Am I really 'grossly irresponsible'?

[Saggingninja]

My 12 year old daughter's best friend - 'Polly' comes to stay for a few days over half-term. Polly is 14. On the first day, Polly says she would love to go into town (Manchester) with Katie. So I give them money, make sure their phones are charged and send them off.

Both girls are sitting in a cafe having hot chocolate. Polly texts her mum to say she's having fun. Three minutes later Polly's mother calls me. I am 'grossly irresponsible letting two young girls go into town and anything could happen.'

I pointed out that it's half-term, there are likely to be loads of parents and children around and both girls go to school by bus every day. But Polly's mother is convinced their are gangs of Mancunian paedophiles lurking everywhere, so I dash into town to rescue the girls from having a nice time.

I had very overprotective parents who convinced me there were 'bad people' everywhere and kept me in a bubble. I grew up anxious and timid and was determined that my own children would be more confident. And our sons are far more likely to be victims of criminal violence. Our girls are in far more (statistical) danger of being assaulted by someone they know well.

Perhaps I should have told Polly's mother before I let them go. But she (Polly) seemed so pleased and there were two of them. Was I wrong?

Orange and Bill. It's not that Manchester (or other big cities) can't or aren't referred to as town.

It seemed to me that Francis (whilst knowing I'm sure) that Manchester is a city, chose to refer to it as "town" as it makes it sound a lot smaller/more innocent.

Not that it isn't or can't be referred to as town!

Anyone else want to jump on and say that their neighbour's auntie's hairdresser's brother's best mate also refers to it as town???

Please can somebody enumerate the "emergencies" that might happen to two 14 year olds in broad daylight between Costa, New Look and Dorothy Perkins...........

Unfortunately, kids growing up in or near big cities learn fast with the phrase 'if they ask for your phone/bike/money/skateboard just hand it over. Possessions can be replaced' drummed into them from a young age.

Also unfortunately don't know many who didn't need this advice.

But not letting them out does not help the maturing process (like cheese).

As a teenager I lost my wallet in town and had to ring my mum to collect me and my sister (which involved reversing the charges as I didn't have any money).

You can imagine how popular I was after that event.

That's probably about it, other than being kidnapped and sold into slavery - you know, every day events like that, that happen on Market Street or Deansgate.

Rose Why do you keep picking on FrancisCrawford's posts? Is there some history between you or are you just odd?

Yes, Manchester is just like something out of Dickensian novel: theives, vagabonds and rampant paedophiles lurking around every back street waiting to pick your pocket and abduct your kids

It's Costa and the Arndale FFS.

And it a British city like, SHOCK! Other British cities.

I was going to ask the same - is their some long running argument between you or are you just being a bit of a dick?

Don'tpanicpyke I don't think it will be a problem. None of my daughters friends go out either I don't know where they would want to go tbh. At 16 they will be dropped off and picked up in the next town for college but will be on their own during the day. Even then my son and his friends just stayed in the college cafe at lunchtime. Not sure what people kids actually do if they go out on their own

I too call going into Edinburgh, going into town. Doesn't everyone (and by extension, other cities like Manchester as well)?

Wow. How times have changed! When I was 10 my best friend and I used to get a day pass for the London buses on a Saturday and go out all day. And that was before mobile phones had ever been invented.

Rose, you've been really rude to Francis. And I made the point because if someone who's lived in Manchester for nearly 90 years calls it 'town' then it's clearly not something Mancunians get their knickers in a twist over!

Meh. Most 14 year olds are already doing far worse things without their parents' knowledge.

I tried to have "the chat" with my younger relative when she was 14...I was far too late! Mind you, I learnt a few things myself!

I reckon Rose and Francis are actually old Polly and Katie....

I bet Pollys mum has a proper cats bum face!

She's probably reading Polly a bedtime story right now... Mog or Biff and Chip, maybe.

Christ, I was on shoplifting sprees through Birmingham city centre with my friends by 14.

deblet Thu 27-Oct-16 18:42:08

"Not sure what people kids actually do if they go out on their own"

in the case of dd: going shopping, meeting up with friends for a coffee, going to matinees at the theatre, going to shows in the park

in the case of ds: going to football matches with friends, going to the cinema, shopping, meeting up with friends

All perfectly ordinary things that lots of teens like to do.

Imo the benefit of them being out and about from a reasonably young age is that they develop resourcefulness and a sense of what to do in an emergency. And a sense that you can do something rather than just standing around helplessly. Naturally, that doesn't come without a certain amount of talking potential situations through in advance and debriefing afterwards. But in the case of NT children (and indeed many children with SN) you know that they are going to have to go out into the world in a few years' time and face some probably quite dodgy situations, not least if they go away to university at 18/19 as so many of them do. It makes sense to give them time to assimilate that knowledge before they get to a place where you can't rescue them.