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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider not having children, just because of the pain?

167 replies

RentANDBills · 29/10/2016 18:30

I've just had a copper coil fitted.
If this is something you are considering doing, please don't read this - I don't want to be responsible for influencing any choices Sad

Anyway, I've just had a copper coil fitted. It was the single most painful thing that has happened to me.
I knew it would be uncomfortable, but historically have a very high pain threshold so was nervous, but not too concerned.

I've read some bad things online about them, and actually think I got off lightly as the Doctor fits them day in day out (sexual health clinic) and did it really efficiently, no messing about. Though I couldn't lie still long enough for her to properly check with the ultrasound thingy as I immediately needed to go to the bathroom and basically had a panic attack Blush Blush Blush

I always thought I wanted children, though not right now, but I'm really really worried that this will now mean I'm too frightened to do so, when the time is right.

I honestly can't imagine how it could have hurt more, you could have stabbed me through the stomach and it would have made no difference.

I understand that it was a similar pain to child birth, except child birth is the same thing over and over again! Halloween Shock

AIBU to genuinely let this influence my decision in the future?
(I realise this probably means I don't want children "enough")

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 30/10/2016 01:58

Oh and I should add - I don't have problems with speculums any more and I suspect that at the time I had that particular exam, either I was tensing, or they did something in a different way that I wasn't expecting - I'm really not sure what it might have been, but in any case, it's definitely possible for something gynaecological to be shockingly painful but then other things not to be, including childbirth.

merrymouse · 30/10/2016 01:26

I think that of all the pain of having children, child birth is one of the easiest to bear.

I'd much rather go through childbirth than the anxiety of a child having a tough time at school, and I could face another labour far more easily than a year of broken nights.

However, at the end of it all, the reward is worth the pain. (Or not - plenty of people choose not to have children and that is great for them).

Woody67 · 30/10/2016 09:38

Gallstones is by far the worst pain I've experienced. The coil was more unpleasant than giving birth, and my second labour with just gas and air was better than the first with all the drugs.

Your body is designed to go through labour and childbirth and all the hormones etc play their part.

Please don't let your experience with the coil put you off (plus they say once you've had a baby, getting a coil in is easier and the cervix has already stretched).

TaraCarter · 30/10/2016 09:48

The coil was worse than childbirth for me, and I didn't have an epidural. The rather abrasive doctor tried to insert it without anaesthetic gel because she was certain that having given birth, I wouldn't need it. Then she tried to argue with me about it.

I told her that childbirth had hurt less and they'd given me codeine for that.

Floisme · 30/10/2016 09:52

The drugs are fabulous. Best time ever. The pain when they leave is far worse.

MummyToOneGirl · 30/10/2016 10:56

I struggled with infertility for years and went through hell as I longed for a child desperately but couldn't have one. I remember seeing a leaflet for IVF and it said 'There is only one thing more painful than having a baby. That is not having a baby'. Thankfully I have a beautiful daughter through IVF and am unlikely to have any more, but I'd go through the pain of childbirth again in a flash as having a child is the best thing in the world.

Alabastard · 30/10/2016 10:59

I can tell you now that childbirth is the most pain I've ever experienced. But I'm already forgetting it, if that makes sense.

I'd do it all again for another one.

Purplebluebird · 30/10/2016 11:01

It is really a very individual thing, how childbirth is. For me it was torture, I cannot imagine anything worse. I had a mirena coil put in and it was uncomfortable but not hugely painful. It did feel a bit stabby, but the internal checks during labour was far far far worse.

I think if you really want children but is terrified of the pain, I'd go with a c-section. I wanted one if I were to have another child, but I have decided not to have another one, partly due to how painful it was. I had an epidural at 8cm, but it failed and only worked on one side (I had pains both sides), so it didn't really help in the end. Sorry I can't convince you any differently, but this is my personal story :P

Boolovessulley · 30/10/2016 11:10

Ive had 2 coils fitted and wish id had it done earlier,
Yes it was painful but it cured my horrendous periods so well , well worth it.
I laboured for 23 hours.
Dd was stuck, lAid back to back and it was absolutely horrendous.

I can't describe how painful it was.
And the pain was pretty full on too.

If you don't want a baby then don't have one.

SparkleFlutterShy · 30/10/2016 11:14

You know what's more painful than childbirth? Raising the buggers.

MrsKoala · 30/10/2016 11:29

i have suffered from crippling period pains and had copper coils since 16. It's a horrible pain i agree. it really is one of the worst pains i have felt. but it is fleeting, and for me worth it.

I have had one very bad labour with not much pain relief and 2 sections. Both came with their own pains. The body is strange thing tho as oddly, little things like the canulas being put in my hands, the sweeps (which you can refuse) and the steroid injection in my arse when ds2 seemed like he was coming at 30 weeks (but thankfully didn't), hurt way more than the 'birth' part - and in that i include forceps and 3rd degree tearing.

Personally I'd still go thru all of it again for another baby.

About 2 months ago not quite 2yo DS2 fell out of a 1st floor window. The way i felt is indescribable, i'd go thru every pain i have ever felt in one go every single day for the rest of my life to prevent anything like that happening again.

(Pain threshold are all different, i've had 8 knee surgeries which are meant to be extremely painful. I hardly felt a thing, never even took the morphine they gave me as paracetamol was fine yet something like a canula makes me cry)

IhatchedaSnorlax · 30/10/2016 13:29

Sparkle Grin

JustGetOverIt · 30/10/2016 13:50

OP I've had two births, one with all the drugs and one with none.

And I'm still not brace enough to have the coil fitted.

LifeIsGhoulish · 30/10/2016 16:40

Childbirth is absolutely nothing like having a coil fitted. I've had 3VB and 2 coils.

YWB(utterly and extravagantly)U to let this out you off having children.

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

Aroundtheworldandback · 30/10/2016 18:23

Crazy crazy crazy. Yes it hurt 19 and 16 years ago respectively but I have two (almost) adults in my life who I share a bond with that I could never have had with anyone else, two people who love me and will hopefully always be there for me.

If you don't want a baby absolutely don't have one, but if you do, have a c-section/pain relief

Kel1234 · 30/10/2016 18:34

Yes labour and childbirth is painful, but for me the benefits far outweigh the pain.
I was in early labour, having contractions for 4 days, and in the end the midwife had to break my waters in the birth centre as the head wasn't fully engaged.
I got through my whole early labour with nothing at all- I even sat in Pizza Hut and had a meal with my husband, while I had contractions. Then my tens machine done the job until 3 hours before I actually gave birth. Then the birthing pool helped a lot as well. Tried gas and air and it made me feel really sick so didn't use it, and I was adamant I did not want an epidural.
I got through it, and I'm defo having another baby, despite how my first labour was.

AgainPlease · 30/10/2016 18:34

I think you are being a little U. Childbirth is horrendously painful but it's like ripping off a bandaid, you forget about the pain once it's over.

cheeseoverchocolate · 30/10/2016 18:46

I second StarlingMurmuration's comment. It was the worst pain I ever experienced in my life. ...and it was an uncomplicated birth, and I consider myself to have a high pain threshold. (Broken bones, toothache - that was nothing for me.)

But the worst bit is what comes afterwards, the stitches, the sleepless nights for weeks/months, the crying, losing your identity through not being at work/being stuck at home/away from adults for months on end. It's been the worst year of my life. Having said that, the number of people who tell me "to make the most of it/cherish those precious moments" clearly shows some people have it very differently so don't assume the worst but be aware it may happen.

TallulahBetty · 30/10/2016 18:48

Breaking my arm was far more painful than childbirth. And I'd rather give birth again than have 9 months of sickness again.

Original poster
RentANDBills · 30/10/2016 21:37

the crying, losing your identity through not being at work/being stuck at home/away from adults for months on end

This is basically my job. I'm looking forward to when my charge is older and the crying has significantly decreased. At the moment its the only way he can communicate if there's something wrong and having hopped straight from one baby job into another without a break, I sometimes wonder if I'm going quite mad.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 30/10/2016 21:44

Labour didn't hurt the whole time. Yes the contractions got more painful as time went on and it fucking hurt as soon as I was in the wrong position (eg in a bath which was too small or on the car journey in to the hospital). If I was in my nice dark room it was manageable.

However the bit that really hurt was the ring of fire (crowning). Also being stitched up at the end and recovery afterwards. But those were overrelatively quickly.

I also had the hell of awful sleepers. But now they're 7&4, it is a dim and distant memory.

The worst physical pain I've had was when I had a miscarriage - I was haemorrhaging and the paramedics had me on my back (I was much better lying on my side). Really hurt. I ended up having general anaesthetic as my cervix was blocked so I was basically chucking blood out Shock

Other worst pain was pleurisy. That hurt like fuck.

honeylulu · 31/10/2016 09:31

I'm a complete wuss with pain and I an elective caesarean with my first as I was so scared. However I had an epidural and it was honestly fine. My second was born so fast I had no pain relief. Also fine.
I have damaged fingers and toes a few times (accident prone) and those incidents were far more painful than giving birth. I've also been run over and had teeth knocked out, nose broken etc and the fingers and toes were still worst!

honeylulu · 31/10/2016 09:33

Sorry that should say I wanted a c section but DIDN'T have one!

needtoloseastone · 31/10/2016 16:37

I have 4 kids and expecting my fifth, when I had my coul fitted it was the most painful experience ever it caused me to faint it was so bad that the removal had to be done under GA.
The doctor said to me it's an unnatural procedure whereas childbirth isn't and that made a lot of sense.

Purple52 · 31/10/2016 16:41

A nurse told me mid smear test not to have a coil fitted if I couldn't cope with the pain/discomfort/being poked and prodded. This was after I'd had two children with no pain relief.
Labour is different. Your body wants to do it. Yes it hurts. But you know why and you know it'll be worth it and you'll feel better afterwards. (Very similar to needing a massive poo!)

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