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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed with teacher's insistence

202 replies

coffeeoverthekids · 27/10/2016 00:16

My son is five and has gone into year one this year.

They have started writing letters to pen pals at another school that the part time teacher has an affiliation with. She is semi retired but does a few mornings/afternoons at each school.

DS hadn't finished his pen pal letter and she sent it home with him attached with the note 'Will be perfect for X to finish in bed, need for tomorrow as am taking the letters for the children'.

I read it and it really annoyed me. That day he had his usual reading book and some maths homework, already an hour of work. AIBU to think that that is more than enough and if a five year old doesn't 'finish his letter' (she had made him rub out his name because he finished mid sentence).

OP posts:
user1471494124 · 27/10/2016 06:27

Sounds to me like he just needs to finished sentence and say goodbye. Should take two minutes; I don't see the issue.

I would only send this home if the child hadn't been putting enough effort to get it finished in class. Important lesson to learn about meeting deadlines. Important lesson to learn about finishing tasks properly. Important lesson to learn about letting others down (the child St the other school who won't get a finished letter). Don't see how this is more for the teacher's interests? Sounds like a lovely idea for the children.

insancerre · 27/10/2016 06:31

Homework in bed?
That's ridiculous

Ask the teacher if she does her marking or lesson planning in bed

redcaryellowcar · 27/10/2016 06:38

Crazy, my ds is five and in year one too, if he wrote a letter, at best it would be one (Hard to read by anyone other than me) sentence. That would be him trying really hard, as that's just where he is with writing now.
As for homework, I'm massively relieved that his school have a fairly firm no homework policy, they just ask that you try to read each night, which seems to take around 10-15 minutes.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/10/2016 06:51

Five is too young to force penpals on them. Some will be very good at writing and others can still barely hold a pencil. I probably would have done the letter over the maths and reading, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I can't see that it will be particularly rewarding for any of the dc unless they are carefully matched.

angus6 · 27/10/2016 07:18

My dd was a reluctant home worker when she was at primary school and she seemed to get a lot of homework. I distinctly remember year 5 being the worst with over an hours homework most evenings. The homework was rarely something she could do independently and usually required my participation. The battles we had and the stress it caused! All at the end of the school / work day while trying to get dinner and do a bit of housework.

Then she went to secondary school and homework dried up, just at the point I would have expected homework to become something I was required to have less involvement in. She is now in Year 11 and will take her GCSEs in a few months and still homework is negligible, about an hour a week. I can log into her school website and see what homework she has been set so I know that's all she is getting.

I recently looked up the schools homework policy and it's been changed at some point and now says that due to the conflict it can cause between teachers and students homework will only be set where there is a real need. Students who complete the homework will be praised but there will be no sanctions against those that choose not to complete the work.

I wish I'd had the guts to implement that policy in my home during the primary years, but I was too worried that the teachers would think badly of me.

Ditsy4 · 27/10/2016 07:27

I don't understand why you are moaning about it either. It sounds like he hadn't finished and the others had completed the task in the given time. I would have encouraged him to complete the letter. I can't understand people critising the teacher. She is demonstrating a purpose for writing and the children will be encouraged when they receive a letter back. Think how pleased he will be then and how disappointed if he doesn't receive one and everyone else does. I would have encouraged him to complete the letter first,then the Maths and left the reading for tomorrow explaining in his diary.
Have you mentioned it is taking him an hour because it shouldn't be taking him that long? About 10 minutes of reading every night is beneficial but I wouldn't expect more than that and the Maths should be about 15 minutes at the most.
Homework reinforces what the child is learning at school. I was glad my children had some homework as it was a special time together to see how they were coping and if it was about weight we did something practical like baking or weighing out dried pulses.

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 08:20

"Her teacher just told her it meant she would have to sit with the teacher or TA to finish it in playtime instead."

Otherwise known as the teacher's break Hmm

I wouldn't do this. If you choose not to 'push' your child into homework, that's your choice. I would just say okay, then remind you if she didn't make good progress that you made that call.

Original poster
coffeeoverthekids · 27/10/2016 08:21

Thank you all for the comments.

The work was set on Monday but we were both working late on Monday and it was a family birthday so didn't have time to do it until last night. Just one of those weeks.

He really struggles with reading and writing, therefore what takes and child ten minutes normally takes him twenty we work with him every/most nights to try and get him past this. We usually do his reading book in bed together.

We did do the letter, but only spent quarter of an hour on it with him and I have attached my own letter saying that we will not be completing work sent home again if he already has a lot of homework.

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeeoverthekids · 27/10/2016 08:23

Also, he said we did the letter before playtime which is about an hour session so with the introduction and starting them off I'd guess maybe half an hour?

She appears to be very old school and doesn't really appreciate children with varying abilities.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/10/2016 08:28

If his homework is taking an hour it's too hard. Make an appointment to discuss it with the teacher.

monkeywithacowface · 27/10/2016 08:30

I think that's fine. We always make an effort with homework BUT anything that is too hard or too long gets sent back with a polite note explaining why it hasn't been finished. It's never been an issue. I sympathise because writing is an arduous task for ds too so that type of homework we really have to break down into 5 of 10 minute slots over the week.

ZoeTurtle · 27/10/2016 08:32

Homework for five-year-olds? What fresh hell is this?

I'd let your son pick what he wants to do, if any of it.

d270r0 · 27/10/2016 08:40

An hour is far too long! Is this every night or did you have it a while and it was due the next day? Either way its too much.
My ds is also in year1, we get reading books which are always short and only take 5-10 mins to finish, and spellings each week. We get no other homework yet although he has been given a login for mangahigh and an online reading thing, but there is nothing 'set' on these yet.
I make sure we do something short every day, including every weekend and every day in holiday. This might be a reading book, spellings, writing or something else BUT its only short, usually 10mins. We do it after bathtime before bed, its part of his routine. If we have nothing left to do from the school I have plenty of reading books we use instead.
In your situation I would have chosen the writing to do that evening as that seemed to be more urgent. The reading could wait until the next day and I'd probably try to get any maths done at the weekend if possible.

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 08:40

Seriously, your son struggles with reading and writing but you are going to decline opportunities for him to consolidate his understanding at home? This is how kids fail to make progress: parents mollycoddling them and moaning about the teachers. You didn't have to spend hours on it, just help at some point this week with unfinished class work. This represents nothing but a benefit to your son.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 27/10/2016 08:45

Yanbu OP
Homework at 5 is good... if you want to put children off school.

MagikarpetRide · 27/10/2016 08:45

coffee Since we've stopped trying to get DD to do her homework other than just saying she needs to do it, she's been a lot more receptive to doing it in general. We decided we would only allow a certain time (actually suggested by the teacher) and if it wasn't completed it goes back with a note explaining. Do you think limiting to 30mins may help your DS a bit more?

trifle That was our teacher's choice, not ours. I have no clue if they follow it through. Teacher is very happy with DD's progress but thankfully appreciated that it wasn't beneficial to DD or the rest of our family to battle out homework every night and has given us tools to help encourage DD.

RhiWrites · 27/10/2016 08:48

I don't think I can judge without knowing how often he writes these pen pal letters. Is it once a week because that sounds like a lot. Does he like getting letters from the other child?

Trifleorbust · 27/10/2016 08:51

I wouldn't have my child completing their homework in their break time (or the teacher's) because I couldn't be arsed enforcing the (reasonable) expectation that homework is done at home. It is for their benefit, so it would get done before TV, play time or treats.

Fairybells · 27/10/2016 08:52

People saying homework is good for 5 year olds... my friend's son goes to school in Finland, he's 8 years old in year 2 (they start school at 7) doing 4 hour days and virtually no homework. And here's the shock horror: kids still manage to get to university later on! So it makes no difference if they don't even go to school until 7!!! So in my opinion 5 year olds really shouldn't be worrying over homework after being in school for 6 hours already, they should be able to relax and play with their toys, go to a park to play whatever but not homework!

AliceInUnderpants · 27/10/2016 08:53

Was the homework supposed to take up an hour? Was it set for the week, or was he expected to do an hour's work in one sitting?

happyoldtown · 27/10/2016 08:53

I cannot believe your 5 year can write a coherent letter. My 5 year would be nowhere near ready for that.

I get home stuff like "I wnt to de c-sid to gett chils" and the teacher has a well done on it Grin

toptoe · 27/10/2016 08:56

He's 5 - of course he 'struggles' with reading and writing. He's learning at his rate. Just carry on with the reading - reading to him as much as anything else to keep it fun. All else will follow in good time.

Just out of interest...how do you know it takes him twice as long as other children? Who's set that expectation?

MyGiddyUncle · 27/10/2016 09:00

Homework at 5 is good... if you want to put children off school

What a load of rubbish.

Mine have had weekly homework from age 3 (yes 3, nursery) and they both actually enjoy it.

An hour a night for a 5 year old is crazy though. Mine get hw handed out on a Friday, for completion by Wednesday - it does vary but generally takes between 5 minutes and 40 minutes...a week. Sometimes more if it's a project over a holiday.

saoirse31 · 27/10/2016 09:01

Think u are massively over reacting. You could have sat down with him, helped him finish it in 5 mins, instead of treating it like a big annoying event. Hope ur not passing on your antagonism towards teacher, homework, school to him, but given that children pick up such things I'd say you probably are.

MagikarpetRide · 27/10/2016 09:05

That's good if it works for you trifle but it doesn't for everyone.

What was happening with us was we'd get in at about 3:30. Get DD set up with homework. I'd then spend over an hour trying to get DD to engage with all three elements of homework, whilst simultaneously trying to get DS to entertain himself or interfere. Then I'd have to make dinner, which I can't quite manage whilst listening to spellings/checking she's reading correctly or writing properly whilst also stopping DS from feeding the cat a piece of Lego. By the time dinner is eaten, I'd go back to getting a very tired, very belligerent DD to still complete all her homework whilst still trying to get DS to not literally climb the curtains for over another hour. Then its bath and bed time.

There was no time for treats, tv or playtime and DS was getting no positive attention which he also needs and nobody liked being at home.

We now have a session of homework time when DD comes in. What gets done, gets done. If she hasn't finished but wants to then obviously she can. If she isn't engaging she doesn't engage. Her teacher chooses what consequences she wants to in her own time. The less pressure the more DD has started to engage.