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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU you don't have to automatically share food gifts?

265 replies

MaddyHatter · 27/10/2016 20:46

Bit of a TAAT, but i want to tackle the idea that when you're given food as a gift.. chocolate, sweets...etc that there is this expectation that you should share them.

"I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else" was said on another thread as an example

Why?

I never have.. they were bought for me, why should i share them with anyone else?

Why is there this belief that food given to you as a present ought to be shared amongst the people in the house? Why does the fact that its food turn someone elses present into a fair game free for all?

OP posts:
Deux · 28/10/2016 17:01

5moreminutes - firstly . Secondly, the little winky face was to indicate light-hearted/joke. Thirdly

5moreminutes · 28/10/2016 17:02

Ozzie that exact thing was posted a bit further down - I suspect if taking food is becoming a problem at uni it is more because 18 year olds today have been so tightly controlled and babied by a parent compared to a couple of decades ago and go a bit crazy when mummy or daddy is no longer looking over their shoulder.

Children and adults know normally that things in their own kitchen at home are not the same as flat mates/ hall mates/ strangers things! Sharing chocolates with your kids doesn't turn them into thieves.

Pancakeflipper · 28/10/2016 17:15

We share chocolate and treats in our house. I was brought up that way and I don't find it weird. All chocs went into the cupboard at my parents and brought out when we were all together. No-one was ever possessive over it.

I would think it rude if DH sat eating his box of Hotel Chocolat on the settee next to me without offering me one. I'd be rather huffy about it.

We all have favourites, they all know that orange creams are for me only. I don't touch any nougat stuff as DP loves that. DS2 is dairy-free so he gets 1st dibs on ones he can eat and DS1 will hoover up anything.

Artandco · 28/10/2016 17:15

Exactly. We have food lying anywhere at home, fruit in bowls, nuts and chocolates in dishes. Free access to fridge. Our children can help themselves although most the time they ask first checking when meal is 'ie how long until dinner as I might have a banana if it's 2 hrs away'. But nothing is restricted. No his or hers food, no children's or adults only. Food is food. Because of this they can see bowls of chocolate and berries on the side all week and completely ignore if they don't want any, as they don't feel they have to eat it there and then.
At friends they would ask first

madein1995 · 28/10/2016 17:35

Agree that in this house, food is food. None od this 'its mams'. Its for communal use, right in a family home as we are a family. Very different to ubi house

haveacupoftea · 28/10/2016 17:42

I practically have to wrestle DP for food in this house, even if it was gifted to me Angry

IamWendy · 28/10/2016 17:49

Food is only foof if its for the purpose of nourishing the family and preventing hunger. Gift wrapped expensive artisan nougat with gold flecks given to me on my birthday is not FOOD! It's edible art, and it's mine.

IamWendy · 28/10/2016 17:50

Why is FOOF in my autocorrect!? Been on mn too long...

BrieAndChilli · 28/10/2016 17:52

We share, but not in a it's in the cupboard and I'll eat it way but in a I've been given a box of chocs which I am now opening and who wants one way.
Kids get choc at xmas but they all get the same so don't need to share, if they get a party bag of sweets they don't have to share but will give thier sibling a bit to be nice as they know they will get some when their sibling gets a party bag.

YouTheCat · 28/10/2016 17:59

It must be pretty shit to live in a household where others' ideas of sharing means them devouring all of someone else's birthday present and calling you mean if you say you aren't happy about it.

And people who take other people's gifts without waiting to be asked (or at the very least, asking first) are utter scumbags.

I always get croissants in when it's my birthday. These days I get enough for everyone but when I was house sharing as a student, I bought two for me and put them on my shelf. I got up the next morning (my birthday) to find one of my shitty housemates had eaten them. I was absolutely livid. I bet he's the kind of person who nicks his wife's chocolates these days.

Pancakeflipper · 28/10/2016 18:01

BrieAndChilli - are you on the gin? Grin

exLtEveDallas · 28/10/2016 18:12

Pancake, I'm confused Confused

Doesn't this: I would think it rude if DH sat eating his box of Hotel Chocolat on the settee next to me without offering me one I'd be rather huffy about it

Contradict this: We all have favourites, they all know that orange creams are for me only

huh?

Original poster
MaddyHatter · 28/10/2016 18:18

hmm.. that does seems a bit "what's yours is mine, what's mine is my own"

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 28/10/2016 18:20

I am being lighthearted (forgive me MN).

But we do know each others fav chocs and we are happy enough to let the person who really likes that particular one have first refusal. It is a sign of great love when I let my DS1 have an orange cream ( light hearted again)

GoldenBlue · 28/10/2016 20:19

Fabfive, you enjoy sharing. You expect others to share too as 'a courtesy'. But it is there gift and it is really rude to expect them to give you some of their present. They may not get a happy buzz about sharing in the same way you do.

I like to shared but would be really peed off at the expectation that I must share. It is not a courtesy it is a personal choice, you have no right to expect. I find the expectation selfish and rude.

As for the expectation that someone share the most intimate and personal day with others is also a bit odd. Fine if someone wants to share but surely the only people that matter on a wedding day are the bride and groom?

JustWoman · 28/10/2016 22:44

I think my friend is a selfish food hoarder, as when she at mine yesterday I had given my friend her birthday present, her favourite posh chocolates, she just said thank you and put them in her bag. I assumed she'd open them and give me some, but she took them home unopened. It's so rude.
I still can't believe she didn't open her chocolates and give me some, I'm thinking she' doesn't value me or care about my feelings. AIBU?

I think that's the type of thing OP means, and I genuinely can't see how what the reciever did in this scenario is rude and selfish.

FabFiveFreddie · 29/10/2016 01:07

I think this is one of those situations where either you see it or you don't. And let's face it, nothing to get knickers in a twist about 😀

It's actually not about the thing itself (as op says, if you really like the chocs you can go and buy some for yourself). It's about thinking of others. I want my loved ones to enjoy themselves more than I want to eat chocolate. That's the sum of it, really.

FluffyFluffster · 29/10/2016 02:18

It's not rude or selfish not to share a food gift however I think it is rude to eat in front of people and not offer them any (except when out in public or whatever).

You say there are plenty of treats to share with guests and that's lovely but if you then go and pull out the naice chocolate to eat in front of them without offering any then it's a bit off.

RhiWrites · 29/10/2016 04:51

I don't hide food in my bedroom. My partner and I each keep things we bought in the living room. Neither of us would dream of taking the other's without asking but if we're having one and the other partner is there we usually offer.

I'm not a huge fan of sweet things but I like them to be super nice so mine are more likely to be dark chocolate covered nougat. He likes sweet things more often and will slowly eat his way through a packet of chocolate covered biscuits which I usually can't be bothered about.

The point is that we don't take, we offer. Taking things isn't sharing. Offering is.

And neither of us would expect to get half of the other's preferred treats. Or the last rollo.

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 29/10/2016 05:40

I share mine. I have a lot of fond childhood memories of my mum receiving chocolates (sometimes from us Blush but sometimes from friends or work) and us all huddling round taking turns to choose one until either we felt sick or the box was done. Now I'm the mummy and I love sharing with DH and DD. I wouldn't ask DC to share theirs though. They can share when they're the mummy.

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 29/10/2016 05:43

Oh but no - I wouldn't think a friend was rude for not opening a food gift to share with me! That's hers to take home and share with the kids

MimiLeBonk · 29/10/2016 06:31

I'm with Rolypoly, when you are small you should get to keep your chocolates and not be forced to politely hand them round a cluck of old Aunties and Great Aunts (and boy I had a lot of them) who used to take all the best and favourite ones while patting me on the head saying at least I wouldn't get fat. Every bloody birthday and Christmas this would happen and I'd get my mum and gran telling me to be a good girl and share them out, then there would be the requirement to share the remainder with my sibling. Angry I'm sure it's caused me to be a bit weird in later life. My DD will have her very own to be consumed at her leisure.

NavyandWhite · 29/10/2016 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsA2015 · 29/10/2016 08:59

This thread isn't about sharing in general or making your children share!

I'm with you OP on this, I get "you've eaten it all!" when I've finished MY bar of chocolate bought FOR ME when there's other bars of generic chocolate in the same cupboard. also the assumption on you have to share everything with children because "they've seen it now" argh

BreconBeBuggered · 29/10/2016 09:06

You say there are plenty of treats to share with guests and that's lovely but if you then go and pull out the naice chocolate to eat in front of them without offering any then it's a bit off.

Well, yes, it would be, but who does that?