To be sick of the perfect modern parent brigade!?

[Toofondofcake]

If I get a flaming here oh well but I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I'm sick of hearing other women/parents lecturing others on parenting techniques in a properly pretentious and judgey way. It always seems to be something like "we don't discipline, putting your child in timeout is abuse". Or "my child Star only wears gender neutral clothing as I won't impose society's gender constructs on them" or "clothes don't matters my 8 year old can wear whatever she likes".

I respect other people parent in very different ways but I can't stand seeing people preaching parenting lectures at others. I just want to scream " your DAUGHTER isn't spirited She's a bully! And letting her wear her dance leotard to the park isn't progressive and changing society, it's October and it's freezing and inappropriate".

Sorry for ranting. This is my scream into a pillow place.

Dream feed = waking the baby up for a feed before the parents go to sleep. Has been done since the beginning of time.

I thought a dream feed was a sleepy feed, so you didn't wake them up - that was how I did it with dd2. I am probably wrong though , I read the book about 16 years ago.

The thing with MNers criticising parenting labels is that many mners are highly intelligent and/or have probably benefitted from great parenting and family support themselves. Not everyone - but I am sure that data gathered for advertisers supports that general trend. I am not part of that camp and therefore like others I have had to use the books and "trends" to get through. My first child has undiagnosed special needs which only served to undermine my parenting confidence further and so with my first few children I used books and fads and was probably over defensive. I would have been torn apart if I had used MN when my first two children were babies and I wonder what impact that would have had.

I think that determinism to try and do better for our children is something to be encouraged rather than belittled or discouraged.

Yes, dream feeding didn't involve waking the baby up, apologies,
It's just something we did with both dc and which worked well.
Fortunately at the time there were no silly labels made up names for every single aspect of being a parent.

I don't see why it matters if there is a label, particularly if it helps less confident parents like myself.

sloth it matters because it's the type of "code" that's used by "those in the know" that makes those of us totally unfamiliar with having a baby feel like there's something we're not doing when in fact it's just "normal stuff" - as exemplified by Punk above.

I see this often at a certain central oxford park. you're not from jericho are you?!

Fair point legend. Although for me it wasn't normal stuff. It never would have entered my head to try and feed a baby in their sleep. To be honest it is something I only did with one of mine - I think - so either I am more inept than I assumed or it isn't natural.

I get why people don't feel the need for the labels, I just don't get the sense of irritation or even anger - or why it makes others feel attacked.

I don't think I have ever used the phrase baby led weaning myself - probably because I have used a mixture of methods. However I do go on a BLW course after baby number 4 ( I think ) and learned lots and felt much more confident. In particularly the idea that food before one was just for fun was reassuring. I was also relieved that I didn't need to batch cook purees and pulped up food anymore and so I could get rid of the Annabel Karmel books.

I love the episode of Modern Family with the waste disposal where Cam is trying out a new parenting technique

My MIL was told carrying her babies in slings would spoil them and bf on demand would distort their appetite and led to them overeating later in life.

Sanctimonious other parents have always been around and been twats.

In fact my DH's grandmother reckoned it was worse when more women were poorly educated - having a baby was the first thing (apart from cleaning and cooking) they could grab hold of and be the 'expert' on. Very intelligent, very bored women with no other outlet became insufferable when they became mothers.

Sound familiar?

Also consider what it was like for young women who'd been able to work and do watchman jobs during the war, being told after to stay at home, get married and have babies.

My grandmother went from being a firefighter (nighttime) and munitions worker (daytime) to home-skivvy and baby maker in a few years. It totally messed with her head. For my grandmother it made her a very distant parent, I'm guessing she probably resented the changes. But for others - well, I can well imagine there was lots of shitty competitive parenting going on then too.

The best thing to do is smike sweetly and do your own thing. I am not a comoetetively crap parent, im just not the king of parent i want to be (impatient and shouty).
Lets face it; it's the hardest job in the world and presses our buttons big time. I sometimes yearn for the 'good old days' when things were not so child centred and people weren't afraid to actually be in cgarge of their kids and discipline them. Kids do seem to rule the roost at home and in school ( ex teacher).
Im anti coroporal punishment. Im very pro a firm telling off as appropriate and ' because i said so! '.

Competetively... agggr!!

cathF. My mum's generation had a week in hospital after giving birth so they probably were more together. We're often kicked out within hours these days. Common sense would dictate we would need more rest on our return

MaQueen. You're father and grandparents should be ashamed that they let your mum cook tea hours after giving birth.

Youthecat Does your dd have additional needs?

Yep - but only discovered recently, and for years I had very little confidence in myself as a result. It has been very vindicating recently for teachers to tell me that they changed how they dealt with her and used my 'methods' and they actually worked much better. :)

So I guess the point is that massive truism - children are all different, and parents usually adapt their approach to what works best for them. That's not to say you can get stuck in a rut sometimes and benefit from the advice of strangers...

lily neither my Dad, or GPs were there when she cooked tea. She was genuinely fine doing it. Trust me, my Mum is martyr.

Seems funny to think of "total lockdown" as some kind of new-fangled approach; isn't that how it's done in many traditional countries, and indeed was done in this country in traditional rural societies by anyone who was at all able to manage it?

My modern and European parents brought me material to proof-read my latest article the day after I gave birth. My SILs Chinese parents were horrified when she wanted to go for a walk (actually leave the house!!!) a fortnight after giving birth. SIL, who has been corrupted by modern foreign ways, quietly ignored them.

Lucy, I'm glad that's worked out for you. A diagnosis can make a lot of difference.

I don't think "lockdown" is a new approach, I don't think many people do. Neither are slings, co sleeping etc

I'm a Shit parent. I don't do glitter or paint at home. I can't be arsed with paints. I don't think my kids are perfect. Sometimes I yell at them so loud their hair stands up on end. I have been known to allow haribo and McDonald's. I have threatened to dump them at an orphanage and made them cry. They are not the centre of the universe and they know it. I do quite like the little buggers sometimes. I know I can't be doing a bad job when they love Led Zeppelin.

Thanks You :)

Most parents are just trying to do their best. But watching the total gently ineffectual pleading with kids to stop doing something, can be infuriating. I remember a dad whose young 6 year old son was touching and playing with beautiful hand made notebooks in a shop. His dad was simply saying in a gentle pleading voice - x pleeaassee don't touch them. While x totally ignored him.