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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider not having children, just because of the pain?

167 replies

RentANDBills · 29/10/2016 18:30

I've just had a copper coil fitted.
If this is something you are considering doing, please don't read this - I don't want to be responsible for influencing any choices Sad

Anyway, I've just had a copper coil fitted. It was the single most painful thing that has happened to me.
I knew it would be uncomfortable, but historically have a very high pain threshold so was nervous, but not too concerned.

I've read some bad things online about them, and actually think I got off lightly as the Doctor fits them day in day out (sexual health clinic) and did it really efficiently, no messing about. Though I couldn't lie still long enough for her to properly check with the ultrasound thingy as I immediately needed to go to the bathroom and basically had a panic attack Blush Blush Blush

I always thought I wanted children, though not right now, but I'm really really worried that this will now mean I'm too frightened to do so, when the time is right.

I honestly can't imagine how it could have hurt more, you could have stabbed me through the stomach and it would have made no difference.

I understand that it was a similar pain to child birth, except child birth is the same thing over and over again! Halloween Shock

AIBU to genuinely let this influence my decision in the future?
(I realise this probably means I don't want children "enough")

OP posts:
PoohBearsHole · 29/10/2016 20:55

Childbirth can be painful, but the minute that baby whooshes out it kind of stops and genuinely you forget it Grin most of the time

RavioliOnToast · 29/10/2016 20:56

It's a different kind of pain. It's fucking hard don't get me wrong but you're full of a determination and to be frank, it has to come out some how...

HedgehogHedgehog · 29/10/2016 20:57

haha but if you do decide you want a baby then getting to hold your baby afterwards does have an impact on the pain youll tolerate..... i mean what do you get after having the coil shoved up you? A stern look from a nurse? At best.
When i had my baby i had my parents wait out side with champagne, chocolates, flowers, blue cheese and balloons. You need incentive. Also i was high as a kite on morphine. I turned to my partner at one point crying with joy because the sunset was so beautiful..... he was all like 'yeah, thats nice, you do know its 2am tho?....'

liletsthepink · 29/10/2016 20:58

Having a coil fitted with no pain relief on offer seems very wrong. I'm shocked that women are expected to just put up with it hurting and then fainting from the pain.

Original poster
RentANDBills · 29/10/2016 21:10

I said to DP earlier that I was shocked that something so painful was a routine procedure.

I think I was naive going in because I presumed that doctors simply wouldn't do something that would cause that kind of pain without some kind of pain relief. Most of my hysteria afterwards was because of the trauma of the thing rather than the lasting pain, though it still bloody hurt. I was also getting myself worked up because of the childbirth comparison.

My mother, always one for a strong bedside manner, was...reassuring after I called her this afternoon.
I said "that was the most painful thing that I've ever felt"
and she replied, "oh no....you poor thing. It won't be though. But poor you!" Grin thanks Mum

OP posts:
aforestgrewandgrew · 29/10/2016 21:11

I had horrendous pain the first time and I chose to have another. That tells you it really is worth the pain - although better if you have a labour that doesn't hurt so much, of course!

iwasbornaunicorn · 29/10/2016 21:11

I've had the coil fitted 3 times & had 3 children all without pain killers. I can honestly say the coil is more painful than labor.
When you go into labor your body releases endorphins which are the body's natural pain killer.
Honestly don't worry and when/if the time comes don't panic remember our body is meant to do labor it isn't meant to have something metal pushed into it.

Rainydayspending · 29/10/2016 21:19

I had a coil fitted, i don't recall decent pain relief though I was advised to take paracetamol beforehand. I don't recall a great deal of pain at the time (there were sharp pains for the next two days). I was faint afterwards - but a sort of shock thing. I have given birth three times and had three miscarriages (spontaneous and d&c). Of all these experiences with my cervix being poked, prodded etc. The ones that hurt most ... were those not spontaneously being caused by my body.
Also, if you are anxious etc you can seek support through pregnancy, it will be taken seriously if you express it honestly. I understand some of the painkillers are good too. Sorry you had such a bad time.

KnitFastDieWarm · 29/10/2016 21:25

OP i'm the biggest wimp imaginable and i surprised myself by genuinely quite enjoying labour. The closest thing i can compare it to was the kind of exhaustion and pain you feel when running or doing really intense exercise - it hurts and you're pushing yourself, but you also feel kind of high on it, kind of powerful if that makes sense? it's not the same as breaking a bone or something where you think 'crap, that's not supposed to feel like that!' Grin

also gas and air is excellent fun. it doesn't stop the pain but it made me so blissed out i honestly didn't mind it!

GreyBird84 · 29/10/2016 21:40

Not the same but I had a c-section due to maternal health reasons.

This was due to a horrific HSG experience (turned out it was inexperienced doctor performing 1st time unsupervised - I found this out when I lodged an official complaint a few weeks later when I felt strong enough to put pen to paper).

The thought of pain down there - internals, childbirth, stitches....I couldn't deal. My consultant believes my HSG gave me PTSD.

So I understand a completely unrelated procedure clouding your judgement on childbirth.

If you really want a family though please don't let this one incident prevent you.

I'm now pregnant with no 2 & hope to god I get another elective section.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 29/10/2016 21:48

I completely agree with SpottedZebra as does the (male) dr who fitted my coil & called the process & fitting barbaric & said they'd be long gone if men had to endure them! (All said whilst I'm legs akimbo in agony with the speculum already inserted!!)

thecatsarecrazy · 29/10/2016 22:29

I have 2 children, after each I've always said never again. I'm now expecting number 3. I had a flu jab the other day and nearly cried. I've managed to give birth just with gas and air twice.

TopangaD · 29/10/2016 22:59

I've had two children 'naturally 'and ha FBI that the copper and mirenacoil, had a Terrible time with one of my coils as a trainee was doing it and they were not sure if there was a womb puncture.. had to go back for scan etc.. it hurt.. but childbirth hurt more. I have a high pain threshold ( was even told this in labour) but I still had gas and air.. yes it will hurt but I think the having the baby at the end outweighs this.. you just kind of get through it and zone out.. every one is different.. and more pain relief is available my friend went private and had an epidural pretty much as she arrived on site.. had a painfee birth.. mine less glam at 36 hrs but we got there .. second was 10 yrs... if you want a baby just do it.. pain passes

glueandstick · 29/10/2016 23:07

A broken rib is worse than childbirth. Or a dislocated hip.

A broken rib and a dislocated hip when pregnant is fairly fucking awful and childbirth pretty much was a relief as suddenly you could have alllllll the good drugs. I was off my face in labour and finally pain free for a while. (We don't talk about the 8 months of pain I've had since birth....)

MyWineTime · 29/10/2016 23:09

If childbirth was genuinely that bad, women would only ever have 1 child.
Yes it hurts, but it is manageable.

Just in defence of the coil, I had one fitted and removed without feeling a thing, and I speak as someone who winces every time I have a smear. I honestly could not feel it at all. (and no pain relief)

limon · 29/10/2016 23:13

Yabu - I did three days of slow labour with a tens machine and paracetamol. I find smears painful but I handled labour pain OK (I had an epidural about 8 hours before she was born because I was very tired).

londonrach · 29/10/2016 23:14

Its a very intense pain but its strange your body and you cope (gas and air is amazing). I was surprised how your body took over and the pain got to a point where it didnt get any worse, you ride it out although it was intense and then the baby arrive and in that minute you forget about the pain. Yanbu to consider it but i wouldnt be put off by it. Recently i pulled a muscle in my arm and seriously that nerve pain was worst that child birth as once that baby is there the pain goes that second!

trixymalixy · 29/10/2016 23:23

I wasn't prepared properly for having the copper coil fitted. It was hideous and I was quite ill after it, couldn't drive myself home, and that's after having two children. I've heard it's worse if you haven't had children.

Giving birth was fine. I did it with just gas and air both times.

Copper coil fitting was more like having a cervical sweep, which was also hideous but nothing like giving birth.

Ohyesiam · 29/10/2016 23:24

Remember that your cervix was designed to give birth, and not to have a may bit of metal put in it.

biscuitbadger · 29/10/2016 23:54

I had a painful coil experience too. When they put it in it set off pain that was like really bad contractions in labour.

I think the coil pain was worse while it lasted - I was totally unprepared for it, and it came on strongly and suddenly.

I've had two babies, labour came on gradually and I was able to manage it better, plus I was expecting it to hurt. I felt a lot more in control, and the fact that it had a purpose really helped.

Only you can decide though - obviously every labour is different.

PS I later had the coil removed and that wasn't painful at all.

SpeckledyBanana · 29/10/2016 23:57

YABU, but Flowers

I have 2 DC, both vaginal births without epidural, but there is no way on earth I would have a coil put in.

I think smears are worse than childbirth. No drugs, no helpful hormones, no squishy newborn to snuggle after, etc.

IAmNotAWitch · 29/10/2016 23:58

Two drug free vaginal births were a piece of piss compared to when I tore my knee up skiing.

Childbirth is no small thing, but not necessarily more painful than other stuff.

pabstblueribbon · 30/10/2016 00:02

Giving birth was only just bearable for me. I don't know how I managed it and I used to think that I had quite a high pain threshold. It really does bloody hurt.

BUT I would do it again in a heartbeat because the most amazing feeling in the world comes straight after it Smile

IMissGrannyW · 30/10/2016 01:36

sorry, not going to RTFT, as it's 5 pages, so apologies if it's moved on:

Childbirth pain is like no other. Yes, it hurts, but unlike (for example) stubbing your toe (which just HURTS) it's a means to an end. Also (and this isn't to be patronising, because I also thought that the main thing about being a mother was the pain of childbirth). It's actually a momentary thing. And worth it - because you get a child, which is yours. And being a mother is the singular most important thing that's happened to me ever! And, by far, the the best.

Childbirth pain is worth it for the child you will have. Sorry again for not RTFT.

BertieBotts · 30/10/2016 01:53

I've never had a coil, but I almost fainted from the pain of having an internal examination during early labour. I'd never had a speculum before (I was only 19) and it was quite alarmingly painful. It made me feel anxious about labour - which I was already worried about because I have absolutely shocking pain management skills normally and struggle with things like a grazed leg.

But it turned out I had no trouble with labour at all and only needed to use gas and air. I've also dreamt about childbirth several times since then (I know it's not the same thing at all!) and it's always been painful but manageable.

It wouldn't necessarily be anything like the same - and as others have said, if it is, that's why you have pain relief options!

If it's the only thing that's putting you off, try not to worry about it. If you have several reasons not to want children and this is just one, then, fair enough. But really, the pain isn't necessarily terrible.