Gift for boyfriend was not well received

[Lottiegal]

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

To be honest, I don't particularly like the clock either, it really doesn't look like 200 quids worth, it looks like a generic basic cheap clock. But that's irrelevant basically.

The fact he hasn't responded to uour text is a bit concerning. Maybe he doesn't actually like the clock and doesn't want to have to put it up, or maybe feels uou are being a bit unreasonable in wanting him to, or maybe there is something going on here in terms of his views of the relationship and expensive gifts, or maybe he thinks uou bought him a cheapo plastic wall clock and is a big offended...

Maybe it was his ex girlfriend that was really into Scandi stuff and he really hates it.

We need to see the clock, then.

You know it's MN etiquette to post the photos (and drawings, and graphics).

I can certainly see where you are coming from Op, maybe return it but his 'what would I do with a clock' comment was silly. I wouldn't be forthcoming with replacing with his 'You know I like tech' ideas either.

Toffeelatteplease
But she didn't get him something she didn't know he'd like. She got him something she genuinely thought he'd love for various thoughtful reasons, she's Finnish and he works in finance so there are personal associations, he said he's a fan of Scandinavian design and it's a classic. Given that, he should be a bit more sensitive instead of expecting the equivalent value in tech.

www.skandium.com/bankers-clock

Yes it is generic but his flat is very minimal so I didn't want to get something that was making a big statement iykwim

Is 12 hours a long time not to reply to a txt? (Genuine question) Does that include the night? I frequently don't reply to texts for days, unless an urgent response is required.

'We were arranging a weekend away together but everything I suggested wasn't right'

So it wasn't quite down to 'work and DC' that you didn't do an away trip as a gift. He didn't really fancy that either.

Hhhhmmmm I think I'd stop giving him quite so much thought, and maybe get him an elephant cushion type gift if there is a next time.

I think whatever his motives, he went about it all in a very ungracious way - he put you down, and made you feel embarrassed, saying 'what would I do with a clock it's really not me' is extremely rude.

I'd be making a few suggestions as to what he could do with the clock.

But since he;s been good enough to favour you with his 'honesty' I think you should return the favour. Tell him exactly how it made you feel when he ungraciously rejected your gift, tell him embarrassed you. If you need to learn 'what gifts he wants', he needs to learn how to talk to you nicely and not upset you. He lacks manners in a very big way - counter his 'what would I do with a clock it's so not me' with 'how could you be so rude and ungracious - it's so against my ideas of how to receive a gift'

The thing is it was all about him and he didn't consider your feelings, he wanted tech and was disappointed at getting a clock. Children pout and say 'I don't like this' adults suck it up and say 'thanks very much' and learn to love it because of the thought behind it.

Did he actually ask for the same value in tech? That's not how I read I thought he just said he'd like a tech present it but I could be wrong.

It's far too soon to judge him on this one incident, people have very different ideas about present giving. I might have done what your boyfriend did, I wouldn't want a £200 clock that is not my taste on the wall. I bet he doesn't have a wall clock because he doesn't want one.

I think it's important to be a gracious present giver and make it quite clear you won't be offended if the recipient isn't thrilled, otherwise the present is all about you rather than them.

I wouldn't have an elephant cushion in the house mind you, so you are obviously quite sentimental about gifts.

arabhorsesarebest
It depends on the text. I would consider that a long time not to respond to a partner saying I'd upset them, I would want to put it right as soon as possible especially if it was some kind of misunderstanding. How long does it take to say sorry?

If someone got me a wall clock as a gift, I'd be a bit 'eh?' . A watch would be different, as it somehow feels more appropriate.

This is only what I'd be thinking on the inside however, and outwardly I'd accept it with good grace and gushing thanks!

After clicking on your link Op it's quite small size that you bought, I'm not sure where I'd place that as it's quite little for the wall....if I'm reading it properly.

I like it though, still think there's an element of rudeness from him considering it's a new relationship.

I suppose if he said that he didn't want anything then best to have gone with that.

Husband & I don't really do presents anymore-just wine/chocs/nice food-a small token just to give something, and usually a meal out.

But the causing problems over the weekend-why didn't he just say what he would like as it was for his bday!

OP, regardless of the merits of the clock, I honestly don't think that exchanging presents and arranging a weekend away should be this much work six months in to a new relationship. And if someone's first present to me was a revolting-sounding elephant cushion, I would certainly be wondering about their thought processes. The rejoinder 'What would I do with an elephant cushion? That's so not me' leaps to mind...

arabhorsesarebetter
In that comment about equivalent value I was responding to toffelatte Who said that the comments about tech might of been a way of saying if you're going to spend £200 why not spend it on something you know I want.

On a side note this site is terrible for replying to comments. There isn't a reply option to direct your comment at a specific poster and reply under what they have said, instead you have to type out their name and quote their comment. I'm finding it a real faff on the phone.

Small?

A proper metal clock with glass looks different from a cheap plastic one.

Maybe his flat is so minimal that he doesn't want to add anything to it. :)

BTW, if you were ever going to live together how would it work?

Only1scoop the one I bought was about 25-30cms diameter

I'm sorry I just don't think you have to learn to love something like a very distinctive style clock that you don't like just because of the thought behind it!
In the highly unlikely event that someone bought that style of clock for me (I collect antiques including antique clocks) it wouldn't matter how much I loved them I wouldn't "learn to love it" and I'm sure they wouldn't want me to "learn to love it".
I agree you can be sentimentally attached to something because of its past, I have an antique click belonging to my late mother that I personally wouldn't rush out to buy but I associate it with her, she's had it all my life, it sat on the mantelpiece of my childhood home and it's been handed down from previous family members. I look at it and there are many many memories attached to it including my mother struggling to wind it.

And obviously I meant to say might have. Aargh autocorrect.

I dunno, he's a bit of a contradiction, he is mostly very caring and loving person and really goes out of his way for me. He is also very direct sometimes in the way he talks and has said to me he won't sugar coat the truth and will say what he thinks.
Saying that he has been single for most of his adult life...

Although the clock isn't completely my taste it is really very inoffensive and I don't really understand why he couldn't have just said thank you, love it and put it on his wall? Especially when it came from someone he cares for and will be a lovely memory.

Of course it will hurt someone's feelings to reject a gift and all of the feelings behind it!

He sounds grabby, selfish and completely lacking in any empathy!
I would not be buying him a 'tech' gift for the same amount. Either keep the clock or return and give him a very small £20 gift or nothing.

(I do wonder if he saw it was expensive thought he could get something like an Apple Watch etc and is now not replying to texts till he sees one saying you have the tech gift for him)

I quite like the sound of him.

Dieu I totally get the watch comment but he has three Rolex's