AIBU you don't have to automatically share food gifts?

[MaddyHatter]

Bit of a TAAT, but i want to tackle the idea that when you're given food as a gift.. chocolate, sweets...etc that there is this expectation that you should share them.

"I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else" was said on another thread as an example

Why?

I never have.. they were bought for me, why should i share them with anyone else?

Why is there this belief that food given to you as a present ought to be shared amongst the people in the house? Why does the fact that its food turn someone elses present into a fair game free for all?

Any chocolate I'm given is mine. Nobody is allowed to share it unless I'm feeling particularly generous i never am Everything else is fair game.

Gifts are given to one person and that person decides what happens to them. If the receiver wants to share that's very nice of them, if they don't then that's their prerogative.

Really, this thread is an eye opener

Am now realising MN is full of people who hide fancy chocolates under the bed so they don't have to share.

Don't know anyone like this in real life, one of those parallel universe moments!

If I take someone a fancy food gift, I would not expect them to share it with me, or be irritated if they went upstairs to hide it under the bed.... I would be amused I think. Not cross.

But I can't say I know anyone like that in resl life

If I'm given chocolates for Christmas, I'm going to open them, then sit there and eat them all myself in front of the rest of my family. Not!

Is this really what you do op?

FeedMe doesn't share food.

Fakename - If I'm given chocolates for Christmas, I'm going to open them, then sit there and eat them all myself in front of the rest of my family. Not! Is this really what you do op?

I wouldn't open them in front of family if I didn't intend to offer them JUST ONE share them. I would save them for an evening when I was on my own, then settle down with a cup of tea and my favourite TV shows and enjoy them. If I came to open them and found that some bugger had beaten me to it I'd shove the remaining Turkish delight one up their nostril.

I get very few luxuries just to myself. I work hard, am single mum to 3 dcs and my DP has two more so my house can be a bit busy on a weekend. If I had to share everything 7 ways I'd feel very resentful.

DP is a right sharer, gets on my tits sometimes! He loves sharing food and he lets the kids use his phone or his iPad to play games. I like my stuff free of sticky fingerprints and cracked screens so I tend to keep it out of the way.

As for food, my dcs are all like me, prefer their food uncontaminated by other people. They are expected to offer a polite one or two of any sweets or treats they may have, but if it's a bar or just a small pack of something then no, I don't see why they should share. Nobody goes without so no reason everyone can't just enjoy their own stuff.

DP bought me a Boost the other evening. He then asked if he could have half of it. Next day he told me 'someone' had eaten all of my Boost and he'd buy me another one.

He once told his DD to try something from my dinner plate in a restaurant to see if she liked it. I told her it was a bit spicy and she wouldn't like it

All you chronic sharers might think we are selfish but you are annoying to those of us who value our little tiny piece of occasional luxury. I wonder if it's those who feel like they give the most emotionally who hoard treats like this and wouldn't dream of stealing other people's chocolate as they feel how much it means to them?

S1lent - DH throwing special chocolates down his neck as if they are bog standard cheapo ones and not appreciating them = also not fine!

Yes, this! My xh used to moan that I spent too much on a bottle o posh orange juice. It was my one little indulgence and he insisted he couldn't tell the difference between freshly squeezed and value OJ. I would pour myself a little glass and sip it, savouring every zesty mouthful and then he'd come along and pour a pint of it, chug it down his neck and go "nope, can't see why it's so expensive" as I watched in horror!

When DP visits he will sometimes bring me posh juice as little treat, love him. then drink it, the bastard!

No one should be forced to share chocolate. It should be a crime to force sharing of any kind of chocolate. goes to check stash

As a teacher, I get a lot of chocolate at Christmas. It is shared with the DH. If I buy him a selection box, he eats all of it. Equally, if I'm given something specifically for me, I eat it. Luckily, we like different spirits, because I'd be pissed off if he drank mine and vice versa. If we buy a packet of something to share (M&Ms etc) we split it into 2 bowls. Saying that, back when we smoked, he'd give me his last fag.

Artandco Because is it not weird eating a nice chocolate and not offering anyone else one? No, it's not weird at all. When dh and ds decide that they want to share the washing up, they can share my chocolates. Until then, they can poke off.

Ds has been trained from birth not to come between me and my chocolate..he is now 21 and has learned his lesson well.

Scary - see we do share that also. Dh does half of all chores around the home and both children help as far as suitable for their age.

We are food sharers completely. Quiet often Dh and I order different meals then share from our plates so we both get both meals. we often all try each other's food if eating out.

Again, chocolate is chocolate here. We don't keep chocolate or biscuits etc at home on a daily basis, so anything bought for an occasion is usually of good quality and is fair game to anyone. Nobody would ever just snaffle a whole box though. Even from toddlers they would happily take one chocolate from a box and then can leave the box right in front of everyone for days before someone might take another.

Its just common courtesy to be polite and offer. Byt then im not overly possessove - if i get perfume and someone wants a squirt, fine. No need to eat a whole box to yourself, selfish actually. Families share things. Its food, not something costing a millionbquid ... In this house, food toiletries are communal as is right, were a family. I was taught from toddlerhood to share my things, from this thread some people are rude and seldish

It's not obligatory not to, but if we are talking adults not sharing a box of Maltesers (or Hotel Chocolat, or whatever) maybe with their kids, then it's a bit weird and ever so slightly petulant. Its like a 3 years old not wnanting to share his easter egg.

I'm just trying to envisage me receiving a box of chocs and either eating them in secret, or even worse, in front of my kids, or worse still telling my kids that no, these are mine and I'm not going to share.

Remembering when my Mum would be given posh chocolates when I was little, she'd always share them, because , well, in our family, that's what you do.

We've never been a family though that has lots of chocolate, sweets etc lying around- so I wonder if that's why. If anything like that comes into the house, it is special, but its special for all of us. Because thats nice. Part of the social life of being a family.

I think having rules like that about sweets and stuff makes for problems tbh. Refusing to share your milk tray with the kids is far more likely to have them sneaking down at midnight and robbing them anyway. People have enough issues with food these days (especially unhealthy food) without creating issues where there doesn't need to be one. We all know that the more you tell someone they can't, the more they want to. Probably the same with the food gifts.

I did have a friend thinking about it, who at college used to sit with a massive box of chocolates in our communal kitchen and help herself to 4 a day. Never offered. She turned out to have a massive binge eating thing though.

I cannot conceive of receiving a box of chocolates and not sharing them with my family.

Hiding chocolate in your room? Not passing round a box? Way to model selfishness, greed and gluttony!

OP- do you have children?

I can see sort of why you might think what you do is normal if you don't.

Part of being a parent is handing over the last rolo I think. And handing it over without turning yourself into a victim for doing it.

It's definitely not on to buy chocolates as a present for someone, then expect them to allow everybody else to dig in. As children if we had lollies we were expected to offer one to any child we played with at the time, but not the whole lot (probably because we could not afford many).

If you give a present but then expect that person to share with everybody else, then it isn't a present to that particular person but to the whole group that is currently there, including yourself. We used to call them Indian givers ( because we had read of some tribe/s in N.A. who, when they gave gifts, expected one in return).

In our family presents given were for that particular person. We usually received one present each at birthday time from our mum and gran, plus money sent from dad. At Xmas we received a present from two maternal uncles which was chocolate in a box with a game on the back and a book each. From paternal side a single present sent from Dad and a small present from his sister. From mum and gran we received an apple, orange, some nuts, a comic album each (I had Beano, sister had Dandy) plus a present each.

While we always read each others books/album it was always done with permission from each other. We never played with each others presents unless it was a game. I never remember any adult telling us too, it was just expected. As for stealing another persons chocolates that would have been a heinous crime. We used to get the occasional Mars bar and one would measure it and cut it in half while the other got first pick.

I think it comes down to respect. (def: due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others).

I'm a choccie sharer normally, but my DP is quite greedy and will grab more than his fair share.
I split a chocolate bar in half a few days ago and he was really miffed! He's so bloody used to just snaffling the lion's share.
I often hide my treats from him now.

No sharing! I have 5 kids and at Christmas their chocolate is their chocolate, mine is mine. They sometimes swap with each other if there's one they're not fond of, but apart from that they don't have to share, they all have their own.

They share at other times, it's not like they never ever do and are selfish. They just know their presents are their presents.

If I was with a friend who'd bought me chocs for my birthday I would offer them one when I opened the packet.

DH's chocs/sweets usually get shared out as he doesn't have a sweet tooth. DS2s favourite ploy is to buy DH liquorice all sorts because only the 2 of them like them so he knows he'll share with him.

I agree with that context vixen- because they all have some. Also with kingsize and her dh! (luckily I have one who'd prefer lettuce to chocolate- weirdo)

I think that most people share treat food rather than just eating it on their own. So it's not wrong to eat a box of chocs that's been given you, but most people would just automatically share it with other householders just because it would feel weird to eat that kind of food alone.

I would never make DD share a food/chocolate gift. If something is given as a gift it is up to the recipient to decide what they want to do with it. If she offers, then quite often I'll say "no, it's yours love, enjoy it". I rarely have chocolate myself, but I do have a thing for Mint Matchmakers. I'd be gutted if I had to share them

We always have 'family' treats in the house, stuff we share, stuff we like that others don't, stuff that is fair game for everyone, visitors and all.

I get pissed off with DH who wants to 'try' everything. For eg I'll ask him if he wants a packet of crisps, he'll say no, then when I am happily scoffing mine he will want one/some to 'try' and get shirty if I say no.

If DD bought me jewellery for Xmas I'd say no if my mother wanted to wear it. If DH bought me a pair of silky knickers I'd hardly offer them up to DD to wear to school. Same goes for any food items.

Isn't it just that sharing is, you know, nice?

OP, it sounds to me like you are pissed off with your DH for giving you stuff and then devouring the lot. That is rude and selfish.

But I get more pleasure out of sharing things with the people I love than I would out of having them all to myself.

Sounds to me like YA both BU...

I have a box of my naice chocolates out on the side since December. Nobody has taken any, and I have an occasional one on my own -in the bath- and that's perfectly fine with everyone.
We each have a treat box, nobody takes anything from another treat box.
We also have communal treats that are fair game but usually eaten together.

I'm with you all the way OP!

My in laws always alway give me a box of chocolates when they come to see us. My FIL then spends the entire time mentioning my chocolate... "oh Brie, don't forget those chocolates will you?"

No I fucking won't!! I'm remembering them every minute I'm counting down till you leave and I can eat them all alone.