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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To drink wine in the park?

284 replies

FlapsTie · 27/10/2016 16:02

We've walked two miles to the good park. We stopped at the shop to buy the essentials (milk, water and wine). I have cups with me so the kids can have a drink. They've been in the park for an hour and we have another hour to go before DH picks us up.

Just how bad would it be to pour myself a glass of vino? I am bored shitless. Will everybody judge me and will I be an awful parent?

If it matters, the wine is still nice and cold. Although the plastic cup may mar the taste somewhat. I'm sitting outside the actual play park with the dog.

AIBU? Would you?

OP posts:
hungryhippo90 · 31/10/2016 02:55

Hi OP, I only read the first post, and flicked through a few pages, it reads as though you may be trying to quit drinking. It is possible!
Do engage with all the local addiction services, see what they all offer. My father does quite a bit of work with people who have addictions to all sorts (he's an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in 14 years and 3 months) he started off with others who gave issues with drink, but in the past five years or so has worked with just about anyone who uses any type of substance, and he now runs workshops for people, that help those struggling with unhealthy relationships with anything, which helps people to cope with boredom, stressful situations etc in healthier ways... I know that this isn't unique to the centres that he works with, something like that could be great for you.

I had a brief look at the packs he created, in hope it would help me sort out the way I use food in my life. I can see why it's so helpful.

Please do try your hardest to sort this, before it gets really, really out of hand.

As an aside note, what about AA? I'm not sure if you are a full time drinker or more of a binger, but I do know someone who is 9 years sober with the help of AA, and he was a binge drinker... good luck to you X

hungryhippo90 · 31/10/2016 03:26

Gosh, I just went back and read the thread. I am in tears for you here (yep, I'm a soppy so and so!)
You really are struggling, and can I say that many, many people who do have addiction issues are often self regulating. Or trying to? My Dad is also Bipolar, I mentioned him in the above post...
It may be easy for me to say (but I promise you that I do understand, I have BPD, so I do understand the intense mood changes between depression and mania) that having the right help for your Bipolar, will make what is going to be an uphill struggle, much easier.
It's not going to be easy, but nothing that has such a profound effect on your life will be.
Reading your posts, it seems that you are ashamed, and you really hate yourself, but these feelings will lessen, with sobriety.

I do think you may benefit from speaking with your CPN about other medication choices for the bipolar, because in my dads case, the medication he is currently on means he very, very rarely has such bad mood disturbances that the people around him realise...he does still have the occasional blow out with spending (and becomes an avid collector of everything!)

I do wonder if the service you mentioned a few pages in, is the same trust that my dad works for, as they also primarily deal with mental health...which makes the most sense as far as I can tell. Good luck...and please remember to focus on the small positive steps, one at a time. X

Legogo · 31/10/2016 09:26

Good luck today, flaps Flowers

WitchesTeaHauntedShower · 31/10/2016 11:39

Good luck for today. (I'm StrongTea gone spooky btw Halloween Grin)

NoFuchsGiven · 31/10/2016 11:59

Good luck for today op! Flowers

Original poster
FlapsTie · 31/10/2016 13:20

Well that was the quickest appointment ever! Basically just filling out a form. I have to go back tomorrow for a full assessment, this is to show commitment apparently.

It's all positive though. I wish I could drive, that would make the whole thing a lot easier (it's in the next town and I'm relying on the goodwill of lovely friends).

OP posts:
mysistersimone · 31/10/2016 14:31

Do you think if you let friends know why you need lifts it will help put your addiction out there?

I have a suggestion for a new addiction for you. Ebay. You say you have clutter so how about throwing yourself into tidying, sorting and selling. It can be theraputic, keep you busy and it's time consuming. It will make you money too which may go to help you pay off debts. If you dont have a PayPal account ask your DH to create one but not give you the password. You can see if people have paid when they email you. Just try a couple of things, you might get into it.

I wish you the greatest of luck on your journey. You're loved and wanted.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 31/10/2016 15:04

I could do eBay, I've sold some furniture on there before so I have an account.

OP posts:
mysistersimone · 31/10/2016 15:16

Give it a go. I got well into it, I used to search the house for stuff to sell Grin

You'd be amazed what people buy.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 31/10/2016 15:33

Grin I've got plenty of old shoes and manky bras, apparently there's a huge market for them...

I'm actually going to join a choir tonight, with my mum. I'm terrified! But I think it's an important part of my mh recovery to actually be around people and do stuff. And it gets me out of the house for an evening which means no temptation to drink.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/10/2016 15:42

I think you've been very honest and that's a great start. I was also surprised at the responses egging you on. Wine with friends in the park as part of a picnic or whatever is one thing, sitting on your own drinking is something else entirely.

Legogo · 31/10/2016 16:31

I think we've all acknowledged that and moved on now, bluntness Hmm

Op, bloody well done for going today. That took balls. And you sound like you have the strength to go back tomorrow. Amazing. Flowers

The eBay idea is great. I've made nearly £100 in the past month just by having a bit of a clear out.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 31/10/2016 16:38

I made a small fortune on eBay selling (partly used!) bottles of perfume - my other addiction (yeah, yeah, I know they contain alcohol, was never tempted to drink them though!)

Usually the first appt is just about getting details; you'll begin to get a more engaged response from now on. Good luck with the choir!

mysistersimone · 31/10/2016 22:25

I hope you had a good time at choir 😊

Original poster
FlapsTie · 31/10/2016 22:30

Oh god I loved it! Came away absolutely buzzing!

OP posts:
NoahVale · 31/10/2016 22:46

i want to join a choir.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 01/11/2016 08:04

Have a look online, that's where we found this one. And it was the first ever session which made it much easier to go.

I have sometimes crippling social anxiety but weirdly this didn't make me feel self conscious or anxious as everyone was in the same boat.

OP posts:
NoahVale · 01/11/2016 08:55

well done to you op Thanks

Tinkfromlovejoy · 01/11/2016 11:42

If you want to stop the boredom in the evenings maybe try nanowrimo? I'm going to have a go, it starts today.
For me it's to alleviate intrusive thoughts that come in the long dark nights and lead to anxiety and insomnia.
I've also resorted to wine and fags to try fill my time in the past but am hoping doing some writing might give me a focus and keep me occupied.
I'm also going for a riding lesson tonight! First time in 100 years and I'm terrified but the idea of a November evening drinking and smoking alone is scarier! So I'm going, like it or not.

Candlelight123 · 01/11/2016 12:45

Well done Op, I read the first posts last week and I too was surprised at the first responses. I hope this doesn't sound too silly but I'm really pleased to see how the situation has developed and more importantly that you are making changes Flowers

Original poster
FlapsTie · 01/11/2016 14:25

Just been to the second assessment. It was a group triage which was a bit daunting.

I scored 32 on their form where anything over 16 is alcohol dependent. I have an appt to see the alcohol nurse on Friday and then start a 12 week intervention on Monday.

It all sounds very serious. Time to stop brushing it off as 'just a little drink every night'.

Thanks so much for all the support on this thread, it's been invaluable and was the kick I needed.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/11/2016 14:33

We are all rooting for you Flaps.

You are doing really well x

sobersarah · 01/11/2016 16:18

Well done Flaps keep on just not having a drink, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day ...

and yes to finding something to replace the compulsion to drink. Also sober treats! lots and lots, to reward you for not drinking. Don't have to be expensive - could be free like having a nice bath or reading for 10 min ...

and come and say hello on the Dry 15 thread if you want :)

PuppetInParadize · 01/11/2016 16:42

Just caught up. So well done, OP. I am also thinking of joining a choir - there is a suitable one locally. But I have no chum to attend with and the anxiety is crippling just now. Sad

Original poster
FlapsTie · 01/11/2016 16:59

Puppet, if it's anything like the one I went to, if you can get yourself through the door it's really fine, loads of people all in the same boat and really welcoming.

OP posts:
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