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Original poster

To ask if you are as socially awkward as me...

356 replies

WankingMonkey · 27/10/2016 14:59

And for some stories?

A couple of days back I just met my cousins partner for the first time. All is going well and she says she likes my top and asks where I got it. My answer?

'Oh I have had it on for two days as I am such a scruff round the house'

She just kind of looked weirdly at me and went 'riiiiight' and walked out of the room .

Seriously wtf inspires me to say shit like that? Its not the first time and probably won't be the last either. So socially awkward. I expect I am not alone, whats your worst?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 28/10/2016 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

panad317 · 28/10/2016 23:34

DP is also socially awkward...
Once when we went for a pub lunch we went to the bar to order, he paid by card and when he returned the card machine to the bar lady he said "just check the amount and enter your pin please"

Working in a pub for 10 years had had an effect on him!

Crunchymum · 28/10/2016 23:46

Has the poster who "orphaned" herself been on? I know a lot of posters took offence but I'd love to hear her story again.

SunnyInMay · 28/10/2016 23:47

Oh I'm dying here Grin

Just woke up DS with my howls of laughter.

RhodaBorrocks · 28/10/2016 23:50

Introducing myself once to a group of people in a community group I was in. I tried to say I was the "Webmistress eextraordinare!" being cheeky, but it came out as "Whore" instead. Stony silence from all. Blush

But never mind. Today I bought something and said "thank you" to the girl at the till when she gave me my change. "You too!" she answered brightly. I paused for a second, long enough to see her face register she'd just given the wrong response and start cringing internally. I decided just to smile and say bye pleasantly, but walked away giggling, triumphantly thinking "It's not just me!!!"

ReadyPlayerOne · 28/10/2016 23:51

A few years ago in an old job I was working with two colleagues who I liked very much. Colleague one was explaining that her 15 year old daughter had nits, which she had caught from her boyfriend, whose mother worked in a school. I for some reason piped up with "at least that's all she's caught from him, ha ha!"

Dead silence. Then they carried on talking as if I'd said nothing while I died a little inside.

llangennith · 28/10/2016 23:53

Love this thread. I'm ok for the first sentence or two but then...I go completely OTT and as a pp said, why don't I just stfu?Confused

RhodaBorrocks · 29/10/2016 00:00

NightCzar either you aren't alone, or I was in the same conversation yesterday. FWIW I am too socially awkward to stand up, so after being cut off several times in said conversation, I just started shouting.

And I thought of another one. When I told the receptionist at my chiropractors that I was pregnant, she congratulated me warmly.

Of course, I then found myself saying "Yes, well it wasn't planned..."

I then felt a hand on my shoulder as my mum quietly said, "Rhoda, just stop now."

llangennith · 29/10/2016 00:06

Just remembered! My now very Executive (blond) DD told me quite recently that in one of her first interviews for a job in London she was asked why she liked working in the City. She replied enthusiastically, "Because I like wearing a suit to work". She didn't get the job.

Lostmysignal · 29/10/2016 00:13

Loving this thread!! I have found my tribe! One moment sticks in my mind. A few years ago I was at the drinks machine first thing when the head honcho comes in. I didn't know him at all really.
Being nice and expecting a normal reaction he says "good morning, how are you today?".
I reply with " I slept on my face so I'm all puffy"
He was ever so nice and commiserated with me! God knows what he thought of me.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 29/10/2016 00:45

Met a friend's new girlfriend when I was about 19. For some unfathomable reason she was less than pleased to be spending her Friday night hanging around with her new boyfriend's goonish pals. The atmosphere was frosty and when my friend went to the bathroom an ice silence descended.

The silence started to get uncomfortable. I realised I needed to 'do chitchat' to fill the silence. So for reasons I still can't fathom now.... I piped up with 'have you got any good tips for the grand national this year?'

It was August and she had expressed no interest in horses or horse racing.

She just scowled.

pigsDOfly · 29/10/2016 00:55

I've spent my life with my foot in my mouth and it's getting worse now I'm getting older. I'm finding this thread hilarious and comforting in equal measure as I've always thought I was the only one who waffled on and found themselves saying awful, inappropriate things.

I never know how to end a conversation and always feel the need to say something to mark it's end. A simple goodbye is never enough so I've always tended to say something like, 'take care' or usually 'enjoy your day' even if it's 10 o'clock at night. I've tried really hard to stop saying it now though after talking to someone who had been telling me about the recently loss of a close member of their family, when as we said goodbye, I heard myself saying, in my most cheerful voice, 'enjoy your day'.

One, of many, that will haunt me until the end of my days, was a few years ago when I was showing my house to a letting agent and a couple of perspective tenants. I'd only met the letting agent once before and was telling the tenants how helpful he'd been, when suddenly for some inexplicable reason I leaned forward and kissed the letting agent on the cheek. God, it still makes me cringe. Who does that sort of thing?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/10/2016 01:10

I have undergone a few ops under general, and have a tendency to blurt out the most dreadful phrases when extubated.
The choicest one was "I feel like a runny fried egg, a gram of coke and a blowjob". Not exactly the right answer to "would you like a sip of water?".

My increasing deafness also makes for bizarre conversations. I'm fairly sure that dinner choices do NOT include "a small squeaky object". Or that shoes come in pints. However, I'm getting hearing aids, in order that the future doesn't contain Le Creuset to the head.

6o6o842 · 29/10/2016 01:11

I got a new job and my new boss was someone my sister knew really well and I knew quite well, so I was pretty comfortable with him. At the end of the first week there were monthly drinks for our division, I was talking to a group of colleagues when my new boss came over to say great first week and goodnight as he was off home. I cheerfully said thanks and then offered him my cheek for a kiss goodbye. WTF!?!?! Thankfully I was able to cover it my pretending that I thought he'd said something and I was cocking my ear in his direction to try to hear because it was loud in the room. I should not be allowed out in public.

AutumnalLeaves38 · 29/10/2016 01:14

pigsDOfly

Sadly, that'd be me who does that sort of thing (random, inexplicable, kissing of cheek).

Completely unknown cab driver.

Whose expression of bemused shock will haunt me forever more...

jadelaura6214 · 29/10/2016 01:33

19hannah
social anxiety?

ichoosesleep · 29/10/2016 01:58

Doing this shit is my actual life. Why people speak to me after the first meeting I do not know.

We recently went to a party where I met a fiancé of a cousins uncles wife whatever I don't even know what they are to me ...anyway she took me by surprise when she started speaking to me in thee poshest dialect I've ever heard and well I found it fucking hilarious didn't I ...

My immediate response was to start talking in the exact same way taking the piss and I actually said that she sounded like the queen!

Well her face said it all and I just explained I thought she was taking the piss too and being humorous... but she wasn't it was her actual dialect and I just went and got shitfaced on wine and wanted the ground to swallow me there and then. Everyone looking at me wondering what the fuck I was doing at this gathering of people Confused

ichoosesleep · 29/10/2016 02:01

Oh and if anyone tells me someone has died it doesn't matter how well I know them or how tragic the circumstances my response is always
"Oh no your joking!!"

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 29/10/2016 02:14

Oh and two minutes silences in public places always make me nervous. My natural reaction to being nervous is to giggle so I have to put considerable effort into not giggling at a hideously inappropriate moment.

RainyDayBear · 29/10/2016 02:25

I am so glad it's not just me that says daft things without thinking!

Earlier this year the doctor was trying to convince me to try the implant. I replied 'no thanks, I've had enough things up there for one year.' I was referring to having had DD, but it didn't quite come out right!!

Icallbullshit3 · 29/10/2016 03:30

When I was pregnant with my DD (first child) I was having pain and bleeding so we went to the out of hours doctor. She told me to hop up on the bed and she would examine me... so I walked over to the bed and started taking my trousers off... thankfully I only took my jeans off before she turned round and told me that she had meant that she would examine my belly... not anything else.

OH still won't let me live it down... he never stopped me either!!

pixiehollow · 29/10/2016 08:44

This is me too Hmm i cant think of any examples but if somebody says they like something i automatically say its old or cheap and shit. Why 😂

YodellingForJesus · 29/10/2016 08:54

Re the social kissing hello and goodbye thing - so awkward. Especially that time I planted a kiss on an acquaintance's neck instead of his cheek. Why?? He did look surprised.

daisygirlmac · 29/10/2016 08:56

Absolutely dying at these!!

I needed a longstanding customer at work to sign something but her husband needed to sign as well. I said to her so if you can make sure husband signs too, she replied oh that might be a bit tricky...and without giving her a single second further to explain I interrupted her by saying "why, do you keep him locked up?" and then braying like a donkey at my own joke. She's quiet for moment and I'm genuinely thinking gosh she's miserable, only having a laugh etc, before she explains in a quiet voice that actually she had to put him in a home last week because his dementia has got so bad she can't manage with him in the house anymore. Blush

sterlingcooper · 29/10/2016 09:03

I have a definite tendency to babble and over share. I'm making conscious efforts to say less, remain cool, calm and collected, be comfortable with silence and remind myself it's not my job to entertain others. But it's hard! I find channeling characters from TV/film helps. At work I am trying to imagine myself as Joanie from Mad Men, whose feathers are never ruffled and is a master of the cool and collected. It does help!