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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU you don't have to automatically share food gifts?

265 replies

MaddyHatter · 27/10/2016 20:46

Bit of a TAAT, but i want to tackle the idea that when you're given food as a gift.. chocolate, sweets...etc that there is this expectation that you should share them.

"I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else" was said on another thread as an example

Why?

I never have.. they were bought for me, why should i share them with anyone else?

Why is there this belief that food given to you as a present ought to be shared amongst the people in the house? Why does the fact that its food turn someone elses present into a fair game free for all?

OP posts:

FluffyFluffster · 29/10/2016 09:34

Brecon that was pretty much the point I was making based on comments from the OP...

BreconBeBuggered · 29/10/2016 09:44

I think we're reading different comments. It looked to me as though she was explaining that she had plenty of other goodies that she shared, as some posters were inferring a degree of overall meanness from the desire to eat/share her personal gifts when she chooses. I don't believe she tucks into boxes of Godiva chocolates while her guests make do with bread and jam.

FluffyFluffster · 29/10/2016 09:49

Tbh, I get a bit of a sense of righteous indignation (which I don't actually disagree with btw) from the OP that I can't really tell. Her opinion seems to be a bit of a blanket rule with no allowance that it's generally considered rude to eat in front of people... which was why I pointed it out.

ShelaghTurner · 29/10/2016 11:02

The point is that we don't take, we offer. Taking things isn't sharing. Offering is.

Perfectly summed up RhiWrites

PunkrockerGirl · 29/10/2016 19:55

Maddy I think you quoted me and I stand by what I said.
'Snaffling' chocolate or sweets upstairs and not sharing with the rest of the family smacks of being a greedy bastard, imo.
Each to their own, obviously

Original poster

MaddyHatter · 29/10/2016 20:11

yes, because its SO greedy to think you might actually be able to enjoy your birthday present without everyone else thinking they have an automatic right to some of it!

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 29/10/2016 21:02

I am not sharing my special chocolates with anyone. I might give the husband one though if I open them when they are in bed.

I have five children, they get so much, I share so much with them but sometimes if someone gives me something nice I want to keep it for myself. I'm not going to apologise for that, if someone buys me a gift just for me then it is up to me what I do with that gift.

I have taught my children that it is nice to share, however they are perfectly entitled to not want to share their special toy with their friends etc. I did always tell them that in that case it is always best to put it away and not play with the toy around the other person. Mine are all very generous and it has done them no harm to learn that they don't have to share everything.

I wouldn't open chocolates in front of the person who bought them and not offer them one, I would just open them at a later date. I totally agree with you OP.

nanatoob · 29/10/2016 21:20

Why would you not want to share them? Sharing is caring.

DixieWishbone · 29/10/2016 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meganorks · 29/10/2016 21:43

I have never given a gift expecting it to be shared. I have never received a gift and not shared it with my husband. But I would share posh chocs with the kids - what a bloody waste. Maybe when they are older.

PunkrockerGirl · 29/10/2016 22:05

Calm down Maddy
I said each to their own, obviously.
We share chocolate gifts in our family, that's the way it is.

If one of us has a box of chocolates given to us, we share it out.
If one of us took a box of chocolates upstairs without offering it round first, then yes, I'd find it greedy. Who wouldn't

Original poster

MaddyHatter · 29/10/2016 22:07

Those of us who think its bloody greedy to expect someone to share their birthday or christmas present with everyone else.

If you want some, buy your own.

OP posts:

Bridgetnoknickers · 29/10/2016 22:08

I write my name on food in our house so my dd and dp know to keep their hands off...

beautygal29 · 29/10/2016 22:12

I normally don't like sharing food but if given as a gift I would for two reasons. 1. I wouldn't like to be seen as rude/mean. 2. If I ate it all I'd probably be even fatter than I already am so would actually welcome people to save me from myself!

Original poster

MaddyHatter · 29/10/2016 22:19

Its people EXPECTING YOU to share something given to you by someone else, simply because its food... and thinking you're greedy/rude if you choose not to.

As yet, no-one has actually managed to give me a decent answer as to why food in particular, is viewed as being fair game for everyone to help themselves to, rather than being the sole propery of the person its given to.

I don't buy someone a coat and then demand they let me wear it.
I don't buy someone a computer, and then take it home to use.
I don't buy people flowers, and then take half of them with me.
I don't buy my mum showergel, then take a shower and use it.
I don't buy my kids toys, then tell them they have to let me play with it.

Why is it ok to do it with food?

OP posts:

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 29/10/2016 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 29/10/2016 22:50

Completely agree OP. I hate sharing food. Always have done, always will. I do believe mine stems from being starved in early childhood.

DH likes to pretend to steal something I've got on a plate, it drives me mad and I really had to blow up at him once about it as I told him time and time again that I didn't like it when he pretended to take something and look all innocent about it, there was always more of it in the kitchen and he didn't want it anyway.

I only give up food if I have had enough or if it's chocolates in a present that I don't like. I don't eat them in front of the DCs, that would be mean but I only eat 3 meals during the day anyway, I never snack in the day. When I'm sat down of an evening with a cup of tea, then I'll snack and DCs are in bed. DCs don't miss out. They have their own treat jars and there is plenty of stuff they like in the cupboards.

I don't believe in forcing a child to share either. DS doesn't share and I don't care, DD does naturally and will give you her last sweet and insist on giving us all a sweet out of her tiny pack. Toys when a friend comes over, yes share that unless it's something particularly special then it goes away before, scooter in a park, nope, no sharing there.

I buy my nan chocolates and she gets stuff from other people. She will insist on sharing it with everyone and telling people to help themselves. I bet she doesn't get much of it herself by the time she gives it out to everyone, even her favourites. I can't get my head around it tbh. I'd rather she had them for herself.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 29/10/2016 22:53

bridget me too. There is a massive bar a galaxy in my fridge, with my name on (was a birthday present). There is another bar in the cupboard should anyone else want some. I did give DH 4 squares last night. That was the best I could do .

I also write the DCs names on their easter eggs and Christmas chocolates. They are theirs and I wouldn't dream of eating it.

6o6o842 · 29/10/2016 23:31

We share gifts in our house. Obviously there are some gifts that not everyone would be interested in - eg, if DH gives me perfume the kids would not ask to use it, but if they wanted to I would let them. Equally, they happily share their gifts - computer games, books, scooters etc - with me, if I so desire! If food is received as a gift it goes into the kitchen and is shared - sharing food is a lovely, connecting social experience (we're Catholic so 'breaking bread' is an important ritual). The gift receiver gets to decide when the food is brought out and and shared, but it's never squirrelled away and not shared. We've never considered doing it any differently

blissfullyaware · 30/10/2016 00:06

Not time to read all the posts but get the gist. If I get a gift e.g. chocolate, I can expect it to be gone in a day. Usually husband will steal it. Unless I hide it properly.

My daughter is a magpie and will take anything shiny. Or sweet. My son has no need for things like that or my stuff so usually blame less. I can never buy biscuits for babysitter as will be gone in a flash.

Nothing truly belongs to me but I keep standing up for myself and stating my claim - no one listens ,no one cares ( much) ,but I will never give up the fight

blissfullyaware · 30/10/2016 00:11

Ps I have tried to instill manners, respect and sharing in our house from day one. I live a life of constantly being overruled whilst chaos ensues. I will die trying

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 30/10/2016 00:16

Just another thought. I made something for DP for Valentines one year, not food, but a gift created and given with love. His DD liked it and asked if she could have it. He said yes and gave it to her. I was bloody pissed off, I'd spent hours making it for HIM and he'd thought it was a lovely kind thing to do to give it away. Sometimes sharing isn't caring to the person who gave you the gift.

If I give someone a box of chocolates and they open it and share it around I'd assume that they weren't that fussed about it, either because they don't really like that type or because they get so many of them that it wasn't special. Either way I'd rather they kept them and ate them on their own, maybe offering a couple around but not just making it a free for all amongst a large group and hardly getting any for themselves.

Remember the song...Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day you gave it away.

maninawomansworld01 · 30/10/2016 00:17

If you get chocolate and don't want to share then don't open the box. Just say something along the lines of 'pooh thanks they look great I'll eat them later when I'm hungry' and then just put them away somewhere to be eaten by you alone later on.

If the seal isn't broken then you won't get people asking for / expecting one.

In our house sharing is not enforced. Your things are just that - yours and yours alone. Of course if one child doesn't want to share then they soon learn that others will be less inclined to share with them so it does seem to work itself out.

Shitonyoursofa · 30/10/2016 00:33

Only me and DH here, I've been given chocolates a few times at work and brought them home, and I do share them, but he either waits til I've opened them, or asks if I mind if he opens them and has some. He usually ends up eating more of them than me, but there is always recognition that they are 'mine', he would never just dive into them.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/10/2016 00:38

I don't share food often and certainly not if I feel there is an expectation for me to do so. It certainly doesn't 'enhance' the enjoyment. On the plus side I don't expect anyone to share with me

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