To be sick of the perfect modern parent brigade!?

[Toofondofcake]

If I get a flaming here oh well but I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I'm sick of hearing other women/parents lecturing others on parenting techniques in a properly pretentious and judgey way. It always seems to be something like "we don't discipline, putting your child in timeout is abuse". Or "my child Star only wears gender neutral clothing as I won't impose society's gender constructs on them" or "clothes don't matters my 8 year old can wear whatever she likes".

I respect other people parent in very different ways but I can't stand seeing people preaching parenting lectures at others. I just want to scream " your DAUGHTER isn't spirited She's a bully! And letting her wear her dance leotard to the park isn't progressive and changing society, it's October and it's freezing and inappropriate".

Sorry for ranting. This is my scream into a pillow place.

Totally agree with Whatsername.

Kids are given way too many age-inappropriate choices. It's horribly confusing for them. As parents it's our job to at least offer a bit of guidance.

We have plenty of kids in our school who are allowed to call the shots at home. They do not do well in a school setting. I saw one this week, gave his mum an almighty shove because it was time to go somewhere. He does it a lot. All decisions are run past him. He is 7. There's another (no additional needs at all) who regularly assaults children and staff. His father looks haughtily at us and tells us it's our fault for not letting him do what he wants.

'Gentle parenting' isn't what I meant when I said 'I am a gentle parent. I meant I'm not a parent who follows strict rules and routines or screams and shouts. I'm somewhere in the middle.

Whatsername I fall somewhere in the middle too. I always try to keep my cool and go with the flow but I couldn't stop telling DD off if she does something wild.

YouTheCat yes I'm a teacher and see a lot of this too. It's so true that these children so not get on well in school.

*do

My close friend is on her mid 40's and her and her brother were very much brought up by their mum who was a 70's version of what people may call 'crunchy'. She was un-parented in that she had no rules from a young age. No rules, no curfews, not encouraged to study, play, tidy etc. Git herself to school from aged 8/9. She was loved though.

As a teenager she left home at 15. She put herself through college. Is actively different yo her mum. Is a tidy freak. Has distinct rules for her children. Her dcs are lovely. However so is she.

Two very different ways to parent but both turned out great. Who's what was/is 'right'?

I think the fact that there's love really is the main reason no matter what 'style'.

I think social media is the loud hailer for most of this perfectionism. I actually know people who lie about what they do with their kids and what they're kids have achieved. It's not healthy.

Yes Mrsdevere! This.

6?! MrsDeVere - that's impressive :) I have found yards that are more relaxed, shall we say, but you have to look carefully to avoid the bitchiness. It's a shame really.

Also I agree about the whole puppy thing Mrs DeVere. My first dog is 16 months and it's been most stressful. Not because of him, but the bullshit amount of interference an unwanted advice about a problem I'm not-having.

Gentle parents can be the nastiest bunch of women its all a bit SHOUTY of their gentleness its very odd

Tbh, it depends what you want them to learn doesn't it? I don't really want them growing up assuming that if someone shouts you do as they say...that way madness lies. I grew up in an authoritarian household where the biggest threat was "wait until your father gets home", and begging my mother not to tell him about whatever childhood misdemeanour I had committed. Not what I want for mine. Likewise, on the whole temper tantrums are a sign of being emotionally overwhelmed...not something that needs punishing IMO.

I don't really care when others do things differently as long as it doesn't impact me and mine. Maybe I'm lucky, we've never had to be 'traditional disciplinarians' yet both the kids are impeccably behaved when out and about. (Not so much at home eh) They've been out for meals with us etc since they were weeks old and know how to behave in places. But I am.well aware that part of that is just them, not down to us.

When you do things differently to the norm you see around you you do tend to feel got at by comments and assumptions, and I guess some overdo their defence of their choices.

I too agree that this gentle parenting has morphed into something really quite damaging.
I really do worry about parenting ATM. Most of seems so wrong to me. Not just this type, but many other styles of parenting. I fear we will look back at this era, and say 'seriously, what were the parents thinking'?

I think there is a balance to be found in between proper "crunchy" and the old fashioned "children should be seen and not heard, and I will let them scream until they throw up or go to sleep" case. Most of us I'm sure belong somewhere on this spectrum :P I have also seen these things... Oh my child doesn't have to cut his hair until he says he wants to (my child is 2,5 and can't speak yet, but I cut his hair!) or the ones who buy dresses for their boys because "they look cute". It's not for me personally, but I try not to judge them on it. I do however judge the "I am better than you because I do this". I also find it infuriating when people suggest they are better than others, because they spank their children or call them names, and ignore them when they cry, from birth. I wish we could just all be parents, and support each other doing what we believe is the best for our children. That's what it's about in the end, whether or not you agree with that particular idea.

Mine would runderstand riot if I were gentle. Gentle parenting works for even tempered children. I also have a problem with parents who take credit for their children's naturally calm.nature when they haven't done anything really. Their children behave anyway.I work a lot harder than these sorts of parents and unfortunately get fewer results. It's just the way it is. Life isn't fair.

Look up Sanctimommy on Facebook. The satire is so close to the bone sometimes it took me a while to realize it was satire.

Oblomov, do you reckon it's a class thing? Because around here (mainly workind class/lower middle class demographic), I am not hearing all this gentle parenting that people go on about. A little more shouting than I would ideally like (though not as much as 20 years ago), a little more slapping (but again, it seems to be toning down), but also quite a lot of firm sensible handling. These are mainly parents who insist on "please" and "thank you" (ta), at least in their younger offspring.

All very well but when your gentle or cuprunchy parenting means your child is badly behaved in public that's not good.

Have lost count of the amount of times I hear kids yelling, screaming, running riot with no one to tell them off or only doing it gently. Same in cafes and restaurants. Not all kids are like this but have seen a few doing things they shouldn't be (running/wandering etc) not NT and being either a nuisance or dangerous eg with waiting staff. Most places don't complain because they want to keep the business and not be getting into confrontations. I have known people who wait at an upmarket/artisan cafe/bar and said their heart sinks when a child runs riot.

The well behaved ones (and there are a balance) are held up as paragons of virtue but really they are a pleasure to be around!

Class etc doesn't differentiate either. And sometimes the parents have apalling manners now matter how posh/common etc they are.

My two year old seems to hate clothes and getting her dressed is hard work. Every morning, every nappy change, every bedtime is a fight. She hates wearing a coat especially and a few times recently she's been out with no coat on. I see the other children all bundled up and tbh I feel like shit about it. I worry that they are all judging me but honestly getting a coat on her is so hard. She screams, kicks and writhes about. In fact she does this about a lot of things. It isn't fun getting kicked and screamed at everyday. I feel like a rubbish parent sometimes but she has been like this since she was young, but it was easier to deal with when she was smaller. Now she can run away as I try to dress her so I have to chase her round the room and the kicking hurts. I do tell her off but it doesn't work for everything.

Something I have noticed with the hands off, gentle parenting style is that some of these parents are often holding it in. They're trying so hard to live up to the aspiration of gentle parenting that, when they finally do lose it, it's far more damaging. The kids quickly catch on, of course, and often goad for those entertaining explosions.

Might explain the nastiness on the GP sites: they're providing a vent for all that pressure.

Brigade = a word from the Dailyfail lexicon

Yeah, I was going to say this smacks of a Daily Mail article about the 'leftie brigade', which always has a load of strawmen characters made up for readers to rage about. We overheard someone in Islington complain there was no organic quinoa left in Waitrose! Doesn't that make you mad??!!!