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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To drink wine in the park?

284 replies

FlapsTie · 27/10/2016 16:02

We've walked two miles to the good park. We stopped at the shop to buy the essentials (milk, water and wine). I have cups with me so the kids can have a drink. They've been in the park for an hour and we have another hour to go before DH picks us up.

Just how bad would it be to pour myself a glass of vino? I am bored shitless. Will everybody judge me and will I be an awful parent?

If it matters, the wine is still nice and cold. Although the plastic cup may mar the taste somewhat. I'm sitting outside the actual play park with the dog.

AIBU? Would you?

OP posts:
StrongTeaHotShower · 29/10/2016 16:32

How you doing Flaps?

Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 16:40

Good thanks. Feeling very positive still. I did drink (with DH) last night, kind of as a last hurrah. I'm feeling very energised to put it behind me.

My ideal scenario would be to kick it completely and then have the occasional blow out with DH, it's something we've always done and I would miss it if it never happened.

I have my assessment on Monday and will take whatever help they offer.

Today is the first day of a new me.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 16:41

I'm definitely doing at least this month completely dry before I even think about having another drinking night by the way.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 16:41

I mean November! Not this month, that would be slightly pointless...

OP posts:
dontsufferfools · 29/10/2016 16:53

Do you think its a good idea to drink at all?

You drank last night with your DH despite knowing you have an issue?

I know how hard it is to quit and it has to be gradual but is the idea to try and start with the assumption that you can continue to drink occassionally?

Countless times my alcoholic exh would say " I'll stop and only drink on special occassions." And he never ever did. He never really stopped.

If you have a drink problem you need to stop. Forever. Otherwise it will always be a problem.

I wish you all the luck in the world but this isnt a part time problem.

exWifebeginsat40 · 29/10/2016 17:04

hey OP, I'm mental too. and also a raging alcoholic - it cost me everything and nearly killed me. I'm 2 and a half years sober and I want you to know and believe you can do this too. you are worth saving.

and I say this as someone who had to drink mouthwash in the morning to even be able to barely function. AA worked for me - not immediately but I just kept going to meetings and it clicked. some days it's still really hard going but the rewards of sobriety are huge.

you're worth saving OP. you deserve a better life. honestly.

ashtrayheart · 29/10/2016 17:10

Hey flapstie.
I'm very newly recovered, this is day 29 for me. But I was drinking in excess of 100 units a week, after a particularly heavy night I was drinking in the morning to take the edge off the hangover. I referred myself to SMART who helped me to start thinking about my drinking. But what has really been the lightbulb for me was 'addictive voice recognition technique' - if you google it there is a website and a book. You don't have to subscribe to everything - it's quite radical but if the AA doesn't appeal it may be for you. Start off by saying to yourself 'I can never drink alcohol again' - the voice that talks back to this statement is your addictive voice.
Good luck - I feel free and you could too x

AGruffaloCrumble · 29/10/2016 17:10

I don't think your husband is helping by drinking with you. Surely he should quit (at least in the house) as a sign of solidarity. I grew up in a family of alcoholics exactly like you. They haven't given up and never will because they all enable each other by drinking together.

ashtrayheart · 29/10/2016 17:13

Oh and a website called soberrecovery (sorry no idea about links)

Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 17:13

He can take or leave alcohol. He's not going to drink from now on.

I know that I really should be thinking about total abstinence, and I'm sure that's what the service is going to be about, but I'm in a little bubble of self delusion still that my enjoyable and appropriate tipsy nights with DH can still happen. I do know that I probably can't have that though without having the lunchtime on a Wednesday on my own sessions and the hiding extra bottles to top up nonsense. It's all part of the same spectrum.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 17:14

Thanks for the recommendations, I'll have a look now.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 29/10/2016 17:17

My dp still drinks, he won't give up and I won't ask him to. He has cut back to 3 nights off pw though (we can't both do this, only works for him as I am abstinent) . My mantra of abstinence is easier than moderation is true- if moderation worked for us alcoholics it would have worked already.

Legogo · 29/10/2016 18:57

Hi flaps. You are immensely brave. I am so glad you are going to get help.

I suffered a very, very significant trauma as a child. Following this, I had to live with my mum becoming an alcoholic. It was horrific. As an adult, I still have vivid memories of the effect her alcoholism had. The things she said and did. The smell. The waking up KNOWING she had already been drinking at 9am.

When they are older, your kids will thank you and be proud of you for getting help. They need you to as much as you need it. My mum got help and it changed our lives forever.

Sending you love and strength.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 21:03

I'm not brave. I'm a fucking mess. DH is out tonight working and I ran out of fags so I found his wallet (he'd hidden it) and walked the two miles to the shop to buy fags. And of course wine. I mean, why not? It was on offer! It's Saturday! It's fine to drink at the weekends!

I left ds1 (teenager) in charge of 5yo ds2 and bartered with him that I'd do his washing up, which I have, if he babysat.

I've sunk the bottle. It's just pathetic. I mean, who walks 4 miles in the dark and swaps chores with a 14yo just to have a drink?

Fortunately ds2 is asleep and DD is at a friend's, ds1 won't come down this evening. But I'm still the only adult in the house and I've done a bottle of wine in a hour.

Fucking hate myself.

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 29/10/2016 21:12

Ah flaps. Have you ever done a residential detox? Or a home detox with Antabuse or anything?

Haggisfish · 29/10/2016 21:13

Don't hate yourself. It's an illness. A shit one.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 29/10/2016 21:21

Fear not Flappy. You honestly can have a lovely life (a much lovelier life infact) without booze. Just got to find your route back there, but you know it can be done.

Lilaclily · 29/10/2016 21:23

Flaps don't give up,you need help, you've made the first step and asked for it, things will look better tomorrow they always do xxx Flowers I'm in awe of you and what you're going through

Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 21:26

I think I do need a proper detox. I'll ask about it on Monday.

I always go through this whole process of thinking 'lovely lovely glass of wine, makes everything better' and then either getting shitfaced or finishing the bottle and then concocting schemes to get more. I've considered walking back to the shop.

I can't go on like this I'm destroying everything. DH works really hard and earns a shitload and I just sit and home and drink all his had work away. This is my seventh bottle this week.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 29/10/2016 21:33

No point hating yourself - it achieves nothing, as you know very well. You are such a strong girlie, you can totes sort this out :)

bibbitybobbityyhat · 29/10/2016 21:35

You need to change stuff in your life. Should you move away from/see less of your parents and extended family?

Gyderlily · 29/10/2016 21:43

Absolutely drink the wine... I've done the same when I'd bought some ready made G&T cans for a future event then stopped at park on the way home , kept them hidden in the back pocket of the pushchair between swigs! Grin made my park hour far more enjoyable

Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 21:45

Thanks Bibs. I've already made a lot of changes regarding family and now only see them infrequently and on my terms. Generally my mh is vastly improved, I just can't seem to kick the habit. I'm either depressed, so I drink to feel better, or manic(like now), so I drink because it's a great idea or to bring me down.

I need to unpick it all properly and learn how to stop. My main issue is my impulses are so hard to ignore. Even though I know they might be stupid, it's like a clanging bell in my head until I do it. Not just drinking but everything, huge walks, buying stuff, messaging old friends on FB (totally inappropriately), self harming, rearranging the house, signing up for things. It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
dontsufferfools · 29/10/2016 21:46

Whats changed since your positive attitude earlier?

I guess these are the struggles you have to overcome. You know what you are doing and you know its wrong.

This is why you wont be able to be a part time drinker.

Good luck. You can do it.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 29/10/2016 21:49

I genuinely thought I was walking to the shop for fags. And then as soon as I got there I was all 'ohh but the wine I like is on offer' and bought it. It was obviously there in my head the whole time.

It feels like a compulsion? Not sure how to describe it. It's so weird because I know have a lot of insight into my mh and alcohol issues, but that still doesn't mean I can stop doing stupid shit.

OP posts: