Gift for boyfriend was not well received

[Lottiegal]

I'm divorced with three kids and have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months. Things have been going pretty well so far and he seems committed etc. At the weekend was his 40th and we had dinner etc and some drinks. I'd deliberated for ages what to get him as a gift, originally we talked about going away but we couldn't find the time work and kids etc. He's a man of discerning taste, and we share a love of Scandinavia and good design, so I bought him an Aarne Jacobsen clock (a design classic) When he received it he thanked me and said it was a cool gift so I was pleased. Today though on the phone he said he was sorry he didn't like the gift and wanted to return it. I was a bit upset to be honest but hid my emotions and said I would return it. He then joked like 'what would I do with a clock, it's really not me' I felt hurt that I'd got it so wrong, and by his reaction. I did say I was upset that he didn't like it but he seemed almost annoyed that I'd got it for him.
Am I being unreasonable?

And yes I think blocking without saying anything is by far the bigger problem here too! Baffled by the beating this guy is getting otherwise.

I'm assuming you can unblock someone? As I said maybe it's just whilst he's at work. Or maybe as most people seem to think he's a complete dickhead! The problem is that there's usually two sides to every story and we're only hearing one side of the story. Perhaps he's started a thread on mansnet along the lines of; my GF who I've only know for a few months and only see at weekends because it's a LDR but who seems very nice and has great kids who I get on well with bought me this hideous over priced wall clock for my 40th, true I did mention I liked Scandinavian design. I was embarrassed that she'd spent so much money on the thing, she's a single mum, and suggested by trying to make a joke out of it that it wasn't really me and she took it back (I admit that this might have been a bit tactless) and we just had a nice weekend together and if she wanted to buy me something get something techy and useful (as I can afford to buy myself most things I want). I guess I was thinking of something amusing like a star wars shaped memory stick. She seemed OK about it when we talked face to face but now she's sent me this weird WhatsApp, basically accusing me of being an insensitive arse, criticising the present I bought her earlier in the year (when I hardly knew her) and talking about our where she was assuming our relationship would be in two years time. I feel a bit overwhelmed and upset but am in a meeting all day with a very important client, I can't let the client see that something wrong, I haven't got the time to send the right reply and am worried she'll send more so have temporarily blocked her.
WWYD?

It may be insignificant to you, but to op and I know, myself, early in a relationship, this would make me think that bit less of him tbh.

Don't beat yourself up about the text- for a man who prides himself on dishing out the straight talking and not giving any leeway to politeness, there was nothing in there that he wouldn't have been able to handle.

To be honest, I think he was looking for excuses for a way out. If it wasn't this, something else would have cropped up to kick off a disagreement. Sounds like he wants conversations, gifts, weekends together etc to be run according to his terms and conditions- whatever you did or said, you'd always be in the wrong.

And I don't think you were in the wrong to mention the cushion either. For someone so outspoken about the need for forthright honesty, those comments should be perfectly acceptable.

"Sounds like he wants conversations, gifts and weekends together etc to run according to his terms and conditions"
Bloody hell inertia the man only said he didn't like the clock she bought him! Somewhere up thread the OP said he was generally very kind and considerate, her children "love him" and he suggested the clock went back and they had a nice weekend together.

LOL at a man writing a post like that

I don't get why it's not OK to end a relationship of only 6 months with a man who you aren't compatible with.

It hardly need to be crime of the century to clearly signpost incompatibility and very different expectations.

People who are too precious about their home decor to be able to graciously accept presents bore the arse off me.

People who make me feel belittled after I am kind to them have no place in my life.

All this weird agonising about how seriously a man must sin before being binned for being a shallow, tiresone twat is pointless.

Either way, it's over now.

I think a cushion that was just given as souvenir from a holiday/work trip he took is a bit different to a £200 clock!

No, apparently it is unacceptable to give a person a present for their home in case it doesn't match their other animal themed cushions.

I was all set to weigh in with my opinion, but now I see that he has effectively ended things with you. I'm sorry, OP. It seems you didn't want or expect this outcome.

FWIW, I think he was sending mixed messages WRT gifts. On the one hand, I can certainly understand feeling uncomfortable about someone spending that much on a birthday gift. I wouldn't be altogether pleased if my husband spent that much on me (though it would come from our joint account). But for your boyfriend to add that he likes "tech" seems to indicate he wanted a particular kind of present, not that he was necessarily uncomfortable about the amount you spent.

Oops, I guess I weighed in with my opinion anyway.

OP - did he ever give you any other gifts in these 6 months, apart from the elephant cushion?
Just trying to work out if has any particular talents himself in this realm of gift-giving.
Anyway, his behaviour is diabolical. He sounds up his own arse and I think you may have dodged a bullet there.

If the OP (or for that matter the man who she's seeing) wants to end the relationship after any length of time for whatever reason that's fine. Maybe he is a "shallow tiresome twat" Although I'm not convinced the OP did completely think this before she started this thread or that she really wants to bin him. After all she was the one who said in her whatsapp "when we're having a drink together in a couple of years" or something similar.
Maybe this man is very precious about his home decor but that's his prerogative it's his home and his money, maybe he doesn't want to get up everyday and look at something he really can't stand I can relate to that and maybe doin like you the OP doesn't feel the same, you and she would not be bothered so find it hard to understand how he feels, or maybe you and the OP just doesn't share his taste in interior decoration it's a free country so they and you can think what you like.
Lastly maybe he did belittle her but let's be honest it's not clear if it was intentional or perhaps he was just being clumsy and embarrassed to say he didn't like it.
I hope OP you resolve it to your satisfaction either by sorting it out and hopefully laughing about it in a couple of years time over a glass of wine or by putting it down as one of life's experiences and moving on.

I honestly don't see what's diabolical about explaining he didn't like it and apologising and then making a clumsy joke, before saying he wanted to spend the weekend with her and didn't need gifts. I can't see why the guy is getting flamed here. The fact she felt belittled is more on her and her sensitivities than him. He only said "what am I going to do with a clock" how's that belittling for goodness sake.

What I do think is bad is his blocking her. Unless she was texting every two mins he didn't need to do that, what's app is not intrusive, you can easily also change the notifications on it.

Frankly as this goes on I agree with Shelagh the poor sod is probably rushing home to hide his pet rabbit and Scandinavian cooking pot.

Someone spends £200 and puts loads of thought into buyingbthheir boyfriend a clock by a designer she thinks he will appreciate.

His is response is "what would I do with a clock?"

All her thought and effort sneered at with a comment that expresses bemusement that anyone could imagine he might like such a thing.

Dickhead.

Of course it's ok for the OP to end it for any reason she wants! Nobody said otherwise (did they? maybe missed it). But I don't think that's what she thought she was doing necessarily.

Lots of people have complained bitterly about the hysteria on the thread and how the poor bloke has every right to be a rude cunt about a present without bejng dumped for it.

"complained bitterly"

So did you get the clock back?

He wasn't rude he even apologised, yes he made a clumsy joke of "what would I do with a clock" but also then said he just wanted to spend weekend with her and didn't need gifts.

No it's not great, but it's certainly not the beast from hell type of behaviour.

Seriously, she's in there texting him about their long term relationship and how she's a loved one and he should treasure her gifts for gods sake.

You've only been dating for six months and that's weekends only - your kids already 'love' him (I get that means they think he is great rather than properly loving him) and you've discussed moving in and yet you've had this ridiculous situation over a clock.

Whatever you do I think it would be a huge mistake to move in together. Carry on dating forever for a long while before doing anything silly.

Maybe he genuinely was bemused and thought "God it's absolutely hideous what the hell am I going to do with it"
Would you rather he did pretend he liked it (it's not exactly cheap) and stuffed it in a cupboard and got it out every time the OP came over or was honest, I don't like it I don't know what on earth to do with it, please take it back. Let's do something else together with the money.
I frankly would prefer the latter.
Maybe he felt he knew the OP well enough to be honest and tried and clearly failed to make light of it and not cause too much embarrassment on either side by making a joke about it. We've all done this in our lives I'm sure.