To say Fuck it - let's just start a new life

[fiddlefingers]

Although I'm British I live in Ireland (dual English/Irish nationality). My Fiance is Dutch.

As it is the majority of his wages goes on our rent. If I was to work (having researched it extensively) I would owe about fifty euro a week if I'm lucky so it pays me to NOT work which is driving me up the wall. I want a better life for my kids. We live on state handouts which is bloody depressing but without this we wouldn't be able to afford food.

I want more from my life and to at least set a better example for my kids. As it is, my life just isn't working. Something needs to change and right now I am so caught up in the reality I cannot see the wood for the tree's.

My idea, today (out of frustration and tears) is that my partner looks for work in Europe. For example, Holland, Belgium or Luxumberg. Unfortunately, he didn't finish his course to get his plumbers certificate which will have an obvious impact on the jobs that he is applying for. I had work done myself on my old house and biased as I am, he was very precise, very tidy and his work was over and above what any so called Irish plumber would have done.

Would I really be stupid to look towards him getting a job in either his profession (plumbing) or in what he is doing at the moment in Ireland because of his languages (a call centre environment) in either Belgium or Holland. I'm terrified. It is a big move for my family but things cannot continue the way that they are.

If anyone has any advice or tips on how exactly we could make this work (and soon) as we are once again facing being made homeless and at best being housed in a hotel, I would really appreciate it. I want to get out to work myself. At least because I want to make a positive contribution to my family and being so isolated isn't good for my mental health.

Please be gentle. All advice appreciated.

She is in dcu. We live relatively far out as it's cheaper to rent but rental properties are becoming very scarce. We are super lucky to get this one. Finding some way to pay for a course would be a really good idea. The credit union would probably be the best option.

Oh how I wish we could have got married years ago. My ex has just gone through the divorce proceedings. Hoping to have good news by Christmas. It would also mean he could actually claim tax credits for his own two children which he isn't able to do at the moment. It's only taken four years to get this far but it's finally getting somewhere. That's a whole other story lol.

Do you have a medical card??

Petit - xenophobic? OP has dual nationality so she can hardly be xenophobic or racist towards her fellow citizens!

She describes herself as British Maq

i know she does but venting her frustration on dodgy plumbing work does not make her xenophobic!

fiddle, if she is in DCU have you looked at housing in Louth/Meath. It's very commutable and possible cheaper than where you are now?

although when I was in Trinity in the dim and distant past some of my classmates commuted daily from Belfast, so my version of "easily commutable" may be slightly skewed!

What does your oldest DD do, the one who had graduated? Could she help out a bit at evenings or weekends to let you do some evening work?

Are all your DC at school now? I know they are pretty rare, but if you have admin experience could you look for some part time/school hours work? Are there temping options maybe?

Also, you never said if you were on Jobseekers - just because the courses I linked to earlier allow you to keep your benefits while you retrain, so might be a good option.

Talk about derailing a thread - looking at you petite

I'm in the UK OP so can't offer any practical advice but just know that not everyone on your thread is being an arsehole. I hope you've been able to read the helpful posts and take something from them.

Personally though I wouldn't move.

Derailing a thread? Dramatic much? I simply called her out on her unpleasant remarks about Iriish plumbers being crap, while asserting ridiculously thst her own husband who isin't even qualified should be able to work as a plumber. You couldn't make it up!!

The OP is quite capable of defending herself. You don't need to be her chaperone y'know.

while asserting ridiculously thst her own husband who isin't even qualified should be able to work as a plumber. You couldn't make it up!!

You ARE making it up (again) petit !

She didn't assert anything of the sort.

To be fair from what you have said between you you have six children and only one adult working.

Realistically you're going to be strapped for cash.

Why are you living in Ireland?
You are clearly frustrated feeling trapped by your situation..what does your partner want to do?

Your partner needs to get that plumbing qualification.

Stop faffing around with other courses and plans to move and so on, and make that happen.

It sounds as if your DP is pressurising you to move to the NL? You don't seem keen at all and he seems to think it will fix everything? Perhaps I've read the thread wrong but you say several times its his idea and that you don't want to go. If that's the case I wouldn't go, several posters have highlighted why its not a good idea, if you have anxiety this move is unlikely to help, you may be very unhappy, especially with no support and leaving your daughter behind. Its been mentioned but you could get care work with an agency for nights? Its better paid and you have some flexibility which shifts you work, your DP could work during the day. Don't be pressured into moving abroad if its not what you really want.

You've gone on and on about it. Nothing constructive to add but the OP has apologised and is asking for help. I know AIBU is usually for the vipers but give it a rest. And so fucking what if you think she can defend herself. Doesn't mean I shouldnt call you on your crap behaviour.

Amethyst, that sums it up really. I'll come back and reread when I'm feeling better. Was up half the night. I think if I give myself a few days to think everything over I'll be able to come up with a plan.

My eldest lives abroad with her boyfriend. She's doing well for herself. I did something right there at least

Also, about my Reiki qualification. I did that a long time ago when I was with my ex husband and things were very different back then. There were a number of options that would have enabled me to use that to work for myself or for someone else at that time.

I must have missed the post about care work. There are a number of options I hadn't considered. Thanks for the helpful responses. I'll be stepping away for now though. A list will be made with options to research thanks to your ideas.

Very best of luck to you, OP.

I'm not going to jump in and make you feel worse.

I do want to pick up on one thing you've said several times... That the problem is YOU. You're very insistent about this and can't seem to shift perspectives.

Could be you're just too stressed and upset in the face of problem after problem. Could be you need to work on your self esteem too.

But the problem isn't you. It's your DP, who needs to make a proper go of it now, not just wanting to pull the whole family across Europe for some kind of 'jam tomorrow' type of dream. The obvious and simplest solution to up-ing the family earning power is him getting qualified. He needs to be saving to do this, even if you save a few euros a week, it will get you in tiny steps to a way out of the trap you find yourself in.

Your DP needs to realise that he is part of the problem too if all he wants to do is go to another country where you will find everything so much harder than Ireland. Is it you that has decided you are the problem, or him?

Both of you need to be doing all you can to earn money, to put towards his qualification. Being in the work force even temporary or low wage jobs will really help your sense of self worth.

At the same time you can be exploring exactly what job you want to do eg child minding, admin, etc, and find out ways to do courses or qualifications to do it.

I really wouldn't think about moving countries until you've given it a really good go in Ireland. You need to get some work experience and confidence back and that won't happen in an even more difficult situation where the odds are stacked against you.

Good luck.

Oh, get him to complete his training as s plumber, get him gas safe registered. This is extra cost.
It may need to be a two step process of getting him working as a plumber, then the gas safe training.
In the long term this will put you in a much better position financially.

I don't know how you feel about dogs, but can you set up your own dog walking/sitting service?

I set up my own business in May, and believe me, it has made a huge difference to us financially. It makes me feel like I'm really contributing.

I found most of my clients on a website called tailster...the great thing is, that's the kind of job that will make you some money without accruing childcare costs.

I hope OP that you are able to think things through a bit more clearly, I think you've had some hard responses here when you've been looking to vent. Like I said don't be pressured into moving if you're not happy with that and its not all your fault that your situation is difficult, you're blaming yourself entirely and being hard on yourself. Good luck

Thank you very much. Well, thanks to a conversation with a friend earlier today I'm back to my gp next week and had a quick glance at the menopause board here. It was very much a lightbulb moment. One step at a time. Also, DP has an interview so fingers crossed on that score.