to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

You could ask DH to reply all to the email with
"Following on from this little debacle, we won't be sending gifts this year. We have decided to make a charitable donation instead. I'm sure you all understand how hurtful this was for Sham and we'll be figuring out how to put this behind us for a while"
Donate to Woolly Hugs!

Sham, I'm going to be honest here: I think you're making it far too big a deal. To yourself, I mean.

People talk about people all the time. MN wouldn't exist if they didn't.

Have you never talked about someone behind her back? Not once in your whole life?

Look, it was horrible of them. And it must have been awful to read. But all this they don't like me, they're all talking about me stuff is just madness and very over dramatic.

They can like you without liking your gifts! And perhaps you have come across as smug about them?

I just think you should vent on here or to friends, fantasise about shit presents, but don't make it bigger than it is.

I would be thrilled to receive handmade presents like that....thrilled to bits.

I really feel for you OP. They are ungrateful wretches and will be totally embarrassed about this (deservedly). However do not let this get to you. Rise above it. You have done nothing wrong. Give your wonderful gifts to people who genuinely appreciate them. Cheap chocs or bubble bath for people who don't (bought in the sale, no thought or effort required).

Charity donation as suggested above by Giddy an even better idea....no-one can complain about that!

Walter the OP said they requested these handmade gifts that they were making fun of. I think that's pretty shitty.

I would stop after the first sentence of Giddy's suggested message from the OP's DH, because I think the second sentence makes it sound as if he personally is not also annoyed, hurt or otherwise involved, and risks making the OP sound like a sulky child refusing to come out of the corner.

OP, what they want from you is to accept their apologies in some ridiculously self-deprecating way that makes it plain they weren't at fault, and weren't you a silly old thing to foist your home-made tat on unwilling relatives - that way, if you are ever anything other than cheerfully gushing in their presence again, they can complain that you are holding a grudge and need to get over yourself.

Presumably the SIL and MIL are now communicating in phone calls about it all in which you feature as the bad guy because you have (rightly) refrained from making MIL feel better about herself.

Oh that's so awful! Makes me wonder what they say about you for other things - nasty pieces of work. I couldn't accept their apologies I'm afraid - they'd have to grovel for a long, long time - so bloody rude - they wouldn't even get a card from now on.

I never said it wasn't shitty of them.

But it doesn't mean they don't like her!

Plus, it sounds like they expected OP to just make them rather than gift them which is selfish and greedy but again, it doesn't mean they can't stand her!

How rude of them. My sil knitted me a gorgeous scarf one Christmas which I love - it's absolutely my style and I appreciate her thoughtfulness and the time it took her. As for your next (and final) gift to the ungrateful ratbags, how are you at embroidery? I particularly like the first one www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/delicate-embroidered-collars-women_us_580fa7dbe4b08582f88c5793?

*Poundland photoframe and a print out of the emails in it. One each for SIL and MIL. Job done.

Same for every birthday and Christmas until you get bored. smile*

This suggestion from tibbywyrots had me chuckling. I do love an evil genius

I'd like to add, the blanket for MIL sounds gorgeous and I would love one as a gift!

I think dignified silence and a compete lack of effort from you in the future is the way forward.

I used to put loads of effort in with my MiL. The first Christmas I spent at their house I bought a couple of extra presents from me to her. She opened one and said 'I don't know what I'll do with that' and the other she turned to dh and said 'well, you'll have to take that back'. I was beyond stunned at her rudeness but have not put an ounce of effort into present buying since. I don't even remind dh to do it if he has forgotten.

Just leave your dh to it. If you buy a crappy gift set you'll only be unlucky and inadvertently get something she likes.

OP - how hurtful but if its any consolation they have publicly shown who and what they are. I suspect they need you to exonerate their behaviour, so they can say to others on the email list that it was a joke and all is forgiven.

I would withdraw contact for a while, let your DH deal with any arrangements and gifts. I'm sure they are hoping this will blow over quickly and certainly in time for next years holiday at your home near the sea.

Shamalamalam "MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better."

It's not your job to make her feel better.

Swirlingasong "...and the other she turned to dh and said 'well, you'll have to take that back." It's funny my mum did this a lot, it drove me mad! Even when she had tried stuff on in the shop!

I'm not surprised you're not fawning all over their apology. There are somethings you just can't take back. And let's face it. You only got the "apology because you accidentally received the email.

How awful! As others have pointed out, other people included erroneously on the email have also seen what a nasty pair they are.

With regards the apology (and your terrible sulking) I would just explain very carefully, as one has to do with young children, that if you break a window and then apologise for it, it does make it a bit better but the window remains broken.

I wish you were in my family, I would love your gifts! And how sweet of your kids to make cookies as presents.

They must be terribly bitter and overly materialistic. There are people in my family who could have done the same - they are always comparing everything and everyone in purely financial/materialistic terms. What a sad existence.

There is only one way forward here: hold your head up high, obviously don't spend any time getting them anything for Christmas, and just remain polite and cold at all times. If they care enough, they will make sure to give you a proper apology. It is entirely up to them to build bridges.

Sham, I'm going to be honest here: I think you're making it far too big a deal. To yourself, I mean

I have not RTWT, so apologies for that. but I kind of think you have decide how you want to handle this - and I agree with above

human being can often say nastier things for the fun of being spiteful, and unfortunately theer is somethinga bout the MIL/SIL dynamic (As evidenced by 10000000 postsh ere!).

what hey did was nasty, butt he simple fact is. had you not read that email- you would be heading for a pleasant xmas probably?

maybe you have some dislike bubbling for them too, and his has also allowed you to vent?

its so hurtful, and you have every right to want tow withdraw, but you do have choice about whether you make this into WW3, or be the bigger person and withdraw for a while , dignified silence

Why do people think the word "sorry" just cancels out bad behaviour as though saying that means you should just instantly forgive someone .

If she's genuinely sorry rather than just sorry she got caught bitching then she will give you some space not offend you yet again by making out you are sulking

stop I think sham has two problems. She can't unsee it.
MIL is offended that a quick sorry hasn't erased it all and is now making out sham is sulking.

You know what ? I ' d probably accept their apology graciously. You know , they really didn't mean it right ? And then up until Christmas , every time I saw them , I'd be busy crocheting them a special present , smiling sweetly at them , as I crocheted "Fuck your apology " in their favorite colours into the blanket .

Then let them react to that on Christmas Day . Bitches .

we live in a popular holiday area

Oh dear, so they've fucked themselves out of their nice free holiday every summer then, haven't they?

dont have them over for xmas why should u make an effort for people who ask for handmade gifts then slag them off

dont agree with just getting over it -they want to make themselves feel better by making u look bad that u wont respond with oh youre fine lets all have a group hug

I bet I know who'll be unwrapping a nice big lump of coal this year....

Glad DH is taking over the present buying, good man.

Coal's a great idea. I once made edible coal as a mid-December shot over the bows of squabbling siblings. Home made coal would be a satisfying double whammy!