To be sick of the perfect modern parent brigade!?

[Toofondofcake]

If I get a flaming here oh well but I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I'm sick of hearing other women/parents lecturing others on parenting techniques in a properly pretentious and judgey way. It always seems to be something like "we don't discipline, putting your child in timeout is abuse". Or "my child Star only wears gender neutral clothing as I won't impose society's gender constructs on them" or "clothes don't matters my 8 year old can wear whatever she likes".

I respect other people parent in very different ways but I can't stand seeing people preaching parenting lectures at others. I just want to scream " your DAUGHTER isn't spirited She's a bully! And letting her wear her dance leotard to the park isn't progressive and changing society, it's October and it's freezing and inappropriate".

Sorry for ranting. This is my scream into a pillow place.

They are only a nuisance when they disturb other people by letting their kids run riot. I really do feel sorry for the kids with no weather appropriate clothing: babies with sun in their eyes when the mums are wearing huge sunglasses, kids with a tshirt on when the mums are snuggled in big winter coats. Otherwise, they are highly entertaining, and so easy to wind up. Counter them by explaining loudly to your boys that pink and girly toys are for girls and see them get more and more annoyed. It's funny. Same thing than winding people up here, by adding a few "huns" to your post.

This is not new. My oldest is mid twenties. At mother and toddlers the dms all constantly talked about having their dcs checked for allergies if the had a cold.They pontificated about modern medicine and always gave advice about mad alternatives. I felt afraid to say l went to the chemist and totally never divulged that dh was in a medical profession.

They had theories about everything and were experts on child rearing. Did my head in.

Oh I get this. I am fed up of people telling me how to raise my child. I may have my own views on how they raise theirs such as neglecting to tell your child off when it kicked a rabbit but instead asking the child to imagine how the poor rabbit would feel but I sure as hell don't make comments about it.

Yes I may judge internally but I don't feel the need to make passive aggressive comments to these mums possibly being the straw that breaks the camels back.

Let me clarify ladies I'm certainly having a rant hear and I do hate being preached at by ladies who feel so strongly about their opinions that my own opinions seem invalid to them.

However! I'm not lecturing that all of their ways of doing things are wrong. I often find myself in groups with these women because we do share some common interests I just can't stand feeling talked down to or hearing them slate other parents for not doing things their way.

Also my friend put her in the cot to stop her from head butting the wardrobe... I think she was trying to act in her child's interest but I really don't want to make this thread all about that particular anecdote.

And Natalia! Yes that mummy would probably be welcomed into the groups in referring to, poor woman was probably at boiling point inside and dying to just tell them to pack in it or no chocolate for a month

Natalia that made me chuckle.

Once, long before I had kids, my DP and I were on a train in London. Opposite us there was a boy of about 3 with his feet on the seat.
Cue dad; 'Oscar, Oscar, can you see anyone else's feet on the seat?'
'Oscar, do you think it's a good idea to put your feet on the seat?'
And so on for at least five minutes, when a gentle 'feet off please' followered by a sharper request would have surely done it.
To this day when DH is namby pambying around with the kids I whisper 'Oscar, Oscar.'

To be fair OP it's easy to judge what others do, now I'm balls deep into having kids I take less notice of others. Who knows what they think of me, and who cares!

I think this idea of 'parenting' is a fairly modern phenomenon. When I had my DCs 20 years ago you did just that, you 'had children'. To a much larger extent than today you just got on with it.

Undoubtedly we all did it differently and there were fewer parenting gurus than there are today.

Now there are lots of books, television programmes plus MN (and the other place) all telling parents how they 'should' be doing it. Of course all the amateurs want to join in with the doling out of advice.

Also can I just point out that it is not only 'crunchy' parents who sometimes let their kids run riot. Plenty of other 'types' do this too and it is equally annoying regardless. But can we all just be a bit kinder? And accept that maybe nobody is perfect and everyone is just trying their best? Or maybe they are just having a shit day like everyone has sometimes?

Ironic that this started as a thread on how annoying it is when people lecture others about their parenting styles, and yet it is becoming full of judgey comments about other people's parenting. Pot. Kettle. Black.

Sometimes I wish mumsnet had a like button, so relieved that a lot of you ladies get it!

Can I just say something about inappropriate clothing.
My 2 year old will strip off to starkers if you try to put a coat or jumper on her. I try to layer her up bit she does get cold, but will only let me put a coat or jumper on her when she has already got cold!
I spend a lot of time brandishing a coat at her and loudly offering it every time someone looks in my direction! We have about 6 coats for her as I kept trying to find one she would wear.
I used to say coat or stay inside but that just punished both of us, and anyway I have school run to do.
I now go by the rule that if she's really cold shell out it on...

It's the Loud Negotiations that are the rage round here. Just bloody tell them.

Buttercup, sorry that you feel that way. I just needed to let off some steam.

I'm quite often described as crunchy myself so I'm certainly not labelling these ladies as all of a certain "type" which isn't the case. In a lot of cases I like these women's company. Their lecturing is just doing my head in right now. They always think they are right about it all and are never willing to discuss other ways of doing things and sometimes throw around words like "damaging" and "cruel" about things that aren't that at all.

Isn't this all just people trying to do the best they can? I don't really understand why it's funny to wind people up? Are they really lecturing you or just talking? Why does this people so much?

I don't know maybe I'm part of this group with my (genuine) enjoyment of home baking with my 3 yo, my planned craft activities, wearing a large coat while DD insists a t-shirt is fine and having a breastfed co-sleeping 18 mo. Oh and DD2s middle name is Persephone. Seriously.

I'm clearly a massive twat

And I don't think I'm perfect. Years of therapy and CBT for debilitating anxiety and PND tell me that. I'm just trying my best for my family. And I've clearly failed in my non gendering attempts as DD1 loves princesss, pink and sparkles and DD2 only really wants to play with dollies and tea sets.... They're both quite handy with toy hammers and helping DH with DIY on the other hand.

I say live and let live. Different strokes for different folks and all. Being a parent is hard enough without having to ruminate about whether you're being judged for every last comment and action.

Patio! Im waiting for my DD1 to go through a phase like this but I'm more talking about like pjs in the park or swimwear at playgroup. Kids are inclined to have opinions about what they wear but there's a time and a place for batman trunks - the swimming pool- haha.

No in all seriousness I'm not actually judging people who can't wrestle their kids into jeans and a top. I just get exasperated when some people make it out as if it's a parenting choice and they are being good parents by not enforcing the basics.

Crikey I'm not articulating myself well at all.

i know someone who is really annoying like this and it makes my blood boil.
Child is eight going on fifty and will sit at the table very nicely while commenting loudly on the rights and wrong of what other people choose off the menu. He protests if anyone should want to drink the devils brew 'coke'. Salt is very wrong and the waiter may or may not have delivered the food in the right order. Child will then have his attention drawn to other diners and using his outside voice will comment on their eating habits etc. And god forbid if someone should want wine with their food. Meanwhile mother sits there with a smug look and does not advise child to shut up before someone pours his still water over his rude pretentious head. These are just minor things I have described he really can be quite rude. There are family members who refuse to dine out with them. This is an intelligent child under the influence of a mother with Chanel pretentions and B and M bargain sense. Phew I feel better for that! .
Just as a side note if child is with us without mother he will ask for 'coke' and guzzle it like its a guilty secret .

I agree that sometimes people go over the top. And offer opinions and 'advice' when none has been asked for. People who have 100% unquestioning faith in a particular parenting 'philosophy' (god I hate that term) can get quite annoying especially when they try to force this on others.

But I just have a bit of a thing about inverse snobbery and people don't seem to realise when they're doing it and that it is just as bad as being a 'perfect parent'. To be fair OP most of these types of comments are coming from other people!

I think it depends where you live. I have never come across anyone like this.

Judging others on their children's clothing can sometimes backfire. We were in London one "summer" in a children's playground. We live in a hot country so while everyone else might have been in shorts and t-shirts, my kids were cold and in coats and jumpers. I was told by the local clothes police that my children would get heatstroke . I just thanked her for her advice and we continued with our day.

Thank god I don't know anyone like this. I really don't!

a lot of the stuff that winds me the fuck up is what i call middle class parenting - the constant negotiations, reasoning and explanations, bartering with your kids- just tell them, shoes on or I am leaving in 2 mins, and you can come barefoot or whatever. That is what is going to happen...

Not about everything obv, but the non-negotiables are things like 'hair and teeth brushing, being clean-ish/appropriately dressed for the conditions etc., realising that in an adult space (pub, restaurant) you behave differently to in a park (or we're going home- and you'll be babysat next time we go out..) and follow it THE FUCK THROUGH. don't follow your kids round, hand-wringing and pleading with them and making idle threats...DO IT.

I find the clothes thing pathetic. People moaning because there are diggers on a boys top and flowers on a girls top. It has always been like that. If you want to buy your boy a top with flowers on it or your girl a top with diggers on it then just do it! But just don't think you are somehow better than other people for doing this.

mrsdevere I have a new puppy. He's gorgeous. But I can categorically state that I am NOT enjoying him the way that I have all previous dogs I have had. I raised those dogs exactly as you describe and we got on great. But this was 15 years ago - my last puppy before this one - and I am really apprehensive about getting it wrong with this one. I get a lot of valuable advice in The Dog House but the constant talk of WHAT CAN GO WRONG WITH PUPPIES in there is really deflating and frightening. I agree very much with the rest of your post too.

www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/02/explaining-annette-lareau-or-why-parenting-style-ensures-inequality/253156/

Lareau's take on this is quite interesting I think?

MrsDeVere you are exactly right. And you will be pleased to know there is the same thing in gardening. I have an allotment and there will always be someone available to tell you that whatever it is you are doing you are doing it wrong!

Witt it's when it's all fb'd and showy offey I'm a cosleeper ebf er, but no-one would ever know unless they had reason to, and that would be basically no-one.

For me the smug ones are quite enjoyable, a steady nod of the head is what they need. It is the disingenuous ones that I find irritating. I had one on my FB recently:

"Just had Christabel's 18 month assessment with the HV today. She nearly fell off her chair when she asked her to build a tower and Christabel told her the colour, form and engineering structure of the said tower (she was reconstructing the Eiffel tower) This got me worried and made me feel that perhaps my child should be in a nursery, rather than spending time with me? "

To which of course there were a string of "you are such a good Mumma hun!"