Am I really 'grossly irresponsible'?

[Saggingninja]

My 12 year old daughter's best friend - 'Polly' comes to stay for a few days over half-term. Polly is 14. On the first day, Polly says she would love to go into town (Manchester) with Katie. So I give them money, make sure their phones are charged and send them off.

Both girls are sitting in a cafe having hot chocolate. Polly texts her mum to say she's having fun. Three minutes later Polly's mother calls me. I am 'grossly irresponsible letting two young girls go into town and anything could happen.'

I pointed out that it's half-term, there are likely to be loads of parents and children around and both girls go to school by bus every day. But Polly's mother is convinced their are gangs of Mancunian paedophiles lurking everywhere, so I dash into town to rescue the girls from having a nice time.

I had very overprotective parents who convinced me there were 'bad people' everywhere and kept me in a bubble. I grew up anxious and timid and was determined that my own children would be more confident. And our sons are far more likely to be victims of criminal violence. Our girls are in far more (statistical) danger of being assaulted by someone they know well.

Perhaps I should have told Polly's mother before I let them go. But she (Polly) seemed so pleased and there were two of them. Was I wrong?

deb your Dcs autism changes the picture you're painting completely. But you knew that.

Francis I highly doubt there was a Brownie badge for 7-10 year olds requiring the kid to know what to do after being mugged or worse in a city centre Seriously now.

Sorry, just saw the ages. I am assuming not being NT also gave you a few additional concerns

Not really they are both high functioning. 24 year old drives everywhere now. I just put that in case I had mentioned it before and someone noted it. I don't have a disability and myself and my siblings didn't go out alone until 16/17 and I lived in London. I didn't want to and neither do they. Happy at home.

FrancisCrawford In London we say "in town" to mean the centre of London. I expect most people knew what you meant.

I think I was 16 when I told my mum I was going to the cinema rather than ask. And she was strict!

babyapril my kids always take the lead in ordering in restaurants, shops etc. Go through passport control help to plan trips and so on. 24 year old learned to drive at 17 and then started to pick up his mates etc to bring home. They are prepared for the outside world but they all have school taxis from home (rural)so no need to travel. 12 year old expresses no desire to go anywhere yet if she really wants to I would look at situation but not encourage it.

Not really, Francis... you seem to assume OP's DD and friend are/were Brownies and really, use a phone box with money?! Perhaps you don't get out much. Try finding a phone box in a "town" (city) that works and takes money these days.... have you ever been to Manchester city centre? I highly doubt it.

My Gran was born in Manchester in 1927 and she has never, ever referred to Manchester as anything other than 'town'.

Phone boxes.. I bet 95% of kids under 13 have never even stepped in a phone box! Or been a Brownie.

There is a difference between not needing to go alone and not being allowed.

DS (11) really values being able to walk home with his friends and his independence. Even going alone to the local supermarket.

Do they know what a "sensible" shop is to go into, who to ask, what to do if it goes wrong?
They're presumably familiar with Marks and Spencer (than which there can hardly be a more "sensible" shop), and other chain stores? Most shopping centres, even small ones, have information points and security staff. A 14 yo should be capable of identifying and approaching a security person.

I've had to occasionally use a phone box recently when phone has run out or broken. Found one fairly easily in the centre of a city (ahem) smaller than Manchester.

Southerners talk about going to London as "going to town"or "up to town

It's not just Scottish.

Oh, and whoever talked about kids being snatched off the streets in Manchester- or anywhere else in the U.K. for that matter- don't be daft!

At 14/15 I regularly took a 4 hour coach ride to visit my friends in Glasgow and attend concerts/shop etc. Sometimes stayed overnight at a friend's parents sometimes came home the same day. At that age kids should really have some sort of independence and ability to handle themselves. I don't think you were BU to let them go and have a nice time, you would have only cramped their style had you accompanied and they were in the centre of town surrounded by people, and carrying mobile phones.

The girl probably knew fine well her mother would not have sanctioned this, that's why she was so delighted to go. I had a very overprotective mother and would have jumped at the chance of a little freedom (by the age of 14 however my mother had stopped paying much attention to me). I think it's just a lesson in future to always check with the child's parents first, the mum was a bit OTT with you but I doubt you will change her mind.

I'm a manc born and bred and the city centre is referred to as town

Is Manchester really dodgy or something?
My nearest city is Glasgow, 45 mins away and DD was going in at 13 with friends, I don't consider it unsafe in the shopping areas during the day.

I assume both girls get themselves to school?

Assume nothing - I know one hysterical parent driving a 16 year old kid 500m to school due to the "massive amounts of child abusers filling our streets"

Or not, perhaps

This thread is clearly a modernisation of Louisa May Alcott's An Old Fashioned Girl. Polly will regret all this dissipation and the bronze boots she bought.

Oh, and as a fellow Manc - Manchester City Centre is always "TOWN" - purchasing a bus or train ticket is always "Return to Town, please" - never "Piccadilly Bus Station" or "Oxford Road". You need the correct amount of nasal whine when you ask for it as well.

Us brummies refer going to Brum as going 'up town orite*

Deb if your children are incapable through autism of going out unaccompanied until 16 that's completely understandable but in general terms with teenagers who don't have additional needs that would be really really strange and they would be isolated from their contempaties.