To drink wine in the park?

[FlapsTie]

We've walked two miles to the good park. We stopped at the shop to buy the essentials (milk, water and wine). I have cups with me so the kids can have a drink. They've been in the park for an hour and we have another hour to go before DH picks us up.

Just how bad would it be to pour myself a glass of vino? I am bored shitless. Will everybody judge me and will I be an awful parent?

If it matters, the wine is still nice and cold. Although the plastic cup may mar the taste somewhat. I'm sitting outside the actual play park with the dog.

AIBU? Would you?

No I couldnt . It just would feel wrong

Ok this may sound harsh but those kids who you've either bartered with or you think don't know what you're doing will be the ones taking you to A&E in 20 years time because your liver has failed, watching you detox and hallucinating, watching drink again anyway even though it's going to kill you.

And yes, I am projecting. You are living through a wake up call. Please don't ignore it.

Horsegirl RTFT!

People who are addicted to any harmful thing need to find a less harmful thing to get addicted to in its place. And then so on and so on until all is well.

Being addicted to something is just part of one's personality (and lots of people have it) trick is finding something harmless or less harmful, even if it is still addictive.

How about Lego? You can buy job lots of totally mixed up lego on E-bay and then sort it out and make up complete sets to sell on. There are forums devoted to it which I wish I could join .

Oh god no. My house is full of Lego. We have a whole room! I will find something though.

Apologies for my previous post, an absolute lesson to read the thread before posting! Good luck OP, I'm sure you can do it!

Gardening? growing veg? 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles of a very difficult scene with lots of subtle colours, like a snowy landscape or something?

If I didn't have a job and a house and large garden in a state of utter disarray I could do lego and jigsaw puzzles for approx 14 hours per day.

You just need to find your other thing, lovely. Knitting, crochet, painting, exercise, colouring-in, baking, learning an instrument?

It truly can be done

Jigsaws-I love them!

That's ok, Gyder!

I do love puzzles. I used to cross stitch but fell out of the habit. Mainly now I just watch Gilmore Girls and do half arsed housework. I have joined a choir, first one on Monday, so that might be my new thang.

I find knitting VERY therapeutic.

strongtea YAY so excited for you that you are in recovery! That is amazing, congratulations! And to all of you wonderful people in recovery, AND to the wonderful OP for being here and sharing and getting support.

I have namechanged but i was on strong teas original puke-potty thread - my mum was an alcoholic when I was a teenager, awful, awful - we always know what is happening, don't delude yourself about that. BUT, the same bonkers, hectic, very judgy about hair, loving, human, adored mother is currently staying with me and her dgc and is TWENTY TWO YEARS SOBER! ''Tis amazing! God i spend half the time wanting to murder her but SHE IS ALSO WONDERFUL AND I AM SO PROUD OF HER, and incredibly grateful that by getting help she made my story be the one that goes 'yeah my mum had a drink problem, it was a rough time, many many years ago' and not 'my mother ruined my life with her drinking'

Research every kind of help, and keep on trying - most really difficult things are hard to do but so worthwhile.

I think that the constant commercialisation of alcohol 'OFFER! REDUCED!' Has a lot to answer for.

Anyway, for you, you have a lot to deal with, and for the lovely strong and all the others too.

Flaps I'm sorry I posted and then didn't check back into mn for the day. Don't dwell on a slip up but please consider your earlier plan of moderating and whether it's really achievable. I wanted so much to be able to moderate but I soon found its just a tantalising dream. I mean if you could, you would have years ago right? I know it sounds cliched but saying I won't drink today rather than looking at the possibility of never drinking again is the way forward. I still can't face the idea of never drinking again so tell myself, today, this week etc and just keep it going.
Also, many of us will have similar stories to you about leaving the children to go and get booze. I'm utterly ashamed to say I've been out to the off licence before at night leaving my sleeping (then)two year old to buy more wine. Awful behaviour but I don't plan to ever repeat it and that's what counts for her and me.

Eye spy thanks for the lovely words! The unjudgemental support on that thread was beautiful, I'm so thankful to you and all the others who made such a difference

And finally a big yea to channeling your addictive tendencies into something more constructive. Sadly I have developed a healthy living type addiction which a number of my recovery friends have but I'm big on cooking at the moment. Anything to keep you occupied in the evenings.

Thank you. I've been walking loads lately so I'm going to try and channel my energy into that. I'm also making a lot of headway into decluttering, we are drowning in stuff, so that's my project for the next while. I just need to keep busy.

DH says it's that I do normal busy stuff during the day but then switch off after the school run and immediately think about having a drink. I need to find something to do in the evenings that isn't telly and MN/FB, because my default position is to drink wine while I sit down. DH is out three nights a week with his hobbies so I get bored.

I might treat myself to a big jigsaw, that should cover the next week of evenings.

Compulsion is exactly the right word, flaps. It's almost like biting your nails; you decide to stop doing it and then, without apparently any actual thought process involved, you've done it without seemingly realising.

I'm an alcoholic and the one thing I can absolutely promise you, is that the more time and space you put in between you and your last drink, the easier it will become to manage those compulsions and cravings.

I'm with you on the house full of Lego!

Yes, buy that jigsaw,flaps.

How has the rest of today been?

How have you managed today Flaps?

Really well, thanks. It's been busy day of getting the kids ready for school and sorting out the chaos left from having them all home all day. We popped out to see family so didn't eat until late and I've had no urges to drink at all.

I've arranged how to get to the centre tomorrow and I'm cautiously excited about it, it will be the start of real change.

Good luck. We're all rooting for you.

Keep on keeping on

Don't give up giving up!!

Hope tomorrow goes well, I'll be thinking of you .

I've just read the thread and am putting in my well wishes.

You are one tough cookie my darling! Your fighting for your life and your family inspite of the total shitheap that is mh problems and addictions! Be brave be proud because we are of you! Well done.

The thoughts are the hardest thing to change and your working hard on that, the actions will follow, don't beat yourself up if you stumble just learn why you stumbled so next time you won't (in that circumstance)

Bloody well done!

Flaps You are doing really well.

Jigsaws are a great idea.

All the best for tomorrow.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable! We should be friends!

I wrote my pp before reading the thread... you def need help op although I think you are very aware of that. Good luck in your journey xx

Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow, mm today, OP. I am going to a MH appt today too - hence not sleeping. (I am dreading it). But one step at a time .... Take care, OP. You can sort this with the right sort of help and support.