To Be Upset That My Alledged Best Friend Has Invited My Ex-H Over For Sups?

[OhCallistoSolo]

Looking for some perspective here as I really don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I haven't been invited by my best friend for supper (or anything else for that matter) since January. My ex-h has been invited twice that I know of, and the other couple we all see have been regular visitors. My best friend, with and without her husband, has been for sups with me countless times. Every time she comes over she tells me that she must invite me round for sups. Am I being over-sensitive to feel really upset that my ex-h gets and invite when I don't?

And one never says "going to town". You'd say "visiting the City"

Are you sure? I thought going to London was going up to town. Even if you are from the North and it is in fact down.

Queenbean

I guess all of you offended people live on sink estates and would rather buy fags and special brew then feed your children?

Yes, we would all like to buy fags and special brew and then feed our children. Priorities = correct.

Or did you mean "than" instead of "then

This ^^ had me crying. Not sure why.

Thank you for the best laugh all morning.

I am trying to laugh quietly so I don't wake the kids. This is so funny. Though not for the op.

Op people pick sides during a divorce. It seems she has picked hers. Or perhaps the other couple have and she feels she has to invite him when they come rather than you.

On a side note I have read this and text a friend who is very posh and comes from a very wealthy family. I asked him 'do you know what sups is?'

I got back 'why do you ask such random questions early on a morning' that was followed up by 'not a fuck ingredients clue?, what is it?'.

I knew he would be up and if it's a 'posh word' he would know it.

God, grow up, people. Poor OP has an actual concern and it gets sidelined by a lot of stupid inverted snobbery.

Sounds to me as though she still wants to see/know him/keep him in the group but is not close enough to him to to visit him. So HE always gets asked round whereas YOU have been separated into the "person I visit" box. This might be subconscious.

Next time she indicates an intention to invite you over just say "I'd love to - I haven't been to yours since January, can you believe it?" Just try to push it until it happens again.

I have been the friend who tried to keep both sides close after a split and it does establish some strange group dynamics. Location of meetings is one of them. FWIW I now only see my friend of that couple, not the guy, who ended up going abroad.

My exDP used to say "drinkies" for an alcoholic drink. It made my teeth itch. In fairness he was neither posh nor common, he was foreign instead.

Op your second comment is really really nasty but I can imagine this is really upsetting. I think the pp who said that sometimes women lose their ability to be loyal friends when there's a single man about have sadly got it right. I experienced it myself when I divorced

How funny that the word sups has caused such a reaction. I guess all of you offended people live on sink estates and would rather buy fags and special brew then feed your children?

And yet you don't understand why she seems to like your ex better

I have consulted the Oracle of Posh (my mother) on use of the word 'sups'. She tutted and said "must be nouveau, Darling."

I have consulted the Oracle of Posh (my mother) on use of the word 'sups'. She tutted and said "must be nouveau, Darling." grin

Dying!

Am I in the minority because I love the different phrases and sayings from around the country? There is a lot of history in them. I love hearing all the different sayings people have for things.

In our house it's dinner if it's before 6, tea if it's after. Also we go 'up the village' but that is very local and getting rarer these days. We also ask where things are 'to' if we can't find them eg. 'where's the OP to?'

OP on your original problem, the friend may be feeling sorry for your exh or her dh might be friendly with them. She may have a genuine reason rather than just being a bit odd about it. You'll be best just asking her straight.

BeingATwat I also asked her if she knew what special brew was. She said "is that slang for a tisane, Darling?" I wasn't joking about the Oracle of Posh!

I have heard of 'kitchen sups' although never invited. It is a posh county practice, where people have huge farmhouse kitchens with Agas and massive tables. It is more informal than a dinner party in their huge dining rooms - these are people living in large farmhouses/country homes with land. There is a lot of them round where I live.

Anyway OP, I am sorry your thread got derailed, this sounds very hurtful. Sadly, in such circles, I suspect a 'spare man' is more highly valued at social occasions than a spare woman and I think it is as simple as that. It is no comment on you, apart from the fact your status as a divorced woman is lower than that of a divorced man. Which sucks.

My advice is to keep that friendship light and superficial and maybe be open to building up some good female friendships elsewhere. Good luck.

I'm so confused as to what supper/sups is, I'm not originally from uk can someone explain, from reading this thread Ive read it's a blowjob/candle lit fancy meal/snack/normal evening meal! Which is it? Or is it all of them combined into one fabulous "sups" ?

Ooooh, I've heard of Sups. Really rich family I nannied for (early 80's), had people round for sups around the kitchen table (usually fish pie I'd made and frozen for them a few days earlier, mum would leave me a note begging me). This was always midweek and they'd have posh cheese and Carrs water biscuits for afters. The remnants of Sups would be on the table the next morning. Including numerous bottles of red wine (with fish pie??).

That said, I get what you're saying Op, sorry it's making you feel so bad.

Is there maybe something going on in terms of her husband getting on with uour ex?

The way I see it, she is maintaining a relationship with both of uou. When she has people for dinner she invites him as she can't invite uou both and obviously not going to his. Then she comes to uou. This way she maintains a relationship with you both.

Maybe try to see it from her side too, these things can be a minefield.

SporkLife

Supper or 'sups' is a candle lit blow jobs with hors d'oeuvres and fine wine.

How funny that the word sups has caused such a reaction. I guess all of you offended people live on sink estates and would rather buy fags and special brew then feed your children?

I think it's pretty clear why you're not being invited OP. Perhaps your 'best friend' prefers someone with a sense of humour.

Tupping is a farming term, for when the ram is let in with the ewes. Tupping time here is the first week in November. Tam The Ram is very happy today.

Zippy I very nearly spat my proverbial tea out at that.

The 1st November should henceforth be known as Tam the Ram day.

Supper was my most disliked word ever.

Sups has beaten it.

we have recently moved and have been invited by one of our new (think they are posh) neighbours for a 'kitchen supper' which made us laugh as we decided we aren't posh enough for a 'dining room supper'

In actual fact we are posher than them, just don't ponce about and talk about it.

What the hell is sups???

Supper was my most disliked word ever.

Sups has beaten it.

Admit it, U2, either is better than 'picky tea'. In fact, rereading the OP with 'picky tea' substituted for 'sups' is curiously compelling, if less Jilly Cooper-ish. .

In actual fact we are posher than them

I cannot let this comment pass, I am all agog - in what way are you posher than them?

I'm sorry but what is a sink estate? Also I thought special brew was a nice tea ?