to not be gushing and enthusiastic about their apologies?

[Shamalamalam]

MiL and SiL have upset me quite a lot. MiL (not heard from SiL) has apologies, I've said OK. I'm not sure what else they want from me, but apparently it looks like I'm sulking.

To give a bit of background, I'm quite crafty - I love sewing, knitting, etc, and in my own family we give each other lots of handmade gifts. I know not everyone appreciates homemade gifts, so I've always just kept this to my own family, unless people have directly commented or outright asked me for something

Anyway, on Friday MiL sent out a group email asking if we knew what our plans were for Christmas.

MiL and SiL then emailed each other throughout the day, but have obviously done the classic error of "reply all" instead of just replying to each other, so I (and DH and half a dozen other family members) get a whole load of emails calling me smug, hoping they wouldn't get one of my crappy homemade gifts again this year.

MiL has rung and apologised. She obviously feels bad, but I don't think it's up to me to make her feel better.

If they were children I'ld do the "smash a plate, now apologise to it, was the hurt undone" lesson

apologising doesn't mean it never happened, they're idiots, you can't just un-know what they think of you now

That's really nasty. Normally I would say that we all have a moan about others sometimes and it's horrible to be caught out. But not only has your MIL done that, she's now trying to turn the whole thing around and make herself the victim by accusing you of sulking. It's really not on. Give them a wide berth this Christmas and please don't let it spoil it for you and DC.

Oh that's fantastic Sham 342 at Pounland, I am rubbing my hands with glee . They are trying to turn it around to you, to make them feel better. No need to do anything, you have accepted her apology, btw, where is SIL's apology! But it does not stop your feelings towards them, its the classic, sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me! Words to hurt and they can cut deep, and take a while to move on.

To be honest, I don't really get what they want from me.

They probably want you to accept their apology. This way they can pretend that everything is forgiven and forgotten, don't have to feel bad about it ( we apologized and she accepted it )and continue being ignorant twwats without having to contemplate how terrible they actually are.

I highly doubt they're genuinely sorry, if they were they'd understand why you can't just forgive and forget.

Fuck taking the high road. Do what you want. Disclaimer: I have only read the first page.

wouldn't mind, but the only handmade stuff I've given them, they've asked* for. I made my own daughter a Waldorf doll a few years ago and SiL asked for one for her daughter, so I made one for her birthday, with a little suitcase of outfits to go with it. I've knitted a huge, super chunky, snuggly blanket, MiL asked if I'd knit her one for her birthday.

I know not everyone likes homemade stuff, so I don't foist it on everyone.

The kids like making sweets and cookies to give as gifts, they can just chuck them if they don't like them*

He's explained that I was hurt and that he thinks they were totally out of order. And yes, he'll be sorting cards and gifts in future

I would retype what you have written and sending in the group email or fb the way you have just stated.

Nasty bastards

I'm also of the opinion that an oxfam goat would be a fabulous present for dh to organise for them.

Alternatively, you could sponsor a toilet. Now that's a crappy present.

They were horrible. What could they do to make it up to you?

I think my approach would be, you wouldn't talk that way about someone you liked (or if you did & it came out, the grovelling would be epic). They don't have to like you, you're forgiving them for the stupidity of sharing the emails BUT you're not going to carry on the relationship as if you didn't know how they feel.

Yes. I can't unread it.

I now know what they think of me. I always thought we got on OK. We don't live near them so we see them at Christmas and birthdays, they come and stay with us (we live in a popular holiday area). We don't see them loads so we're not massively close, and there have been niggles but we all muck in for the sake of family harmony.

Or so I thought.

It makes you a bit paranoid too, we're they all bitching about me but MiL and SiL were the only 2 stupid enough to reply all? but there lies the way to madness

Ah, but the fun of the generic gift set is that it isn't actually a bad present, or even necessarily cheap, it just says "I put no thought or effort whatsoever into getting this!" But no-one could object to it really!

That's why I love my Boots sale bargain hand cream sets/Royal Jelly £1.33 bargains for ungrateful relatives (and they have the original 2 for 3 stickers on, so for double the fun you can still leave those on... ). Because it is a reasonable gift but I still only pay pennies for it, which is very satisfying. And even if said relatives send the sets the the charity shop, the charity shop is still a winner. Wins all round!

I'd send £5 generic hand cream sets as gifts

Haha! Yes, definitely do that. Or worse, just a box of maltesers. And I'd definitely not spend a single moment with them over Christmas. Ungrateful arseholes.

OP, they are envious of your creative talents, as someone else has said. They wouldn't have called you "smug", otherwise.

However, the bitchiness is thoroughly unpleasant. (Wonder how often they did this sort of thing, before...) I would want to let them stew, frankly. Don't make them feel better; they don't deserve it. As for Christmas, get them a bland, cheap Boots 3 for 2 something but don't spend any of your time with them over the Christmas period. Think your DH should speak to them, too, and make it clear how disappointed he was by their behaviour.

Sham so you normally host at Christmas? I might be petty, but no way would I want them staying in my home for Christmas after that.

How horrid they are!
I thought knew what Waldorf dolls are, but checked to make sure.
If you made a doll for me I would be thrilled, I was oohing over them in a Handmade Teddy Shop yesterday.

Here's an example of the type of doll requested and mocked.
Fairy Waldorf Doll and you made a suitcase of clothes too!
I am glad your dh is on your side, he must be so embarrassed by their childish behaviour.

Has the SIL not said anything? Is she going for the 'say nothing and pretend it never happened' approach?

I would tell them you don't really accept crappy, smug "homemade" apologies, only shop bought, the sort that come with flowers, wine, chocolates, balloons with 'sorry' on them... They will understand.

They don't deserve your hand crafted with time and effort gifts op

They're not sorry at all

If they were sorry they'ld care about how you feel right now, instead of caring that you haven't publically let them off the hook for the benefit of everyone else enough

I guess they were hoping for a reply from you like "ha ha, we've all clicked the wrong send havent we, don't worry I know my stuff is shit and mil and sil are right and it would be wrong and petty of me to be upset"

Unfortunately it would open up the possibility that they bitch about you behind your back, they were stupid enough to hit reply all, what other stuff are they saying about you! But their not your worries forget them, keep a distance between them. Go to BM or Homebargains or Poundshop, and get them a packet of Walnut Whips each

On the shelf above this computer and in various boxes are things the family have made over the years. Some are not what I would've have chosen, but someone took the trouble to make something rather than join in the shopping bun fight that now goes for Christmas. In this family, that's taken as love.

Agree with Arf - The 'victim' (iyswim) has to be twisted into the bad guy in order that the person who said/did the horrible thing feels ok about themself.

The good thing is DH is standing up for you and he has, I hope, many years of buying cards and presents ahead. However, in terms of future happiness not getting on with ILs has many pitfalls. What they did was cruel. What you do next is crucial. I suggest being polite and let time take its course.

I wish you well.

Buy them tupperware for Xmas! Mass produced and functional. Should be right up their street.

I sew and knit. I get requests all the time. I always say no. My time is limited, my work exquisite; I have no time for people who have no concept of the effort involved. So I sew and knit for me, me, me! And sometimes the kids and husband if they have been very good and the request suits my fancy.

They are not sorry at all, sorry they weren't careful enough in the first place, and that they were careless, but that's it! Sil lack of apology speaks volumes, they are so jealous of you. Makes them look like the ugly sisters.

This year I think you and your do should go away for Christmas. they expect you to host their ungrateful arses...shakes head.

I assume Christmas is one of the few holidays you get per year so why do you have to waste it on your in laws? Tell your Dh you want to go abroad or something year. My suggestion is a little petty but that's the mood I am in

Sorry, that should have been they come and stay with us in the summer

We all rotate and take it in turns at Christmas, they weren't due to come to us this year. We would have visited at some point over the holiday period.