To say Fuck it - let's just start a new life

[fiddlefingers]

Although I'm British I live in Ireland (dual English/Irish nationality). My Fiance is Dutch.

As it is the majority of his wages goes on our rent. If I was to work (having researched it extensively) I would owe about fifty euro a week if I'm lucky so it pays me to NOT work which is driving me up the wall. I want a better life for my kids. We live on state handouts which is bloody depressing but without this we wouldn't be able to afford food.

I want more from my life and to at least set a better example for my kids. As it is, my life just isn't working. Something needs to change and right now I am so caught up in the reality I cannot see the wood for the tree's.

My idea, today (out of frustration and tears) is that my partner looks for work in Europe. For example, Holland, Belgium or Luxumberg. Unfortunately, he didn't finish his course to get his plumbers certificate which will have an obvious impact on the jobs that he is applying for. I had work done myself on my old house and biased as I am, he was very precise, very tidy and his work was over and above what any so called Irish plumber would have done.

Would I really be stupid to look towards him getting a job in either his profession (plumbing) or in what he is doing at the moment in Ireland because of his languages (a call centre environment) in either Belgium or Holland. I'm terrified. It is a big move for my family but things cannot continue the way that they are.

If anyone has any advice or tips on how exactly we could make this work (and soon) as we are once again facing being made homeless and at best being housed in a hotel, I would really appreciate it. I want to get out to work myself. At least because I want to make a positive contribution to my family and being so isolated isn't good for my mental health.

Please be gentle. All advice appreciated.

I agree with the comments that I am REALLY REALLY going to struggle moving abroad without a fluent second language. BIG TIME.

My fiancé has it in his head that this is what is best for our family. Me. I am bloody terrified. I will be moving to another country with a strange language that I don't speak and I will HAVE to get a job (I would LOVE to get a job btw but lack skills/confidence).

I do like the idea of actually thinking further afield like some have suggested away from Dublin though. I loved Galway to visit for example. It is an option that I hadn't considered and something that I can start realistically researching. Like I said, I have been so worked up panicking that the obvious choices just didn't occur to me.

OP, are you receiving Jobseekers Benefit? If you are you could qualify for Springboard courses - www.springboard.ie They are free part time higher education courses that are run around the country.

Also, how old are your DC? With the extension of the ECCE year to 2 years from the age of 3 for 15 hours a week. This will surely help with your childcare costs and would mean that perhaps you wouldn't be as much out of pocket.

Or, as someone else suggested - childminding. I pay over half of my wage to our lovely childminder (who earns every cent!) and she just does the wrap around care. (Where I live it's €8 an hour for one child, €10 for two)

Sorry, the link is www.springboardcourses.ie

You appear to be blaming living in Ireland for evertyhing that's wrong in your life. I would suggest you are going to have the same problems wherever you live, as you seem to catastrophise (sp) a lot.

I'm laughing at you slagging off a country that is being beyond generous to you and your family financially..

Oh and just so you know, casual racism is not acceptable OP.

What about if your DP went back to NL on his own, just for long enough to get fully qualified in plumbing?

Presumably he's part-qualified under their system anyway? So would the training be shorter there? And maybe funding better?

I've not thought of child minding at all. It is something that I should look into though, thank you. I thought that because I'm so nervous about my own children that I couldn't look at doing that myself but, the only thing actually stopping me is ME.

I am feeling a lot less panicky and a bit more practical with a lot of ideas to research. Thanks :D

Op I'm genuinely baffled as to how you are claiming to be skint? I can understand if you want a change but the financial position your in should be far from dire straights, as another poster said you've not even included the your child benefit figure. Perhaps you need to look at where all of the money your being given is going? Maybe if you can sort out your finances you would be less inclined to run to another country where you would actually get less support ?

My DP is qualified as a plumbers assistant with a good few years experience as an actual plumber. That research will have to come from him though but it is something that HE can do without me having to stress me out about trying to fix/sort too.

(I thought OP had included all benefits in those figures?)

So it's about E2750 or £2400-2500 pcm total income, which isn't starvation levels, true, but with 4 DC, 2adults, the necessity of a car and unexpected expenses like car repairs cropping up, it must be tight and feel unsustainable long term.

She's just trying to work out how to steer her family to longterm financial stability. It's not like she's complaining about the level of support she gets.

So he's a plumbers assistant, not a qualified Plummer, and you're whinging that he is unable to practice as an actual plumber !! Are you for real?

petit that's not what she said

I think petitpot has summed it up. I noticed too that the OP was careful to distance herself as being British but living in Ireland. I don't think she has come across at all well on this thread. But I wish her well in Holland

Ok. Maybe I've got this wrong. Is the DH a qualified Plummer or not, and does his qualification ( whichever country he got it in, allow him to work/ practice as a plumber in Ireland)

Either I'm completely shit with money or our outgoings really are that high :(

I've completely cut down on our grocery shopping every week so we eat either soups or stews mainly. My dd2 is in university (maybe I should have said that sooner, sorry). Every august I get the 110 euro bin charge on top of the regular lift charge. There is over 100 per child for school fees during August. 50 euro for bus fares each week. The gas and electricity during the summer I have down to about just over 125 per month. The car insurance is 50 per month. Petrol to get DP to work is about 80 per week not including the toll charges which is 2.60 each way twice per day. I don't have sky or anything so just pay internet charges which is 45 per month atm.

Spot on .SafariWhatever the ins and outs of her D.h, and his plumbing qualifications, the OP comes across as an ungrateful whinger , that and her racist name calling..

Does your DD in uni not get a grant that covers her transport costs? Also if you are that close to losing your home can the two younger adults (your oldest kids) not work? Uni in Ireland unless studying medicine the hours are so low I managed to have a full time job while in uni and don't know anyone that didn't work part time.

But he's not actually a qualified plumber? So one way or another, he's going to have to get those qualifications . And your comments on Irish houses having shit (no pun intended) plumbing because there aren't any properly qualified plumbers makes you sound about ten years old, and is probably based on a survey of one house...
It is simply not true. And why can't your dp fix your toilet anyway; you don't need to employ a plumber, why would you?

Petit, am no way am I bloody whinging that my dp cannot work as a plumber with his current qualifications. If he wanted to get back to work as a plumber or as an assistant plumber he could do tomorrow, IN THE NETHERLANDS. He just cannot here in Ireland. Instead he chose to use his languages and work in a completely different field that which he originally trained for.

As it is, if he chose to move back to the Netherlands without me and the children he would be able to do well for himself. It is ME that is holding us back. It is ME that is the problem here, not him.

Oh give her a break. She was saying that it's unfortunate for his job prospects that he didn't finish his qualification. She's not in any way "whinging that he's an unable to practice as an actual plumber".

And she's apologised for the xenophobic-sounding remark with the explanation that she's had a run of bad luck with shoddy new builds in Ireland and is feeling jaded about it.

She's under stress and been crying to day about her situation. Ease up on her FGS.

So Flogging He's not an actual qualified plumber. The OP didn't reply to my question.

Why is there a call for unqualified plumbers in the Netherlands?

So sorry OP what work does your OH do if he doesn't do anything to do with plumbing. Surely if he isn't working a trade but is instead using his language skills his whiplash won't be an issue?

My dd leaves the house at 6 am to go to uni to get the bus. She gets home about 5pm on average on a good day, Sometimes 7pm.

Yeah I asked about how the whiplash caused the DP to lose his job within the space of three weeks, but didn't get a reply. Can you clarify, OP?

Why doesn't your dd get the SUSI grant?

Ireland has a very too generous benefit system. I'm assuming you're getting FIS. Also child benefit?

Because of FIS, you could be entitled to fuel allowance. Plus, the "bonuses" have been reinstated this year.

I'm going to sound really harsh, I know. But your dp is sick of the system that's basically bankrolling your family of 6.

It's not the Irish benefit system's fault that he didn't finish his qualifications. Nor is it the system's fault that you chose to get certificates in reiki, which let's face it was never going to make you a millionaire, and then chose not to even try to use them!

You both need to grow up a bit and stop blaming the world for your problems. Have you even tried to find somewhere that will accept rent allowance?

Also, there are counties all around Dublin on the commuter belt with excellent transport.

It doesn't sound like you've done anything but sit on your arse and bemoan the state your in, without actually doing anything about it.