To say Fuck it - let's just start a new life

[fiddlefingers]

Although I'm British I live in Ireland (dual English/Irish nationality). My Fiance is Dutch.

As it is the majority of his wages goes on our rent. If I was to work (having researched it extensively) I would owe about fifty euro a week if I'm lucky so it pays me to NOT work which is driving me up the wall. I want a better life for my kids. We live on state handouts which is bloody depressing but without this we wouldn't be able to afford food.

I want more from my life and to at least set a better example for my kids. As it is, my life just isn't working. Something needs to change and right now I am so caught up in the reality I cannot see the wood for the tree's.

My idea, today (out of frustration and tears) is that my partner looks for work in Europe. For example, Holland, Belgium or Luxumberg. Unfortunately, he didn't finish his course to get his plumbers certificate which will have an obvious impact on the jobs that he is applying for. I had work done myself on my old house and biased as I am, he was very precise, very tidy and his work was over and above what any so called Irish plumber would have done.

Would I really be stupid to look towards him getting a job in either his profession (plumbing) or in what he is doing at the moment in Ireland because of his languages (a call centre environment) in either Belgium or Holland. I'm terrified. It is a big move for my family but things cannot continue the way that they are.

If anyone has any advice or tips on how exactly we could make this work (and soon) as we are once again facing being made homeless and at best being housed in a hotel, I would really appreciate it. I want to get out to work myself. At least because I want to make a positive contribution to my family and being so isolated isn't good for my mental health.

Please be gentle. All advice appreciated.

Ok, I can see youre in a bad headspace right now OP. I've been there. It sucks, and some of these posts will be pretty hard to hear right now but being honest? People are right. You have options. Quite a few. It's all good and well saying "it's me, I'm the problem" but 1) that doesn't improve your situation and 2) people lose patience with that very quickly.

People here have given lots of suggestions. I suspect you're not quite ready to investigate them properly, you still seem quite panicky. I suggest you shut down MN for tonight, get a good night's sleep then tomorrow come back with a pen and paper and read through the thread writing down all the suggestions. Don't discount any, even if you think them unsuitable. Write them all down. Ignore all the other stuff in the thread. Then go away, have a cuppa, go for a walk, then when your kids are in bed tomorrow night and you and your partner have time to talk you sit down and go through the list with him and see what might work for you both.

Are you actually in danger of losing your home in four weeks?

Because I'm pretty sure the landlord can't evict you for receiving rent allowance www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/supplementary_welfare_schemes/rent_supplement.html

And also they can't give you less then one months notice of eviction.. and if you've lived there more then 6 months he has to give you at least 16 weeks notice. www.citizensinformation.ie/en/housing/renting_a_home/if_your_landlord_wants_you_to_leave.html

No reason at all Safari, I need to work on my cv. I've a big slot where I've been a sahm that I don't know how to word for a cv though. Off to google, I suppose.

Happy to help . 😊 I think what you are currently feeling is stuck and overwhelmed. But you can create a little wriggle room to look round at your choices. Give yourself the headspace to make some plausible long term and short term plans.

Jen. Will do. You make a lot of sense and yes, you are right (even if I don't want you to be).

I was more than 5 years a SAHM several years ago and it did not impact me going back to work. In Ireland. But I may have just been lucky I guess. Good luck. I think having read the entire thread you would be better off dusting off your CV and getting work than moving your family to Holland.

I live in the Netherlands with my Dutch DH - we have a fantastic life compared to back home. There is lots of work, your DH should have no problem getting a job. Welfare here is also very good if you get into trouble. It's really close to the UK so we can come back often to visit (a bit further for you, but maybe an hour's flight?). It's a very easy place to live, pretty similar to what you're used to. Nearly everyone speaks English too so you can take your time to learn the lingo. There are loads or Irish and Brits here already - there's nothing to be scared of!

You can live in the Netherlands with English only but you will have to work in one of the big cities (Amsterdam, Utrecht etc) and unless you are a skilled worker you will get trapped in low paying cost center type jobs - maybe sales if you are lucky (better paid but horrible work). You will never get a job that a Dutch person could do as they will always pick a native unless it's an international company. Childcare is crazy expensive in the NL and that's why most women do not work full time. If you have to private rent you'll need a house and good luck with finding that in Amsterdam for €1100pcm. Taxes are crazy and everything is more expensive.
Moving to the Netherlands only makes sense if you are in a high paying job and are willing to take the pay cut as a trade off for a better work - life balance. I am yet to see those great benefits system everyone is raving about.

I am really really sorry to burst your bubble but I don't think this would work the way you think. Yes, you could buy a house somewhere cheaper and commute to work. To rent an apartment you need 1-2 months rent in advance, agent's fee which is 1/10 of the yearly rent +Vat and 1 month deposit.

Do you think you could move somewhere cheaper in Ireland and commute to Dublin? Or would you consider moving to the U.K.? You don't have to live in London...

Sorry, the grass really isn't any greener on this side.

You seem to have missed my question about your dd.

Is she in receipt of the SUSI grant, or similar? If not, why not? She needs to claim that.

Walter The OP hasn't answered the question about why her DH lost his job either, despite being added twice.

And my other question:

Have you tried to look for accommodation on the commuter belt? Nobody has to live in Dublin if they have any sort of transport. And you have a car.

Plus, if you're in receipt of benefits, you are both likely to be entitled to do courses to gain skills to make you more employable. Have you looked into this?

Has the DP lost his job?

I can't find any reference to that. Where did OP mention it?

OP would you consider moving to Northern Ireland? You could both look for work and claim tax credits depending on your income. There is also a child care element to the tax credit system. Please don't ask me for the exact details as it is donkey's years since I claimed tax credits but being in receipt of that benefit kept me in the work place and helped with my child care costs until I finally started to earn a reasonable salary.

Having the NHS is an additional safety net when funds are very tight.

I have lived here for over 30 years and love it. The people are so nice, at least the ones I know are. Belfast is buzzing.

Maybe making a smaller move might solve some immediate problems. Your DD could still go to college and your partner can explore the feasibility of getting his qualification whilst working.

I am very conscious that the information I am providing is very general and perhaps the move to NI would be massively expensive but it could perhaps be cheaper than a move to a new country without the added stress of learning a new language and finding work and associated childcare.

It really sounds like things are very tough at the moment and I hope you find a way to work it out. Good luck and look after yourself.

Walter, yes she has the susi grant. That should just cover her bus fares only. It hasn't covered her books or her equipment, one book was 57 euros. That hopefully, should ease up now that I think we have all her books and equipment paid for.

As for why my dp lost his job. That's not so easy to explain. They are letting a lot of people go in his department. If it is ok, I would rather not go into that further here and face another bashing when I am really not able for it.

As it is, he is being let go from his job as his whiplash is effecting his job.

Here

No. Our car was written off when someone drove into the back of him, with his handbrake on, three weeks ago. We no longer have a car at this time.

The other car was insured though? And your DP should get a personal injury claim for the whiplash.

OP on a bit more of a positive note - we're close to Christmas so there should be plenty seasonal jobs available which could give you a bit of breathing space. In the meantime your DP can look for another job and you could look into moving somewhere cheaper but within commutable distance.

We have been given 1k for the car and the personal injury claim could take about 7 months (if we are lucky). It could take a lot longer. I have no idea as to how much longer it could take, how long is a piece of string. On that score, in order to submit our claim we need to get a gp report which will cost 300 euro to submit to the piab. The a&e fee is over 350 (can't remember the exact amount).

Personal injury claims take quite a while to resolve though. I assume your immediate issue is that DP is not well enough to work and is on some kind of temporary contact so will be let go without any kind of sick pay?

You need to focus on this very pressing problem rather than spinning yourself a fantasy life in the NL. Can you get work while DP does the childcare at this time? Care assistant, call centre or Christmas retail work perhaps?

If he loses his job could he take care of the children and u work for a while

Quickest work to pick up, and better pay than min.wage= cleaning. Did it myself until last year. I stuck a post on a few local FB selling pages and people messaged me with work. Seriously OP. You could be cleaning tomorrow.

It's more like his fantasy life in the Netherlands to be perfectly frank. I've dragged my heals on it for a long time. With everything that has happened, I panicked and figured that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I can't imagine that anyone would consider landing in a foreign country where they don't speak the language and have no idea if they could get a job would be a fantasy life. Far from it. It just seemed like the better alternative which could be facing me coming up to christmas.

Plumbers in ireland are making really significant amounts of money, and there is huge demand for tradesmen ATM. If it would really only cost 1500 euro to get him a cert, and he could line up work with it, I have no idea why you wouldn't put that on a credit card, and I'm normally the last person to suggest any kind of debt.

Four children and one wage is a big ask anywhere in the world TBH, but obviously you're v stressed. I don't understand why the SUSI grant is covering so little: surely your daughter could look at cycling rather than the bus? ( I'm assuming living at home with you and going to one of the Dublin colleges that should be manageable)

I think there's two things here: 1, changes you can make to make it a little easier to live right now, and 2, weighing up where you could go for things to be better. I think your focus needs to be on 1 to give you the headspace to consider 2, but I think ireland is a lot more generous to larger families than other countries so I'm not sure how much better off you'd be.

Also, if you moved, where would your daughter go? Would you support her accommodation costs?

Ooooh. Thanks Jen :D