AIBU to think this is a strange wedding invite?!

[palomapaloma]

Just got my eagerly awaited wedding invite from my first cousin who is getting married in a few months. She sent a group invite for my parents, me and my siblings (all adults) I assumed it included my husband and 2 children and my brothers long term partners. Messaged her just to check and she told me no it's only people named on the invite! Am I being off for feeling a bit put out? I'm now in a dilemma with what to do as hubby has the hump with not being invited! The wedding is about 40 miles away so if I go I'd have to stay over somewhere or not drink( not gonna happen!) I just feel quite disappointed because we grew up together, we are still close and shared a flat a few years back. I've been married for 6 years so it's not like I've got an on off bf that she barely knows. What's everyone's opinion and what would you do?

For those of you who would have been surprised that your OH wasn't invited - are they close to either the bride and groom? I'm surprised at the number of people who feel they can't go to events on their own!

OP - you say your husband IS invited to the evening do. What about the kids? If everyone had been invited to the whole day, presumably you were considering staying over given that you want to drink. If your husband and children are invited in the evening, can't you get a hotel and they join you later?

On the basis that Op's husband isn't considered close enough family, why did they invite both of Op's parents? Why not invite just her mother or father I.e. the relative who is actually the closest blood relation?

I know I wouldn't go to a wedding if my DH wasn't invited and we had both known the bride for a long time. It's not because I can't bear to attend events on my own, it's because it's a direct snub to the person I live with and chose to share my life with. It would have been much better for no cousins to be invited at all.

Op, did you invite your cousin with a plus one to your wedding?

I find it really odd tbh. More so as you are on the invitation with your parents. Presuming you moved out and have lived independantly for a number of years?

I wouldn't go at all.

I had a similar condition to your DH and would have found attending a wedding as if not more exhausting and stressful than looking after the children by myself.
Who would have had the children if you and your DH attended alone? Could they not support your DH whilst you go. Could you fix up a sleepover?
I think you planned your weekend in your head and are upset the reality doesn't match.

On the basis that Op's husband isn't considered close enough family, why did they invite both of Op's parents? Why not invite just her mother or father I.e. the relative who is actually the closest blood relation?

That's not really a fair comparison. My uncle isn't a blood relation, but he's never not been part of my life. He married my aunt when my mum was 11. Whilst I still wouldn't exclude a cousin's spouse, to suggest the two relationships are the same is disingenuous.

Sorry but wedding etiquette is very much thst married couples are invited. I would be very surprised if I was not invited to DH cousins wedding.

If they can't fit u in they should have chosen a cheaper venue.

There is no such thing as wedding etiquette - surely couples can do what they want? We certainly did when we got married 25 years ago! Why should a couple use a cheaper venue - they should have the venue of their choice and invite the guests they want to!

Why should a couple use a cheaper venue

There's a contingent on MN that would have all weddings in a barn with everyone lining up at a big trough just so Uncle Tom Cobbley and all can be invited.

I wouldn't go if my husband wasn't invited.

I do plenty without him. I socialise in my own group pretty regularly so we are not joined at the hip but for me a wedding is different. That's a family thing.

It's not about people not being able to cope without their husbands, I'm pretty sure we can all do that and most of us socialise without them pretty often. A wedding is different. We go together or not at all.

The last wedding I declined was when me, dh and my/dh's bio children were invited but they didn't invite my three children from my first marriage who dh had been living with for years. Like I was going to go with two of them and tell the other three they weren't invited

Why has this got to be "weird" "odd" "rude" "thoughtless"?

I would immediately assume that numbers were limited and she wanted her actual family there rather than all the people they decided to bring into their lives and I include children in that.

It's her day is the usual stance on MN, up until she doesn't invite your husband and then it's Just Not On.

All of you should stay at the hotel so when youre finished at the party youre there to keep an eye on everyone.

Lilets- yes she was invited to our wedding with a plus one as was her mum who bought a boyfriend who we had never met. I totally understand that it's her day and her choice. Will probably go for the day and hope to car share with someone.

It must be down to budget/numbers constraints. But it seems a bit off she couldn't explain this to you, as I do think the general expectation is that spouses/LT partners are invited to weddings. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where partners weren't invited. Though obviously judging by this thread there are indeed plenty of weddings like that.

I think there is something slightly off-message in saying come and celebrate our love and commitment to each other, but not with the person YOU love and are committed to... But yes, I also acknowledge the point of wanting to have more actual friends present and fewer partners you dont know very well.

It's your cousin. Like it, or lump it.

I was a bit put out when I found out my friend wasn't inviting my DP to her wedding - in Bali!
But I would not be bothered if it was just 70 miles. If you really want to go, you'll find a way.

My husband would be over the moon if he didn't get an invite to a wedding

I'd never dream of inviting someone without their partner to a wedding. I gave plus one invites to my single friends for my own wedding so they could choose who to bring. I have heard of someone not inviting partners before but it was work colleagues not cousins. I can understand the cost issue, I'd prefer an evening invite for both of us rather than a full day invite for me personally.

What u2 said.

when you marry you are joined as one, so my DHs sister is now my sister. His cousin is my cousin.

You can invite one cousin but not the other because you know them more or like them better but some people would think that is unkind.

I have a cousin's wedding next year but children aren't invited so will probably have to leave husband at home with them anyway. All potential sitters are invited to the wedding. Also if I am still breast feeding I won't be able to go either.

My DH would be only too glad not to have been invited!

Very odd not to invite a married partner to a family wedding of all things! I'd decline if No prob not inviting kids - that is very different. But the choice is yours.....

But if you have to invite partners of all your cousins, for some that means a lot of extra people. Which would realistically mean some cousins don't get invited at all.

I know weddings are a costly business these days but if cousins are going to be invited ,I think it is only polite to include husbands or partners though not necessarily children.

But the point is that can mean a lot more guests. So cousins would simply not be invited. And the OP wanted children invite too, which could easily mean for every cousin you invite, you get 3 other people attending. And a lot of venues charge per head.