11/2016 09:58

I know. Poor OP. Terminology aside, the issue is potentially very upsetting.

LittlePaintBox · 02/11/2016 10:02

Poor OP is being ostracised and left out by a so called friend, she comes on here for support and gets fuck all support as everyone picks on her for a term she uses.
most people completely ignored her issue, and focussed on being scathing instead.

Picking on someone for their choice of words and ganging up on them is probably the most fun some of the people on here get in the average week.

But, y'know, using the word 'sups' is way more obnoxious than that.

Mrsemcgregor · 02/11/2016 10:03

I imagine you are long gone OP but wondering if she was your best friend prior to meeting your ex? If she is a friend of the marriage (so to speak) then I would be hurt but just let go. If she was your friend first I would be having words with her.

Re - "sups" I am a writer and love the English language and I find the little terms brought about by region and class just charming. If you want sups you have sups. I may adopt the word myself, and say it like I am Joanna fucking Lumley.

maddiemookins16mum · 02/11/2016 10:04

I wonder what the answers would be if this was the thread...

"My teenage DD came home from school really upset today, she made the fatal mistake of using a "family" word we use for our evening meal, not many people use it and it's a bit naff I suppose but totally inoffensive and we really only use it jokingly in our house. For hours she was subjected to taunting by the whole year, dozens of girls teased and mocked her for this one slip of the tongue. I've never known her so upset and she's usually pretty robust when it comes to teasing but I think this went further than teasing. It just seemed that once one girl had said it, it gaves the rest of the class oermission to join in".

CatThiefKeith · 02/11/2016 10:12

Amazing. Considering show many mumsnetters identify as middle class, and are obsessed with U and non U, who'd have thought so many would be ill mannered enough to be picking up the OP on the use of 'sups'

OP I think your friendship may have run its course. I'd try one last time, maybe invite the friends you have mentioned to supper at your house, (not your ex obviously) and if a reciprocal invite isn't forthcoming then it's time to step away I think.

MrsJayy · 02/11/2016 10:12

Saying sups just made the op post look childish of course her problem is real to her but saying 'sups' twice just sent the thread into meltdown maybe adults should say adult words and they won't be teased.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 02/11/2016 10:18

Maddie great post.

The sheep on here should be utterly ashamed of themselves. Such immature rudeness that I doubt any of them would tolerate if it were aimed at them or one of their family.

OP if you are still reading, pay no attention to these bitchy idiots.

The thing with your friend/exH is hurtful and in amongst the shitty responses, there is some good advice on here

Kokosjumping · 02/11/2016 10:24

Oh come off it, the op talks about "sink estates" but sure, she's a troll saint.

MrsGwyn · 02/11/2016 10:26

I'm so confused as to what supper/sups is, I'm not originally from uk can someone explain,

I used to think supper was another word for tea - the evening meal that happens between 4 and 8 - though I'd vaguely assume after 8 it would be dinner and a more formal affair - though can't say why and that is despite dinner being midday meal which can also be lunch to me.

Where IL reside supper is the forth meal of the day - not always eaten - can be as little as a piece of toast - but is commonly consumed just before bed and more often Friday and Saturday day after a night out at pub and is often takeaway though not always.

It's not uncommon to find regional differences in vocabulary and slightly different meaning for same words.

Sups new one on me though.

OP - I'd be upset to in the circumstances. I think first thing would be to tackle it with friend and see what response you get - otherwise it's accept she was never a good a friend as you though and put some distance between you and try and find a new social group if possible.

ArmySal · 02/11/2016 10:28

It was lighthearted teasing at first, which probably did go a little far.

The sink estate comment was the nastiest post though, I believe.

ScrubbedPine · 02/11/2016 10:28

I think some of the somewhat holier-than-thou posters who are piling on to shriek about bullying probably didn't witness how after only a few responses (most of which were either being amused by or mildly baffled by 'sups', as 'supper' for many people is a cup of tea and a biscuit at bedtime, which would change the context of the OP considerably), the OP made a particularly foul and foul-mouthed, classist statement based on a set of incredibly unpleasant underclass/regional stereotypes.

It was (rightly) deleted immediately, as were subsequent, comments that quoted it, but it limited people's sympathy for the OP, who defaulted pretty much immediately to privileged class prejudice sneering at those beneath her. Which to an extent rules out the possibility that she was innocently using a childish family word and being unfairly picked on.

ScrubbedPine · 02/11/2016 10:29

X-post with Koko.

LittlePaintBox · 02/11/2016 10:31

maybe adults should say adult words and they won't be teased

Ah yes, that great adult rule of life - bully tease anyone who doesn't look and sound exactly like you do. My apologies, I forget.

GinIsIn · 02/11/2016 10:31

What scrubbed and koko said.

TupsNSups · 02/11/2016 10:33

I think the worst thing on this thread was what the op said tbh.

Not everyone has heard the word 'Sups' I had never heard it before but even the word 'Supper' in the context of the op made no sense to me as Supper for me is a cup of tea and a biscuit or a bowl of cereal. I certainly wouldn't be having guests for 'Supper'.

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