To say Fuck it - let's just start a new life

[fiddlefingers]

Although I'm British I live in Ireland (dual English/Irish nationality). My Fiance is Dutch.

As it is the majority of his wages goes on our rent. If I was to work (having researched it extensively) I would owe about fifty euro a week if I'm lucky so it pays me to NOT work which is driving me up the wall. I want a better life for my kids. We live on state handouts which is bloody depressing but without this we wouldn't be able to afford food.

I want more from my life and to at least set a better example for my kids. As it is, my life just isn't working. Something needs to change and right now I am so caught up in the reality I cannot see the wood for the tree's.

My idea, today (out of frustration and tears) is that my partner looks for work in Europe. For example, Holland, Belgium or Luxumberg. Unfortunately, he didn't finish his course to get his plumbers certificate which will have an obvious impact on the jobs that he is applying for. I had work done myself on my old house and biased as I am, he was very precise, very tidy and his work was over and above what any so called Irish plumber would have done.

Would I really be stupid to look towards him getting a job in either his profession (plumbing) or in what he is doing at the moment in Ireland because of his languages (a call centre environment) in either Belgium or Holland. I'm terrified. It is a big move for my family but things cannot continue the way that they are.

If anyone has any advice or tips on how exactly we could make this work (and soon) as we are once again facing being made homeless and at best being housed in a hotel, I would really appreciate it. I want to get out to work myself. At least because I want to make a positive contribution to my family and being so isolated isn't good for my mental health.

Please be gentle. All advice appreciated.

And finally: sorry that didn't sound v supportive. It's obviously stressful and tough. There are people you can talk to about budgeting, and organisations that can protect you if your landlord tries to illegally evict you. Don't panic, there will be a way through.

No wonder you're upset OP; that's a hell of a lot going on.

What is your income like now DP isn't working?

The breakdown at the start of your thread included his wages.

What kind of extra temporary help can you get?

Funnily enough appalach, we did apply for a credit card a good few years ago and I did say the exact same thing about the course, etc. We were refused so it didn't happen.

The university is way too far to cycle otherwise that would have been a very good option as well.

As to where she will go or how will we afford accommodation, I've lost countless nights sleep worrying about it and it has been the biggest reason for me putting off moving up until now.

I've 4 weeks covered. I should be able to cover one more months rent at the end of November. At least that gets us through Christmas. I've managed to get DP one interview (hopefully, still waiting on confirmation) but, as has been pointed out, I need to get my finger out of my bum and sort my own cv out too.

This is uk, but I find it very hard to believe there isn't anything similar in Ireland.
www.cityandguilds.com/help/help-for-learners/funding-and-bursaries

I can't possible believe that the only thing that is stopping your DP getting his plumbing qualifications and earning really decent money, is the course fees.

No matter what the history with his family, that would be worth going cap in hand for.

I think you need a long term strategy (DP qualifying as a plumber, a career plan for you) and some tactical short term plans to get you through this crisis period. Look into whatever work you can get, rope DP and older DD in to help with childcare as needed. Get down to the CAB and ensure you understand your legal position re tenancy and check what benefits DP can claim whilst he is unable to work.

As soon as you can start putting money away to pay for DOs qualification - £5, £10 it all adds up. The sooner he is qualified, the better off you will all be.

You don't have a medical card?

You should do. Or at least apply for one.

Instead of fantasising about the Netherlands, why not focus that energy on improving your circumstances here?

You don't have to fix everything all at once.

Make a list of eventing that needs to be fixed then you can think logically about how to deal with things, one at a time.

I really think you need to move from Dublin.

There are buses and trains relatively easily accessible from Kildare, Louth and Laois to name a few.

Try the credit union for a loan for him to get qualified, it is easy enough to qualify for one of them.

What it is you are looking for from this thread OP? There have been countless suggestions offered to you, and every time you have given a reason why you couldn't do what is suggested.

Why on earth can you not pay/ save for your DH to pay for his course fees in order to qualify as a plumber?? And as you say, he is so!much better than the plumbers who are there already, so surely he would be snapped up straight away[Grin]

And how on earth do you think that you are going to be better off in the NL?
Ireland has one of the most generous benefit systems in Europe. It also has very well paid plumbers and tradespeople in general.

I know, because I spend a fair amount of time there.
I think you're living in a fantasy world frankly.

Credit union loan? It's exactly the kind of thing they would have funded in the past, though I know they're tighter now.

How big is your current place? And when you say 'Dublin' roughly where do you mean? (Ie north suburbs near a DART, south suburbs near buses into town) - if it's a long trip for your daughter assuming she's not going out to Maynooth I assume she's got a way to go.

You obviously don't have to answer, but if you're in a 3 or 4 bed, I'm not sure moving somewhere commuter friendly like Meath or Kildare will save you much: it sounds like you might have cheaper roll-over rent, in which case know all landlord must accept housing allowance and they can't put up rent until two years have passed from last time. In the city centre, most one beds are 1100 so you're either v far out or getting a fairly good deal for now.

It sounds like it would help you to plan: so I'd start by drawing up lists of all your outgoings and entitlements, and look at what training support you might have. Are you on jobseekers? Will your DH be? Has he seriously looked into apprenticeships in Ireland, or just refused to because he thinks he's already qualified? Because if 17 year olds manage, they can't all be paying the fees, they much be getting paid and working as well.

petitpois - why don't you step away from this thread.

You're not being helpful and are coming across as rather unkind.

I am an Aussie living in the Netherlands. You might find that your skills are more marketable than his over here. There are some great sites like www.expatica.com and they have an employment section also. (Worth checking out the social differences in the forums as well). Cost of living can be established easily by filling an online shop on www.ah.nl (the biggest supermarket here). Food is more expensive. Properties for sale and rent are available on www.funda.nl. Obviously properties are more expensive in Den Haag and Amsterdam, but places like Utrecht and Arnhem might be a little easier to pull yourself out of the hole you find yourself in.

Maq I've said what lots of other people have said, only more bluntly.
you are not the thread police! Lots of people have asked the OP questions, and some of her replies frankly don't add up.

If you can't afford the €1,400 for your husband to get certified as a plumber in Ireland, where is the money going to come from for the move to Holland? Moving four children, your possessions and having enough cash to tide you over until you settle in is going to be far more expensive than that.

I've taken a lot of good suggestion on board and will actually be looking into them.

Why can't we save seeing as we get SOOOOO much? Considering that we could get rental allowance but I don't actually claim it? What with me being some kind of sponger why wouldn't I claim what I'm entitled to huh?

We moved from the west of Ireland for work as DP had been unemployed for 2 years. He did a number of training courses at that time. Yes, we saved. Then the head gasket went on the old car. The savings went on this car which has now been written off.

I stayed in Dublin in order that my eldest could get her degree. She graduated with a 2/1. She deserved the chance. Now it's dd2's chance and I don't want to fuck that up for her.

It's not so much as a fantasy that I am living in. It's more that I feel like I am drowning with just one problem after another with no clue how to get myself out of the mess that I am in. Whilst I may not have expressed myself in the best way, I have got some ideas here that I didn't consider and will be processing them when I am feeling in a better frame of mind. Take from that what you will.

DP wants to be closer to his brother. On a practical level it would be great for the children to have their uncle play more of a role in their lives rather than the odd skype call.

Before that can happen I need to sort out stuff here first. Obviously. I've a few ideas now though rather than my original omg what am I going to do panic response.

A special thank you to Petit too though. I now remember why I hated living where I was before in Ireland. I'd never want to go back to that again.

I called you out on your zenephobia Fiddle and you didn't like it. I also asked you some questions which you dodged, as did other posters. I'm sure Ireland will miss you terribly when you venture off to your new life, wherever that is...

I have received some helpful responses which I hadn't considered as my head was stuck too far up my own arse. I've met some amazing people here. Not everyone is like you thankfully. Some seem to take things way too personally which says more about them. I've answered as best I can. If you want to make this about one comment which I could have put a lot better and apologise for then that is your problem, not mine. I've been given some good advice, harsh, but good and will be taking that on board.

I've met some amazing people here. Not everyone is like you Oh dear OP, I don't live in Ireland. Do pay attention.

Belgium is hugely expensive from rent to utilities. You have to be fluent in either French or Flemish (preferably both) and English helps, but for a non Flemish speaker you are on a hiding to nothing unless you can get a job at the EU, NATO or teach at one of the International schools.

You are looking at 21% VAT on most things from kids clothes to books, also on utilities, and the system for either buying or renting is expensive as well. It is also highly taxed, you need to pay in for health care, and car insurance costs a bomb as well.

We can do it because dh is in a highly paid job, but it was tough when he was in the Royal Navy and we were posted here, as the cost of living rose and the allowances to counteract that were cut. To this day, I buy my clothes and shoes back in the UK, as it's cheaper, and that's after a decade here.

If you want to stay in Dublin while your DD is in uni, are you really going to be able to move countries?

Whereabouts in Dublin are you? Your rent sounds pretty average (actually low if you're in a house). Are you near any of the shopping centres? They're all looking for seasonal staff, if your OH isn't working you could try to pick up a few hours without needing childcare.

I just picked up a card for argos actually who are advertising for seasonal staff. Just a bus ride away too. Now to work on an application.

Getting your DH working as a plumber in Ireland would boost his income
How long is the course? Is it full time? How much would he earn afterwards?
I would prioritise getting the money for the course

• Can his brother lend him any?
• Can you take some casual work e.g. cleaning?
• Can you make any economies- look at moneysavingexperwebsite for advice
• Would it be worth getting married (basic cost of licence not a big wedding) for the child tax allowance?

Does your dd really need you to stay in Dublin though?

Surely Naas or Newbridge would be ok? Especially if she's in Maynooth. (Was it you who mentioned Maynooth, or another poster? Apologies if it's the latter.)

Yabu. Yes you are living on the breadline, but so are hundreds of thousands of other families with a lone (unqualified) wage. Your adult children are getting a free university education plus a grant, and you are getting pretty generous benefits. No one begrudges a family benefits if they are entitled to them, if you are entitled to rent allowance you should claim it. Every area has a welfare officer, you need to visit your local one to find out what you are entitled to and how to claim, especially if your dp does lose his job. As others have said this is a good time to get a seasonal job, childcare for two chidren is not extortionate especially if they are in school for part/most of the day, a qualified childminder will charge about 8 euro per hour for two kids. (i am a childminder) I dont really understand why you moved to Ireland, you don't seem to have any ties there and you don't like it very much.