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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed with teacher's insistence

202 replies

coffeeoverthekids · 27/10/2016 00:16

My son is five and has gone into year one this year.

They have started writing letters to pen pals at another school that the part time teacher has an affiliation with. She is semi retired but does a few mornings/afternoons at each school.

DS hadn't finished his pen pal letter and she sent it home with him attached with the note 'Will be perfect for X to finish in bed, need for tomorrow as am taking the letters for the children'.

I read it and it really annoyed me. That day he had his usual reading book and some maths homework, already an hour of work. AIBU to think that that is more than enough and if a five year old doesn't 'finish his letter' (she had made him rub out his name because he finished mid sentence).

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 09:08

My honest opinion is that children who allowed to pick and choose what homework is worth doing and what isn't, grow into teenagers who do the same thing. In ten years you will be begging your child's teachers for 'strategies' and 'intervention sessions' and what is essentially private tuition, because the possibility of your child failing his or her exams will suddenly seem very real, and he or she will have no work ethic. Good luck.

JoffreyBaratheon · 27/10/2016 09:09

Ex primary teacher here. I think you handled it well, OP - better than I would have. I can't see there's any educational value in homework - and most primary kids only have one teacher to worry about but if a class is split between part timers, this kind of situation might arise. It's not ideal.

I pulled one of my sons out of SATs because I felt they were inappropriate for him and would have no compunction in contacting a school to say I refused to let my child do homework, if I felt the school was going too far.

When I taught, I tried to cover everything in school time, set extension work for the more able kids - during school time - and try and reinforce concepts for the less able - during school time. So I almost think it's the sign of a bad teacher to rely on homework for covering ground/reinforcing work for kids of primary age. Wink

ChocolateWombat · 27/10/2016 09:15

It doesn't ring quite true to me, that the teacher of a 5 year old sets an hour of homework a night and then asks for more to be done for the next day. Of course this wouldn't be reasonable.....which is why I think it wasn't quite like that.

Was the maths given with a week to do it, supposed to take 15 mins? I suspect this is more likely the case and for whatever reason it was left to the last minute and took longer for boy to do. Parents need to Manage homework...,this means allowing time to do it, not last minute, but also not allowing it to spill into ridiculous amounts of time. So if he did the allotted 15 or 20 mins, fine, then parents draw a line under what he has done and make a note that is what he achieved in the time.
A bit of nightly reading is expected and is so useful.....but it's likely to be very very short and most of it at this age will be having a story read to the child.
I suspect the letter thing was intended to be very brief extra work...if his letter wasn't finished it couldn't go off with the others...and the boys would feel upset later when he didn't get a reply.

So I suspect the homework which people are getting angry about was never intended to be over an hour on one night for a 5 year old. Parents do need to manage the timing of work, but also to sometimes say if the child can't manage to fit it in. Fine on an occasional basis, but if regular, I think parents need to have a think about how they are managing it and have a chat with school too, to find a workable way forwards.

Small children shouldn't be doing loads of homework. I suspect the school never intended that the boy should be doing an hour.

madamginger · 27/10/2016 09:17

I don't make any of my primary aged children do homework.
We read every day but other than that I'm not spending my evenings trying to get 3 tired kids to do more work.
After trying to get dinner ready, bath time and any after school activities, there isn't much time left before bed anyway, plus there is plenty of evidence that it makes little difference to outcomes anyway.
Last year when ds2 was in reception his teacher made a huge song and dance about him not doing homework and I just told her that we weren't doing it and that was the end of it. She pulled some faces but I'm hard skinned after 3 kids.

user789653241 · 27/10/2016 09:25

I think this sort of thing should be left to each child to decide how they do it, how long it should be, what's in the context. It could just be hello, a drawing, etc., anything child wants should be ok. Forcing 5 years old to write a letter just make them hate writing, if they didn't want to write the letter in the first place.

Olympiathequeen · 27/10/2016 09:28

Send it back with a note to say he's only 5 and needs to PLAY

MrsHathaway · 27/10/2016 09:31

I think the teacher's main problem is setting homework not across a weekend. And she knows it - otherwise she wouldn't have suggested working "in bed" ffs as though an active 5yo doesn't need his sleep.

I also think some pps have forgotten what it's like to have a 5yo. Yes they can just about write but dear God they're s l o w. Saying "one more sentence and his name, that's two minutes" is just laughable for even my top-table Y1 child. It's all very very new to them.

I agree with pp that the fact these letters are going to another child puts a level of obligation on it, and that it would have been prudent to do the letter before/instead of the maths.

And I think it's disgraceful for her to have rubbed any of his work out. There was a long thread about this recently.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/10/2016 09:33

Bit of a drip feed I see.

And the child had had a couple of days to do it, but you, as a family, chose not to. And that's the teacher's fault. Obviously. Confused

The poster with the Finnish friend forgot to mention that they start primary school at 7, but that pre-primary is compulsory from 6-7 and there they are expected to acquire the skills (reading and writing etc) to enable them to go straight into a school situation doing what other children in countries which start school earlier would be doing in the early years of school itself. (ie a child in Finland at age 6 is, shock horror, doing exactly the same, give or take, that a child aged 6 in Spain, France, Germany and the UK are doing, just in a different place) Over the school year, the days (and therefore hours) spent in school is more or less equal over the whole of Europe.

When I attended a course comparing school systems in various countries, (UK, Italy, Finland, Denmark and Germany were the main ones we looked at) participants from other countries were shocked when they heard that UK kids begin school at 4-5. Then they were shown what the kids actually do at that age, and laughed. Because what UK kids do in EY is what kids in most other countries do in nursery. It would be very odd for example, and necessitate an amount of intervention, to find an Italian child not able to read and write when starting school (at 6)

I hope the other child got their letter.

MaryField · 27/10/2016 09:34

Maybe he wanted to finish it but ran out of time. The teacher kindly said he could finish it at home as they had to be delivered the next day. I can't see any sort of 'insistence' here. Agree that an hour a night is too much, unless I've misread. Is it 10 minutes worth but is taking an hour? Just talk it over with the teacher and see what she suggests.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/10/2016 09:37

PS I do agree that asking a 5 yr old in the UK to write any kind of "letter" is absurd.

MrsHathaway · 27/10/2016 09:49

And the child had had a couple of days to do it, but you, as a family, chose not to. And that's the teacher's fault. Obviously.

If parents' work means child is in breakfast club and ASC then precisely when is this homework supposed to happen? Child gets home at maybe 5.30-6, eats, reads, bath, bed. That's the reality for many many families: very little midweek "spare time" and only at tired times of day. I think "chose not to" could be accurate but could be Hobson's Choice.

If teacher had set the homework on Friday then there's a weekend to fit the letter into.

The benefit to OP's child of writing this letter is absolutely minimal. The benefits of reading his book, going to bed on time, etc are far higher.

MetalMidget · 27/10/2016 09:57

I feel so sad that kids get homework at primary school nowadays. I didn't get homework until secondary school - I was actually quite excited about it, because it seemed more grown up and serious!

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 09:59

Irvine: Are you being sarcastic or do you really think that is good parenting?

Fairybells · 27/10/2016 10:11

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark if you read my post again I do state there that kids start school at 7. And I would know as I myself went to school in Finland and I did not start to read and write until after year 1 which starts at 7 years old. I went to preschool at 6 years old where we played all day and had afternoon naps.

user789653241 · 27/10/2016 10:42

Trifleorbust, no, I wasn't being sarcastic at all. What I commented was what I thought.
Does that sound odd to you? I am totally confused, English isn't my first language, do I sound sarcastic? Sorry if so.
But totally Confused

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 10:57

No, I just thought no-one could possibly think that was a good idea. But they're your kids - each to their own.

Swatsup · 27/10/2016 11:02

Is this part of a bigger school project. If your child doesn't do it maybe he will end up without a penpal when all the other kids have sent letters. Or a child at the other school will be without a letter to read.

user789653241 · 27/10/2016 11:06

I think writing letters is very personal. Some people like it, some people don't. I just thought writing a proper letter, drawings, poems, anything should be acceptable, if that what 5 year old wants to send his penpal.

Maybe I am failing my child, so what? If my parenting sucks so much, only my ds who suffers, no one else.Thanks.

Naicehamshop · 27/10/2016 11:09

Trifle - I'm guessing that you don't work in education?

Making a 5 year old do homework will have no benefit at all except to put a lot of children off school work for some time.

I work in a primary school and 5 year olds don't have homework. They are expected to read at home and that is all. This does not hold them back in any way!

My son would never have been able to cope with the letter writing at that age. He struggled with writing and reading until he was about 8 - this is not unusual, especially with summer-born boys. I encouraged and helped him but didn't force him - the school were in agreement with this. (He is now at university doing a masters in law, so he hasn't been badly affected in any way!)

Naicehamshop · 27/10/2016 11:12

Just to add that Irvine's views sound absolutely right and very normal. I'm not sure why she is being attacked. Smile

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 11:12

I'm a teacher. It's not about the academic benefit; it's about the benefit of the child understanding they have been asked to attempt something, to do their best, to own their own learning and progress. Teaching them they can take it or leave it is asking for trouble.

myyoyo · 27/10/2016 11:15

'My honest opinion is that children who allowed to pick and choose what homework is worth doing and what isn't, grow into teenagers who do the same thing.'

Nonsense. Children who have some control over their homework grow into teenagers who don't have to be micromanaged into their University Years.
Irvine's advice is very sensible.

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 11:15

Hardly 'attacked' - I am just shocked that so many people moan that their children struggle with reading and writing but go out of their way to teach their children that attempting homework is entirely optional and the teacher is being over-zealous in setting homework. 9 times out of 10, I suspect, these are the children taking a 'chilled' approach to their learning in secondary and struggling as a consequence.

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 11:16

Well I disagree, myyoyo. No apologies for that here.

myyoyo · 27/10/2016 11:19

'people moan that their children struggle with reading and writing'

Do you include parents of children who have SPLD there?